Is anyone else thinking 1 and done?

erinkate23

I had always planned to have a boatload of kids.  But, I didn't plan on life - not having my first till 32, 3 losses, all of the medical issues I have, breaking my tailbone in labor, etc etc etc....plus, I didn't realize how much I want to be able to give this little guy *everything* and financially we can do that for one, but maybe not for 2 or more.

I'm debating if it might be best to enjoy what I have and call this babymaking thing quits. 

By the same token, I really love my brothers and can't imagine a life without them, and my SILs, their kids, etc.  I feel like I'd be robbing DS of those relationships in his adult life.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

MrsPatterson

I've always wanted bunches of kids, too.  Right after DS was born, and in the 2 months or so following, I was seriously considering 1 and done.  I realize now that I was borderline-depressed, and now that I'm back to myself, I'm back to wanting more kids.  (I just re-read this and am not sure how to re-phrase, but I'm in no way insinuating that you're debating this because you're depressed!)  

I only have one younger brother, and I was always so envious of my cousins, who all had at least 2 siblings.  Both my parents come from large families (my dad is one of 9, my mom is one of 5), so I was raised around the large family mentality.  I love my brother so much and wish I had more siblings!  DH has a half-sister who is 12 years older, and he was essentially raised as an only child.  He has always said how he wishes he had a brother or sister.  For me, I don't think I would want to deprive DS of the sibling bond.  (And obviously, we're on our way to 2u2, so even if I only wanted one, we'd be in trouble!) 

saverne

I feel really lucky because I had it easy when it came to pg losses and pregnancy.  I only had 1 mc and then got pg again quickly and had a textbook 9 months.  I could start TTC again today, but DH needs more time (as does DD, and me too probably!).  But I am 30 and don't want to wait too long to TTC again. 

I can imagine that after what you have been through, TTC again may not be what you want. Pregnancy and birth, even when it goes smoothly, is not easy on a woman's body. 

 For me, I also enjoy having a sibling and I want DD to have at least 1 (or 2) siblings. So we will TTC again.  But that is our life.  I say you should go with your gut.     

tiffanylaw06

We're thinking one and done for similar reasons.

First, I feel we are really blessed to have such a sweet and healthy baby boy. I'm scared to press our luck on that issue.

Second, I had two m/cs and had to take lots of medications plus inject a blood thinner to have this baby.

Third, the labor was very rough on my body. I tore bad. I was in the hospital from 35 weeks until I was induced at 37 weeks for blood pressure issues. I had a hard time healing even months aftewards.

Fourth, financial reasons. We can give Dylan everything that he wants/needs financially. We can afford to pay his college and help him w/ a house or his wedding or whatever. If we have two or more then we can't be as giving.

Fifth, we both have siblings and while we loved the experience, neither of us are all that close with them now. I flip back and forth on this one because I loved having a sister when I was little but now we are polar opposites and have almost nothing in common except parents.

But I do waiver on all of this. I think we're done. If I knew that we'd have a girl and she'd be healthy and I would have a healthy pregnancy, I'd probably go for it. But we don't know those things. I needed clomid for this baby. I fear that we'd go again and I'd get pregnant with multiples and that I'd put my health in danger. I kind of want DH to get snipped so we don't have to think about this anymore.

orleyl

I always thought 2 or 3 but now feel like we may be 1 and done for many reasons. One reason is its way harder than I expected and I cannot even imagine doing this all over again. And then reasons like finances and childcare while we work. I also would rather give more to one child than struggle with many. I had 3 sisters growing up and while sometimes I feel bad that dd will probably be an only child, she has many cousins close in age that we see almost daily. Plus I dont think that wanting her to have a sibling is a good enough reason to have more children. But we will see how we feel in a few years.

StephanieDeanne

We originally wanted 2, and that was it.  After everything I went through with the miscarriage, and then tough pregnancy, delivering early at 32 weeks, and the medical issues afterwards, we are now thinking 1 would be plenty.

We are also starting to consider the financial aspects more of having 2, we want to be able to give DD everything and anything (well within reason) and we are not sure we could do that with 2.  

I have an older brother, but we didn't really grow up together at all.  I feel like I grew up as an only child and I had cousins, and felt well loved.  But I do also love having my brother too and having that connection with him, so it is hard.  But I have a feeling if the doc tells me I have a pretty high chance of another preemie it will be 1 and that is it.

TinaL99

I joke around with DH about this all the time...I'm only 1/2 joking though. 

I was "lucky" enough to only have 1 loss and have a very easy pregnancy with Stella.  And even with a 36 hour labor and c-section, I would do it all over again to have her. 

My reasons for thinking about being one-and-done are I just don't know how I can love another human being this much.  The love is so overwhelming, would I have nearly enough for another?  (Of course I would, but it's hard to imagine now).

She is also a GREAT baby.  She has been STTN since 8 weeks, rarely cries, and is just an all around good baby.  We're very lucky.

Also, financially we're good right now.  We can support our lifestyle and live semi-comfortably.  I don't know if that would be true by having another baby.

Another reason is that my sister and I have a not-so-good relationship.  Meaning I would probably cut her out of my life if it weren't for my niece.  DH is an only child so he doesn't know the whole sibling thing.  He didn't mind being an only child.

