Anyone not tell both sides of the family at the same time?

greenroses

It seems to be a given that you are supposed to tell both sets of grandparents at the same time b/c otherwise it would be "unfair" ... and it sounds like that's what most people are doing or have done.  But I'm wondering if anyone has not done this and if so what your reasons were.

(we haven't told either side yet and figure we should do it at the same time, but i have a few reasons why i wish that weren't the case ...)

companion cube

We totally didn't tell at the same time. I called my mom ASAP, because I had a previous loss and I was terrified and I needed my mom's support, DH didn't feel like calling his parents just to tell them so he waited a few weeks and called them on mother's day when he would have been calling anyways.

However our families are super laid back and low drama, so even if his parents found out that they knew second they wouldn't care. They're just happy to be getting a grandbaby in the same state as them, their other grandchild lives in CA.

garnet1981

We have told most of my family, but none of his. The reason is because we aren't sure how his mom will react. She tends to see the bad in things. We will probably tell them in the next few weeks.

WestCoastMommy

We told DH's side first at 10 weeks and my mom the nest day. The rest of my side of the family had to wait until after my brothers wedding which was about 11 1/2 weeks. I didn't want to steal the moment.

With D'S we told my fame first and Doh's family about 2 months later.

freeatlast2014

For us, we told our families on the same day but at different times (we actually told them back in May on Mother's Day).  It just so happened I saw my family first, and then we had a late dinner with his.  However, I did tell my mom as soon as I peed on a stick, then told his mom and dad when we got hom from the first OBGYN appointment (the very next day after our BFP).  I feel as a woman, it is totally fine to share the news with your mother first.

greenroses

MrsLynnyD:

I feel as a woman, it is totally fine to share the news with your mother first.

I think that too, but I don't think DH agrees!

alliecarrie41

told in-laws on a saturday night (it was MIL's bday dinner) and my parents the very next afternoon (father's day)... so not the same day, but close enough. 

i was super worried about it since i wanted to tell MY mom first, but honestly, both are family now and we've gotta get over these little details!

houndbaby

We told my parents the day after the BFP, I just don't keep stuff from my Mom. We didn't tell dh's family until around 8/9 weeks. My SMIL can't keep her mouth shut so we didn't tell them until we were ok with people finding out

momo21

Our families live in different states, so we told them at different times.  We told my parents first because we happened to see them first, and we preferred to do it in person.  But neither set of parents is the type to be hurt if they weren't the first to know.  Everyone is just excited!

NJBrit

Maybe I'm coming from a place completely different from everyone else, but I'm really not that close with my mother or stepfather. I love them, but my mother and I have never had a super close relationship, and I moved halfway across the country in 2005. 

 We told DH's parents first because he is very close to them and they live nearby and would figure it out anyhow. I told my parents a few weeks after telling DH's, and we just started telling our extended families.

Next step, telling my stepkids... not looking forward to that one!  

NoemiJ

My ILs and all of DH's relatives live in Italy so he told his mom and dad, and they've probably told the rest of the family. We told my parents around the same time.

melnericproper

We told my entire family on Mother's day, but they only get together for birthdays/holidays so we thought it would be a good time to tell everyone at once. DH's parents found out a few hours later on Mother's day, his sis that evening when we called her. We didnt tell his bro & gf (MIL told them), mostly cuz the gf is very jealous of the fact that DH married me almost exactly 2 years after we met, and she has been with his bro for about 8 years with no ring yet. She had a horrible attitude toward me after DH proposed until she found out she was pregnant, then she started acting like she "one-upped" me. I just didn't want to deal with her rude comments and attitude. However, DH told his best friend the day we found out (after I took 2 home tests) cuz he was so excited and the friend was the first person he saw that day (other than me). And I didn't tell my bro (my dad did) cuz he works out of town and is really hard to get ahold of.

scarlet86

We told mine first because I needed help with babysitting for my first u/s.

izzourclue

None of our family live near us, so they will find out on their own.  We sent packages to each.  I think ILs will get their's first.  Personally, I don't worry about hurt feelings and petty jealousy.  Everyone should just be happy that there's a baby on the way and that's it.  If someone is so immature that they worried about who knew first, they need to keep it to themselves.  I don't want to hear it because I don't care.  I'm busy creating life here.  At least that's my attitude on the whole thing.

AppleMomma

Nope didn't tell them at the same time. About 2 days between telling my parents and telling DH's parents.

