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Jenn478
member
Kylie 10/21/08
Twin Ectopic - lost left tube 12/29/10
Surprise BFP EDD 8/21/13
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What is your daycare's policy with regard to biting?
Jenn478
member
in Working Moms
DD started daycare for the first time today, she has previously stayed at home with a nanny. We chose a center that is highly recommended and used by many of my coworkers, but she was bitten twice today on her first day! She was being bitten as I walked in the room to pick her up this afternoon and I saw the boy biting her, he was the same boy that bit a kid when we were looking at the center a month ago. I saw them handle the bite and felt they did an appropriate job.
They (directors) think it is typical behavior for child in her room because they cannot speak to express themselves and do not have a rule for x amount of bites and you are out. I am just trying to get a range for what is acceptable at other centers.
TIA!
Kylie 10/21/08
Twin Ectopic - lost left tube 12/29/10
Surprise BFP EDD 8/21/13
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Re: What is your daycare's policy with regard to biting?
My ds has been bitten twice by the same little girl at dc...it doesn't worry me too much. One day it was only him that she bit - he walked into a little playhouse where she & other kids were and she apparently didn't want him in there? Another day she bit 5 kids. I guess I liken it to having siblings - sure ds is an only child right now & at a dc, but it could just as easily be a sibling or a cousin biting him....on occasion it is tolerated, but needs to be dealt with.
Both times the teachers told us about it. They commented that some parents deal with biters better than others in terms of getting their kid to stop - there is only so much they can do at the Center to stop the biting. I don't really know what a parent is supposed to do at home to stop the biting (I'm still new at this toddler-parent thing).
Right now my ds is going through a hitting phase, at least I hope its a phase, so I can see it from the other side too that some parents might be put off by my ds's actions. I do think its related to him not talking yet - its a form of expression, albeit one I wish he wouldn't use. We work at home to discourage it and teach him words to use instead.
I was looking for a three strikes and you are out daycare, but none are close enough. At DS's daycare, bite all you want. Nanny starts in 2 weeks!
BOTH of my DSs were the BITERS at there daycare centers. Up front, I Just wanted to say that personally, I feel that being the parent of the biter is much harder than being the parent of the child who gets bitten. It's embarassing, others judge you (and your child), they think it's abnormal and wrong (when it's 100% perfectly healthy and normal developmental behavior for *some* children), and you are made to feel bad and guilty by many other people- family, friends, the parents of the kid that was bitten, the daycare providers, etc. So please keep that in mind when YOUR child gets bitten... anyway, we've had 2 centers: KinderCare and The Goddard School. At Kindercare, their policy was that if your DC bit another and broke the skin, they were pulled out of the class, put in the office, and you get a phone call to come and pick them up from school. If they bite and break the skin 3 TIMES, you are asked to leave or make other daycare arrangements. However, if the bite didn't break the skin, and there were 3 bites in 1 day, you'd get called to pick up your child. Basically, at the KinderCare we went to, they punish the parent and reinforce bad biting behavior by rewarding your child for biting. It's such a treat for a toddler to get to go home early from school and get mommy all to himself. That is why we left KinderCare- because their policy again, is to punish the biter and the parent, all while reinforcing the bad biting behavior.
At the Goddard School, they work with you. They keep a "bite log" and find out when, where, why, who the child bit. They have even called in an extra staff member to "shadow" my child to do the investigation and gather baseline data on the biting events. Keeping a bite log and doing 1:1 shadowing allows them to look for patterns in behavior. Is it the same child, is it at the same time every day, is it over a fight for a toy, etc. If they keep the bite log, they can try to be proactive and prevent the biting from happening. For my DS, he always bit the same child- typically late in teh day when he's tired and hungry and knows we're almost there to get him. It's usually a fight over a toy since 2 year olds don't exactly take pleasure in sharing with one another. Once daycare figured this out, they were able to watch the two boys more closely, and separate them if they noticed a fight over a toy / a bite was about to occur. I also sent extra snacks for my chld to eat around pick up time since he was hungry, I gave him an extra 1/2 hour of sleep daily too to combat the tiredness. Daycare even printed out articles on biting, did research for us and gave us handouts. The Goddard School actually worked with us and used a scientific, systematic approach to the biting behaviors. Needless to say, DS is not a biter anymore.
