Poll: Why did you want a child/children?

Mrs.G_09

My husband asked me yesterday why I want children and I couldn't think of what to say. I know this is a personal question and everyone has there own reasons. My husband has just been so wishy washy over the past year about wanting to start a family. One minute he's on board and the next he never wants kids.

I just don't know how to put my desire for a family into words. Jason said maybe once his sister has her baby it will change his mind. I know I can't rush him, but it's just so frustrating when he gets my hopes up and then changes his mind over and over again.

MelVic

Why did I want children?

Because for me, i wanted nothing more in the world then to be a Mother...I felt that my life would have bern incomplete if I never had any children...

ash.flea

That is a hard question.  I always knew I wanted kids someday, and then eventually I just decided I was ready.  I am not sure what prompted it at all.  I guess I just always saw myself as a mom.  DH actually got baby fever before I did, thankfully.  I'm sorry you guys aren't on the same page yet.

dexspsandqs

To be honest, I was pretty focused on myself (and career) and thought I may have wanted one child- h on the other hand loves babies/kids.

I think it has a lot to do with being a by product of your environment. His family is tight knit, reliable and very family oriented and I'm a product of being an only child, small family, divorce and we're just not that close.  I revolted against many traditional elements that surround babies and marriage but after I had my dd the rest was history.

One of the many reasons I love my H is because he was patient and willing to do what it took to see me come around..could it be possible your h is somewhat like me?  A lot of people I know wary of children/marriage come from an environment where things weren't picture perfect and as a result have apprehensions.

 

 

jebuell

I've been working with kids at camp since I was 16 and I was a nanny for one family for 3 years.  Even now at 26 I'm back working at camp!  I love kids.  I love other people's kids enough to want to spend an entire summer with them so I figure I'll probably like my kids a whole lot more!  Haha!

I really cannot imagine my life without having kids.  To me that just seems sad and lonely.  I wish I could have, like, 10 kids so we can have two full kickball teams!  But that's not really financially reasonable for me right now.  But maybe when the time comes to try again it will be... who knows. 

lauralizabee

I think there are a lot of reasons, but maybe the biggest reason is DH and I want kids because we have great memories of times spent with our families and want to be able to make our own fun and memories with our own family.

Alexandra&John

I was never the type to say "I was born to be a mother" or "I love kids" to be honest, I didn't really like kids much.  But once I was married and saw what a great father John is to his son, I knew, we needed to make a baby together.  I love how much I love her and how much she loves me.

modom3278

Both DH and I could come up with far more reasons why NOT to have children.  However, when it came down to it, it was still an emotional decision.  Despite the fact that our lives would be much easier without children, in our hearts, we still saw ourselves with at least one little one.  My DH was very much like yours though, one day saying "when we have kids..." the next day saying "no kids - ever" so I knew I had to let him figure it out for himself.   And eventually, he is the one who proposed TTC.  The rest is history!

natalee215

Both DH and I both come from larger families and neither of us could really imagine our lives without a family of our own.  I honestly don't think that my life would ever be complete if I didn't have children.  When I was a little girl (and then a teenager and a girl in my 20s,) I always dreamed of my wedding and my husband and my children, not a career.  For me, work is more of a means to an end.  I've always felt that family was the purpose in life.

All of that being said...whenever I would start dating someone, the issue of children would inevitably come up and if we weren't on the same page with something that I felt so strongly about then that was the end of the relationship.  To me, having children was a deal breaker in the same way that not having children is a deal breaker to others.  My high school sweetheart (we're still friends) feels very strongly about not having children and if he starts dating someone who says they want kids, then he ends the realationship.

nataliejp519

Like Alex, I was/am never the type to say "I was born to be a mother" but I am also the type who wouldn't say "I'm never having kids" either.  After seeing how patient and caring Jordan is with my 5 year old brother I knew we would make a great team of parents together.  I also find it amazing that you get to watch something you created grow and learn and become their own person.  That is an experience I now know I want to have

Buttercup29

I thought I would never get married and I also thought I would never have kids. I went a long time not wanting them. DH had the fever long before me. It was really important to him to have atleast one kid and it helped calm my fear of being a mom. I can't say I'll be perfect and I am still scared about the bean, but I am excited to add a little one to our family where we can share our lives, memories and experiences with.

Mrs.G_09

Thank you ladies!

Dex- My husband's parents divorced when he was a baby. His dad left because he decided he didn't want a family. Despite his dad's actions early in his life his family is very tight knit and loving. He has a good relationship with his dad now. He's never said it, but maybe he's scared he will turn into his father.

I'm anxious to have this discussion with him now. Too bad I won't see him til Thursday.

sillybiochemist

When dating, the option to have kids was required for me.  As someone else mentioned, it was more emotional than rational for the decision to have a little one running around the house.  Financially you can't justify having kids honestly.  It really came down to me asking myself if I would regret not having a child (whether it was biological or not) and that answer always came out to be yes.  Then again I was always labeled the "mom" of the group of friends I was hanging out with.  DH was always where he could go either way on having kids or not but he was as much on board with having kids as I was when the time came.  Honestly that probably sped things up in some ways on a timeline for actually having a little one.  Age was the other reason since in general it's more risky to have kids later in life, we felt pressure from ourselves to start NOW so we had the option of having two reasonably spaced apart.

I'm still a bit scared I'll turn into my mom and drive my kids away from me (to some extent) or DH away but I'm coming to terms with it slowly. (she drives me crazy!!)  It also helps to remind myself that even though we share some of the same genetic material, we have different life experiences and even though she influences my decisions now it is my choice how I live my life.  Some days are easier than others.

GL!  When you talk to DH, give him some room and remember you can always pick up the discussion later.   You just need to start the conversation you don't have to finish it now.  It helped us to lay the cards out on the table, talk about fears and hopes (just like any other dream) and go from there.