Keddy15

We are way closer to my side of the family and my parents knew that we were trying because I had tot tell them what was going on when I had my m/c back in January.  So I told my mom as soon as I knew, also because I had convinced myself that I had a brain tumor and I wanted to let her know that no, I was in fact pregnant.

We told DH's family and all my extended family after my first u/s.  It's difficult too because DH's sister had to do IVF 4 times to get her two kids and every time I get pregnant she gets mad at us.  I understand that it's a difficult thing that she went through, but her reaction does make us not want to tell her.

pmanolides

We told my mom on mother's day and my dad and my in-laws on father's day. I just couldn't keep a secret from my mom!

dec07nj

We told our families about 2 weeks apart, but only because we were afraid his parents would find out through the grapevine once my mom opened her mouth about it.

When I asked DH when he wanted to tell his family, he responded "when the kid's 30 or so." Yeah, we have a great relationship with his family. 

lsugirljen

Me, we have told most of both sides, just not DH's mother, who we see about twice a year.

broccolitree

We told everybody at the same time, because I knew somebody would open their fat mouth on facebook and cause hurt feelings to the other side.

greenroses

izzourclue:

Everyone should just be happy that there's a baby on the way and that's it.  If someone is so immature that they worried about who knew first, they need to keep it to themselves.  I don't want to hear it because I don't care.  I'm busy creating life here. 

If only all my relatives and ILs shared the same view ...

lovemymr

We're telling my family this weekend and DH's family next weekend.  Both families live out of state, and we really wanted to tell both in person. 

I'm scared to death that someone from my family will blab the news, because I want DH to have a special moment with his family just like I'm going to have a special moment with my family.  Fingers crossed that they will respect my wishes and keep mouths shut and Facebook on lockdown.

Ceefome

We haven't. My immediate family knows, DH's family does not. DH has an odd relationship with his parents.  We don't see them as often as we see my side of the family.  They have a "no news is good news" mind set that I find weird.  So, we haven't told them yet.  We were planning on telling them in person this time, but DH is traveling so much for work this summer that we probably won't have a chance to go see them until September.  He's going to have to tell them over the phone before then, because I don't think we should just show up with me obviously pregnant. 

JPed*

I told my in-laws this past Sunday because I live with them and it was getting really hard to hide my symptoms. I will tell my parents when I see them in person in 2.5 weeks (they live 3,000 miles away).

jenaeone

We didn't tell them both at the same time. Might've preferred that, but I don't think either side cared. We told my mom first (1 day before Mother's Day) and my dad shortly after. Then MIL came into town that same day so we told her as well. Then told my siblings and their spouses that day as well. DH's family is scattered all over the place so it'd be impossible to tell them all at once.  

pawcall

Not even close.  I told my mom the day I found out.  I think I was like 3 1/2 weeks along then.  We told his mom at about 10 weeks.  My dad found out yesterday at 11+ weeks.  My grandparents will find out this weekend, at almost 12 weeks.

We didn't care about what was "fair" - for us, it was on a case-by-case basis of when it felt right to tell each person.

JDoe11111

Tried to keep it all under wraps till 2nd trimester, and found it impossible. Did hold it in till 8 weeks, told 1 friend (I needed someone!) 

We told DH's side right after the 9 week dopplar confirmed heartbeat, and my family after we got back from travelling the next week - because I know my mother, and she would have FREAKED knowing I was pregnant and wandering the streets far away Then we had to tell the friends we were visiting, as the "routine" had to be altered so much - and I was starting to pop out!

We did have a little facebook "incident" with in-laws posting things immediately (seriously people, WTF? If I haven't made a comment about it on MY facebook, you have no reason to decide it's time to be public!) but that was eventually smoothed over (after a huge hormonal screamfest and lots of "your family ruins everything!". Oops) and nobody was any the wiser.

We have 2nd dopplar on Monday (13 weeks almost) and after that will officially let the cat out of the bag to everyone - I got cute cards for my aunts/cousins/friends we havent told yet, and mom (about to be first time grandma) is DYING to tell someone!

an02102

We found out about the baby a week after h's g-mom died, and my mil was not handling things very well at the time, and we figured that they needed a little time to morn before we told them.  We told my parents right away because we were excited and needed to tell someone, so we told them on mother's day (they day after we found out). 

We waited a couple of weeks before telling IL's and it still ended in a tear fest since another cousin just announce an engagement, and everyone is already moving on from g-mom's death (this family is not handling the death real well, even though we knew she was going to die and had decent warning).