So what? The other kids in the class should continue to be bitten so as to not punish you? Are you kidding me? No way in hell a kid who bites that much should be around other kids.
ETA: I wish my local Kinder Care had that biting policy! My son would so be there!!
You will love your nanny, ours is still a part of our family even though she does not watch my DD all day anymore. She was with us since my DD was 4 months old and I went back to work, she even stopped by the daycare and spent time with her today and made sure she is ok. She is so attached to her and the bond they have is so special, I know it cost a lot more, but I have no regrets for having a nanny. They went to The Little Gym and Kindermusic class so she did have interaction with other kids her age. Good luck!
Thankfully there were no bites in her room today, they split the kids up amongst the two teachers and kept them busy with different activities. I really hope the stay as proactive as they did today. Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate all of the viewpoints.
Kylie 10/21/08
Twin Ectopic - lost left tube 12/29/10
Surprise BFP EDD 8/21/13
This is what our daycare does too. Biting is normal toddler behavior - but its not good and needs to be addressed and carefully monitored by the daycare staff adn parents. DD has been bitten once and they are keeping an eye on the situation.
We are dealing with this at DD's daycare-- there is a 2.5 yo that has been her several times, along with other kids in the class.
I don't blame the biter's parents, because I'm assuming she doesn't bite at home. I do think the daycare has some responsibility for handling this though. I think that there aren't enough negative consequences for the biter. If anything, she is probably being positively reinforced because the daycare does not believe in timeout, punishment, etc. I would think that an appropriate response would be to put the biter in timeout or withhold a special toy, etc. after the biting occurs to let her know that the behavior is not okay. What they do is explain to her that it hurts and have her help to put ice on the bitten kid. She is probably enjoying the extra attention because this recurring problem has not improved in months. Granted, they are also now having someone shadow her and they are bringing in an outside specialist to observe the class. But at some point, I think the daycare has the responsibility to either use punishment or expel the child. I understand that biting is "normal" (I prefer "typical"--- I don't know if I'd really call it "normal") -- but anyway it is not normal for my 2.5 yo to have scares on her shoulder where you can see another child's teethmarks in a ring for an entire week.
I think it's ignorant to assume that biting means that the kid can't be around other kids. What about the kids who hit, pinch, push, spit... I'm not sure why BITING is seen as the worse offense. Spitting exchanges bodily fluids, pinching causes bruising, swelling, and sometimes bleeding. A child that does those behaviors is just as bad as a biter. And when I pay $2050 a MONTH for two of my kids to go to their center, they better work FOR me and provide ME with a service that I pay for, therefore, they need to show some customer service and work WITH me, my child, and our family.
A center such as the KinderCare we went to, is just plain lazy and taking the easy way out for punishing the parent. Why should we pay that kind of money just to be called out of work because the DAYCARE providers aren't educated and skilled enough to deal with NORMAL childhood biting behavior. And it positively reinforces negative behavior (biting) by rewarding a child for doing it (getting to go home early). Seriouslly, give me a break. IMHO, ALL centers who take the lazy and easy way out, who DON'T work w/the families, who BLAME, who force a parent to lose money and pick up a child because they are lazy and unskilled to deal with NORMAL behavior, aren't good centers.
Yes, it sounds like your center is trying their hardest to do the right thing, shadow the biter, bring in a specialist, etc. Biting at 2.5 is a "normal" as pinching, hitting, slapping, pushing, spitting, etc. My reformed biter, who is 2.5 y.o. also, used to come home with bruises from when the other kid pinched him. I have also witnessed this other child hit and push him. Guess what, my child did after that, he retaliated and bit. The bruise marks and swelling from the pinch lasted for at least a week too. Again, why does BITING get so much more emphasis than the other normal, negative toddler behaviors?
