How to ask MIL/FIL...(sensitive topic)

MrsAzull

not to smoke around A. DH and I had a discussion, and he agreed that we would try our best not to have A around smokers, and he thought his dad smoked outdoors whenever the kids were around. Well MIL watched A a few wks ago and when I came to pick him up, there was FIL sitting at the computer (in their family rm where A was) smoking away. Yes he had the ceiling fan and windows open, but still.

Before anyone flames (even though our group arent mean hearty ladies) I know I cant totally avoid people who smoke, and everyone has a right to smoke.

So this makes me hesitate asking MIL to ever watch A, and I dont know how to or even how DH should bring this up.

Anyone else experience this?

dexspsandqs

Here is the thing- if it is in their house, ultimately, it's their rules/decision.  I'd be ticked off beyond belief- but, I'd have spoken with them before they ever watched A.

Have you ever flat out asked them respectfully? As in, 'as non smokers, we do NOT want anyone smoking around A, we ask that you respect our decision and not smoke near him- period..'  The alternate, would be for them to watch A in your home and for you FIL to smoke outside if he is with your MIL.

If they knew this (and, seriously- it should be common sense) and had the disregard to smoke in front of him despite your wishes being known I'd find a new babysitter.  When MIL or FIL ask why you can then calmly state we asked that no one smoke in front of A, since our wishes were NOT respected we decided to hire someone when we needed to get out to ensure our wishes were being respected.

 

AND, no flames here- I ask smokers to wash their hands after they have gone outside before they manhandle my LO's.

 

natalee215

I agree with Dex. Also, since it's DH's parents, I would probably have him do the talking.

niuchick21

BJ's stepdad and my Aunt's girlfriend both smoke and smoke in their house.  I would never let either of them watch our potential future children anyway, but we've already discussed about how we don't want our babies in a house where people smoke in it.  I'm not sure how we will handle it then, so I understand your wanting to tread lightly. GL and I hope it all gets resolved.

Lisa7

As a smoker I kinda wanted to say you're no out of line to ask this. I never smoke around kids, especially kids that know me. I honestly don't want them to know I smoke. I always wash my hands before playing with kids b/c I don't wnat them to smell it of have the germs.

But anyways, I would definatly have your DH do the talking but I personally wouldn't be offended. I don't think it's something unreasonable to ask. GL

BlondeBeachBride08

My MIL smokes and it's an established rule that when the grandkids are over, she doesn't smoke in the house. I believe my SIL had to actually sit her down and request it though.

She's been pretty good about not smoking in front of me while I've been pregnant. She lit up one time when I was across the room and I was pissed but didn't say anything because I couldn't even smell it. If my baby were there it would have been a different story. 

jebuell

I don't think that request would be flameworthy at all! My grandmother spoked around me all the time. I remember sitting on her lap and inhaling the smoke because I liked the smell (she smoked menthols). It took my parents a few years to figure out why I had chronic bronchitis! When my grandma quit smoking I stopped getting sick and that's when they figured it out. Also I was diagnosed with asthma when I was only 11. I think all the smoking I was exposed to caused it. So when I have a baby there will be absolutely NO smoking around my kid and I won't hesitate to tell people this.

Just be polite and say your preference is to not have A exposed to smoke of any kind when he's so young and his lungs are still developing.  I think they love him enough that they will respect this request. 

sillybiochemist

My guess is that it's probably best to have DH do it since it's his family.  My FIL (and step dad) smokes outside of the house, so I figure I'll just ask him to wash up after smoking which I don't think will be a problem with either one of them.  My plan is to say we're trying to reduce the amount of smoke the little one comes in contact with and would appreciate it if you could help us with this.  For me that makes it sound like you're not condeming what they are doing but asking them to do something small to help you raise your little one.  Not sure how well it would work but I know if you try to lay a guilt trip on them it will probably backfire. 

For me the excuse is easy b/c allergies run in my family and asthma is here and there throughout the family.  Both men are respectful of others around them that don't smoke so that helps.  I know not every one is that way.  My mom recently stopped smoking (for the second time) so I'm hoping she can keep that up long term for both her health and for the health of our little one.