I think that if we had a boy this time we would be more serious about being done, but I think it's important to DH to have a boy to carry on the family name.  But of course having a boy next time isn't certain!

I think we will evaluate our situation and feelings in a year or so and make the decision then. 

lkstor

We'll probably have another... I always wanted 2u2, but I'm less certain now. DS is very "high needs" and although he is much easier as a toddler than he was in his first months of life - I still can't imagine him sharing his mommy very easily. At least not for a while. Having a LO has also been tough on my relationship with DH. So we might need some time to work on that - something we definitely won't have more of with another newborn. But - like others mentioned - age is a factor. I am 32 now and want to be done by 35. We shall see. For now, Mother Nature seems to be deciding for me. No pp AF means no TTC.

Useonfire

I definitely want more kids in theory, but can easily see DS being an only child. I am, and I turned out just fine.  I am not selfish, I love to share, am very giving etc.  DH has a younger sister (they're about 2 years apart) and they have an incredibly toxic relationship.

DH wants more children - at least 1 if not 2 more.  He's also 40 so his biological clock is ticking for sure.  He wants a little girl too, and of course there is no guarantee.  There's a part of me that thinks if we don't do it soon, I will change my mind. There's another part of me that thinks, maybe we should wait until DS is 2ish and then it might be a lot easier.  After all, while I had a super easy pregnancy, I had a c-section and I terrible time post partum with depression.  I never ever want to go through anything like that again.

All that being said, I find no reason to have another biological child - I would LOVE to adopt. This is something DH and I discussed while we were dating, but now that DS is here, I think he wants more bio children. I actually think I could handle more children a little bit easier that way, since I def. wouldn't get any kind of hormonal PPD...

I'm looking forward to reading more of the responses!

Mrs. Diss

DH and I differ on this. I would be very content to just have DD. He is strongly against only having 1. I don't regret anything we went through, not a second of it, because I got Addie, but I don't know that I can/want to do it again.  Also, financially, we don't have a lot and I'm afraid things would be too tight with another one and we wouldn't be able to give them everything they need, let alone things they want. DH has a brother he's extremely close to and I think that's part of it. I have a sister, but we didn't get along as kids and we're still struggling to have a good relationship now. I certainly don't want to deny Addie anything, but I also don't want her to grow up resenting her sibling. It's hard. I told DH we would discuss it again when she's 2. But, who knows.

PurpleK26

We are not. We're leaning towards the #4 for kids. I'm the oldest of 4 kids, DH is the youngest of 3. We have several reasons for wanting more

• Don't want DD to have Only Child Syndrome. We have a few friends or relatives who only have one child and they are ALL nightmares. ALL of them. And the parents have no clue... a few of them have even mentioned how  happy they are that their child doesn't have it.
• We want DD to have someone to play with. We think it builds good personalities and makes kids have to share and compromise with others. 
• DH is the last boy in his family, therefore, we need to have at least one boy to carry on the family name! (this isn't a really big reason, but it is a reason)
• We've also thought alot about when we get older. We feel that it would be alot for just one person, even if they are  grandparents themselves, to have to deal with making decisions for us, nursing homes etc. Then when we die they'll be completely alone. No family left. We don't want that for Kaygan, so we'll give her some sibs.

All that being said, I certainly don't judge anyone for only having one. It's everyones choice, and I definitely think that this board has big reasons to be nervous to try for more!

katenaustin

I don't know....I go back and forth about whether or not after I meet the right someone and get married or at least in a commented relationship as to whether or not I'm going to try again. I Hyper ovulate so I'll 90% of the time always end up with twins or a higher set of multiples, so I worry about whether or not I'll go through the same issues with another pregnancy. But my specialist said that the issues that the boys had is common and also reoccurring. So I don't know that I could mentally put myself through it. Then again at the same time I want another baby. Heck I just had DS nearly 7 months ago and I've already got baby fever. But I had an emergency c~section and my OB said I should wait at least a year if not 2 because I'm still having horrid issues. Plus on the down side of pregnancy again every pregnancy from here on out I have to have a c~section. So I'm not super interested in that, because that HURTS. Lol. But I personally think if you and you DH think you can handle it you should try again.

Rachel&Joe

we are 1 & done.  i have lost 4 babies (all in 1 year--2 D&Cs, lots of heartache) & then stella was born 3 months early & was in the nicu for 3 months.  pregnancy is not my thing!  we may consider adopting at some point but I am pretty sure we are done with biological babies.

nancyandnate

We are one and done.  V similar to Rachel&Joe.  All the losses, having a premie and now dealing with his allergies.  I also turned 40 in Jan, so can't imagine having better outcomes in my 40s than I did in my 30s.  We may adopt, as I'd like him to have a sibling someday.

mh2t

I always wanted a big family too - 4-6 kids.  But DD turned out to be a real handful, so I can't really think in those terms right now.  We were always set on having a sibling for her, though.  I think having a sibling is a built-in way to teach good lessons on sharing and how to get along with others.  If for some reason we were unable to have a second, we'd adopt.  I don't want my baby to be an only child!