Again, I ask, why is BITING worse than scratching, hitting, pinching, spitting, etc. Most children, like MY reformed biters, ALWAYS bit for a reason- they don't just do it for fun. They bit because another child wasn't taught how to share, and a struggle for a toy ensued. They bit because another child HIT them, pushed them, pinched them, spit in them, etc. Biting is NO worse than those other behaviors. If a DC center, like you said above, doesn't watch a child and allows ALL kinds of negative behaviors to go on, then that center sucks. I think that for some reason, people put biting is this super horrid behavior category, when other bad behaviors are okay. IMHO, that's hypocritical. Spitting exchanges bodily fluids, hitting, pinching, scratching, etc. leaves marks, draws blood, bruises, and lasts just as long as a bite mark... just wanting everyone to keep an open mind and see things from all perspectives before judging others, that all...
You are so concerned about the parents of the biter that you forget about the parents of the injured child. How fair is it that my Dh had to get called out of work to take DS to the pedi because some kid bit my child for the second time? How fair is that to my child to have to leave because another child was bad? That child got to stay. That child's parents didn't have to leave work.
Not every daycare has the extra help to have one staffer follow around a biter. It just isn't possible at every daycare. And at those places the best thing to do is get rid of the repeat offenders. Human bites from children usually do not break the skin, however when they do there is a 10% chance of infection on top of exposure to bodily fluids. That is why biting is taken a lot more seriously than pinching.
You are so upset that the biter's parents are judged because you are the biters' parent. How about you live life in the shoes of a parent that your child hurt. Doesn't feel so good. And I am sure you somehow told the other child's parents that you were sorry this happened and were working on correcting the behavior. Oh wait. You are too wrapped up in this being a "normal" behavior. Well it is not an acceptable behavior.
BTW, I expect the daycare to protect my child as best as possible from children who are known to bite, hit, ect. You are not the only "customer" in the daycare. In your response, I saw a lot of me, me, me and no concern for anyone else. KinderCare was probably glad to get rid of you.
Oh no, you are quite incorrect. I HAVE been the parent of a child who has been bitten, pinched, kicked, spit on, or otherwise hurt. These are some of the behaviors the OTHER child displayed, whiched caused MY child to bite in retaliation. I am just asking that people quit judging and get off their soap boxes. I just want people to quit being so hypocritcal and ignorant.
Biting IS normal, it is NO WORSE than any other normal/"unacceptable" behavior (hitting, pinching, etc.). I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on that. And what I wanted was for the center to approach all families and children involved. If KC couldn't do that, they don't deserve my business beause they SUCK. They weren't able to watch ALL children and prevent ALL bad behaviors from occuring. What is intersting, is that the KC I went to lost a lot of business to our current DC center. Obviouslly, we weren't the only ones who took our business elsewhere... WE were glad to get rid of THEM...
I totally agree with you, which is why we left the KC near our home. ALL kids need to be protected and carefully watched, that is what we pay for. The employees and the center need to be help accountable. If a child needs guidance and help getting rid of their negative behavior, the DC center has an OBLIGATION to help and support this. Our centered didn't. They violated the 1:4 ratio rule multiple times, and we reported them, and of course, they were cited by the WA State DOH for this. They did NOT watch the kids well, and chose only to focus on biters by punishing the parents and reinforcing the behavior. They WANTED to see my son bite so they can send him home and meet their ratio... this was obvious, and this got them cited. They are not a good center. The funny thing is, when we witnessed our kid get hit, pinched, pushed, etc. NO incident report was filled out- until he bit in retaliation. The minute we switched daycares, he quit biting. DS#2 started biting at the new center, but that was quickly corrected by the new center since they did it the right way, unlike KC.
I hope things work out at your center, again, it sounds like they are being proactive and approaching the situation correctly. Best of luck to you and your daughter!
So it is always the other kid's fault that your children did anything bad? You are going to be something special once your children start real school.
For the record, the child that bit my child did so twice without being provokes. Both bites were witnessed. My son was playing and the other child came up from behind him and bit him on the back of the shoulder. It was after breakfast and not close to a nap time. The daycare didn't understand why this child bit. So it isn't always about biting to defend yourself. His parents were jerks about it. I judge the hell out of them. This is not a normal behavior.