Confession

patchen30

Not only do I feel left behind IRL w/ everyone having babies, but lately I feel left behind on this board.  I feel like there are only a handful of us who are at pretty advanced stages w/ treatments since the mass exodus.  I feel like a lot of the ladies on this board probably look at my siggy and it scares them. 

I don't mean this as a pity post - believe me - that's the last thing I want.  I just honestly feel like a little bit of an outsider posting lately.   

svp1537

That is why I took my signature out... and I rarely ever post about using a donor. I figures it probably scares the crap out of more than half of the girls on here.

I really hate to post about the DE, but there are a few girls on here that I know DO CARE, so I wanted to post for them

I am just trying to support everyone else on this board and forget about myself.

Hang in there Patchen!!!! Big hugs to you!!!!

smilee

I think what you are feeling is normal.  I felt that many times during the course of the years that I spent on this board and in the trenches.  

k-mart

(((hugs))) This is a tough place to be.

inlovewithB

I haven't been trough everything you have, I haven't been trying as long as most of you, I haven't felt nearly as much pain and loss as you, but you help me.

Those of you with more experience bring me comfort. You make me feel like I am not alone and help me realize that even if we aren't successful with IUI#1 or IVF#4, that I will survive. You make me feel like it is ok to hurt, be bitter, angry and upset. In life it always help to learn from others who have been where you are going. I don't find comfort in what you have had to deal with, but I find comfort in communicating with you.

Thank you for all the tips you have shared, questions you have responded to, and support you have all given!!

etoyama

I am sorry that you feel this way.

Your siggy history doesn't scare me.

Delta04

While I haven't been a part of this board as long as most of you, I have been TTC since 2007 with several IUIs and a cancelled IVF.  And I lurked on this board for about a month before actually "joining".  I can understand why you might feel that way but I hope this feeling won't make you not post here anymore or less - whether its about IVF or DEs.  Your journeys and experience means so much to us here and the lurkers.  I can remember feeling so horrible after yet another BFN and just reading your siggys and your posts kept me going.

 

BRSaugust20

I think you're feelings are normal.  I still come back here to support.  I used to always answer the multiple IVF questions but I've stopped since our successful IVF was due to DE, I don't think I am an inspiration. 

Multiples IVFs can work (see MontyMrs) but I got to the point I knew they weren't going to work for me.

07may07

You're definitely not alone.  I'm right there with you. 

I do think that a lot of ladies have graduated from this board to PAIF and it is noticeable.  But you are definitely not alone.  There are still many of us in advanced stages of treatments.  Hopefully we'll all be graduating from this board soon too.

 

erinandbrockv

I am not scared by your siggy-if anything I admire your perserverance and hope that you get to leave here soon!

JackieMac824

You are not alone - I feel the same way - if this FET we are about to do does not work - we are basically out of options - 4 years of TTC and thousands of dollars and nothing to show for it.  No pity just (((HUGS)))

aplus816

multiple IVFer here!! you're so not alone, but I totally know how you feel. {{hugs}}

sweetky_06

I know what you mean ((HUGS)).

For so long I felt like a newbie and now I feel old on this board. 

cara-n-steve

You're siggy does not scare me!  I like reading everything, and you are all inspirational.  RE said DH and I will most likely need DE.

patchen30

svp1537:

That is why I took my signature out... and I rarely ever post about using a donor. I figures it probably scares the crap out of more than half of the girls on here.

I really hate to post about the DE, but there are a few girls on here that I know DO CARE, so I wanted to post for them

I am just trying to support everyone else on this board and forget about myself.

Hang in there Patchen!!!! Big hugs to you!!!!

I definitely want to hear about your DE experiences, so keep posting!

hollymichael

patchen30:

svp1537:

That is why I took my signature out... and I rarely ever post about using a donor. I figures it probably scares the crap out of more than half of the girls on here.

I really hate to post about the DE, but there are a few girls on here that I know DO CARE, so I wanted to post for them

I am just trying to support everyone else on this board and forget about myself.

Hang in there Patchen!!!! Big hugs to you!!!!

I definitely want to hear about your DE experiences, so keep posting!

Me too!

hollymichael

I'm still here. ::sigh:: And my siggy is getting pretty scary too.

I understand how you feel. I used to be a very active poster on TTCA35, but I don't post there much anymore. I feel like everyone who started on that board has moved on and it was starting to get depressing to me.  For some reason, I don't feel that way on this board. 

Rachael07.07.07

It's ok hun. I too feel like a lot of the people I "talked" to are on PAIF now. I'm happy for them but I'm sad for me. I don't even know when we're coming back from this break and that scares me. I'm already closing in on the 3 yr mark here. My IF history has long since been moved into my blog.

amaksym05

(((hugs)))

Mrs.Voz

I've felt this way too recently but mainly for me it's because I'm at a stall due to these cysts. Sometimes I feel left behind especially when I see "IVF#1 = BFP!!" posts.  But I'm truly truly happy for them!!!  I smile big when I congratulate them in their posts.  Then I hit enter and say "don't cry, it will be you someday too" in my head.  IF truly sucks!

I'm here for you, Patchen30!! :-)

Missy0708

This is actually why I started a blog.  I moved my TTC/IF history in there since it was starting to depress me to look at it every time I re-read a post thread.

I know how you feel.  ((hugs))  You are not alone.

Mrs.Voz

BRSaugust20:

I think you're feelings are normal.  I still come back here to support.  I used to always answer the multiple IVF questions but I've stopped since our successful IVF was due to DE, I don't think I am an inspiration. 

Multiples IVFs can work (see MontyMrs) but I got to the point I knew they weren't going to work for me.

***Kindof butting in""" but BRSaugust... to me personally, you are a success story and I just wanted to let you know.  We may be facing the decision of a DE and whenever I hear about it (no lie) I think about you specifically.  And I knew that when I was ready to ask questions, you would be someone I knew wouldn't mind answering.  So for the record, you definitely can respond on my posts.

Mrs.Voz

hollymichael:

patchen30:

svp1537:

That is why I took my signature out... and I rarely ever post about using a donor. I figures it probably scares the crap out of more than half of the girls on here.

I really hate to post about the DE, but there are a few girls on here that I know DO CARE, so I wanted to post for them

I am just trying to support everyone else on this board and forget about myself.

Hang in there Patchen!!!! Big hugs to you!!!!

I definitely want to hear about your DE experiences, so keep posting!

Me too!

Me Three!!!!!

DeputiesWife

inlovewithB:

I haven't been trough everything you have, I haven't been trying as long as most of you, I haven't felt nearly as much pain and loss as you, but you help me.

Those of you with more experience bring me comfort. You make me feel like I am not alone and help me realize that even if we aren't successful with IUI#1 or IVF#4, that I will survive. You make me feel like it is ok to hurt, be bitter, angry and upset. In life it always help to learn from others who have been where you are going. I don't find comfort in what you have had to deal with, but I find comfort in communicating with you.

Thank you for all the tips you have shared, questions you have responded to, and support you have all given!!

I agree with this. I am sorry you are feeling this way.

SweetyPy17

erinandbrockv:

I am not scared by your siggy-if anything I admire your perserverance and hope that you get to leave here soon!

This. I admire you and your courage. It takes a lot of strength to go through what you have been through, and still be SO supportive of the girls on here.  Good luck sweetie!

BunnyintheYard

Hi hun.  I have felt that way before as well.  I know it's rough.  I hope things look up for everyone, very soon.

Hugs.

BRSaugust20

Mrs.Voz:

***Kindof butting in""" but BRSaugust... to me personally, you are a success story and I just wanted to let you know.  We may be facing the decision of a DE and whenever I hear about it (no lie) I think about you specifically.  And I knew that when I was ready to ask questions, you would be someone I knew wouldn't mind answering.  So for the record, you definitely can respond on my posts.

Mrs. V - thanks!!  If you get to the DE point or just want more information, I am always willing to share.  If not for epphd and LBR_NJ I don't think I could have made my decision so willingly so I love to "pay it forward" and I really don't take any question too personally from someone investigating the same path!

LaneyLooLoo

inlovewithB:

Those of you with more experience bring me comfort. You make me feel like I am not alone and help me realize that even if we aren't successful with IUI#1 or IVF#4, that I will survive. You make me feel like it is ok to hurt, be bitter, angry and upset. In life it always help to learn from others who have been where you are going. I don't find comfort in what you have had to deal with, but I find comfort in communicating with you.

It takes all kinds to make us whole.

I am so sad that you feel left behind.  You are so very important to a great deal of us.  It's not fair that you have to endure so much more for so much longer. 

svp1537

Mrs.Voz:

hollymichael:

patchen30:

svp1537:

That is why I took my signature out... and I rarely ever post about using a donor. I figures it probably scares the crap out of more than half of the girls on here.

I really hate to post about the DE, but there are a few girls on here that I know DO CARE, so I wanted to post for them

I am just trying to support everyone else on this board and forget about myself.

Hang in there Patchen!!!! Big hugs to you!!!!

I definitely want to hear about your DE experiences, so keep posting!

Me too!

Me Three!!!!!

So sweet of you all I will post when I get exciting updates

OrangeSmoke

If your siggie is scary - then did mine scare the sh*t out of you before I got my BFP?

One day, your siggie will be a ray of hope in another girl's nightmare.  Hang in there.

momto3cats

I'm so sorry that you are going through a rough time right now.

I hope that this doesn't come out wrong, because I wish that none of us had to be here, but as a new poster with a failed IVF under my belt, I am glad that people have treatment histories in their signatures.

I decided to start posting because I was feeling so left behind IRL and needed a place to turn to where people got it.  I'm not saying that everyone here doesn't understand the pain of IF, but I do think that having a failed IVF cycle is a special kind of pain.  Knowing that others have had to deal with this too makes me feel like less of a freak.  Does that make sense?

scatterbrainliz

I'll always be hanging out on this board until the day we get out little one from Korea.  I'll never move on like everyone else.  I'm in your shoes and I think there are ton of girls on here too.  I feel it every time someone announces their beta numbers cause I know they'll disappear from the board and don't look back. 

caityr

**ticker below**

This post breaks my heart. Having been "here" for about 2 yrs before moving on I still come here all the time b/c IF will never leave me and I want to offer support. I also think that what you are feeling is normal but never ever be scared or ashamed of how you end up finding success. I remember coming here, dx with high fsh, and there were TWO posters who had DOR. I felt like I was in such a minority. Luckily those ladies found success and it gave me hope. When I was seriously researching DE it made me feel so relieved that there were women like BRAugust who were contemplating the same. I understand the need for privacy at some point, and also the need to streamline your sig after yrs of treatment-but the courage that you all have to move ahead making tough choices about family building (whether it be more OE IVFs, DE, embryo adoption, DS, etc) is only to be commended and should give others strength. I can only wish all you veterans of IF success around the corner. 

patchen30

OrangeSmoke:

If your siggie is scary - then did mine scare the sh*t out of you before I got my BFP?

One day, your siggie will be a ray of hope in another girl's nightmare.  Hang in there.

Haha - actually, no!  It always gave me hope - still does. 

patchen30

momto3cats:

I'm so sorry that you are going through a rough time right now.

I hope that this doesn't come out wrong, because I wish that none of us had to be here, but as a new poster with a failed IVF under my belt, I am glad that people have treatment histories in their signatures.

I decided to start posting because I was feeling so left behind IRL and needed a place to turn to where people got it.  I'm not saying that everyone here doesn't understand the pain of IF, but I do think that having a failed IVF cycle is a special kind of pain.  Knowing that others have had to deal with this too makes me feel like less of a freak.  Does that make sense?

Yes, I know what you mean

theworms

It's hard but there a definately a fair amount of us old-timer's still in the trenches. 

I say keep posting, your experiences can help someone just starting out.  If you don't want a long siggy stick it in your bio, that's what I did.

AND - SVP, you better post or else

ccbanana

Hi Patch. 

I know exactly how this feels.  I'm sorry you are dealing with 2 failed IVFs.  It's definitely a level up [pain-wise], and makes you feel a sense of low-ness that I never thought I'd be capable of feeling.

The sigs used to scare me when I lurked here many moons ago.  Now, I guess my siggy scares me too.  So, maybe yours, mine and some others do scare some of the newer girls.  But, the sad truth is that in the months to come, some of those girls will too be adding failed cycles to their sigs.  And yours and mine will make them feel like someone gets-it, like they aren't IF freaks.  AND, by then you may just have a "BFP" in your sig, offering them light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't know if I'm even making sense but I read this and just had to respond, b/c I've been there.

Lots of hugs.

C

Jill070707

I just wanted to send a *hug*.  I think at the beginning of my process I was...not scared, but I'm not sure what the word is, awed?...by some of the more advanced signatures.  But as I plod along this process, it makes me feel less alone to see others with failed IVF cycles.  I'm so sorry for the pain each of those failed cycles has caused the women here, but I'd like everyone to know there's some tiny bit of good their stories can do. 

Kiki11

(((hugs))) I know how you feel because I felt exactly the same way for so very long.  It's hard to believe you'll ever make it to the other side.  And it's extra hard when you've been trying for so long and have multiple failed IVFs.  I know it's cheesy, but I have faith that someday, hopefully very soon, you'll get to realize your dream of being a mom. 

BigHairQueen

sweetky_06:

I know what you mean ((HUGS)).

For so long I felt like a newbie and now I feel old on this board. 

This in a nutshell!

 

miesl

*hugs*  I totally understand - I'm a weird case to begin with so I've always felt a bit odd.  Now I feel like a total newb with IVF vet bitterness doing IUI.

All in all - IF sucks!