Questions for anyone who had a missed miscarriage...

itsmegin

If you had to end up doing a D&C or misoprostol, how long after they found the baby was gone did you do it? Because of all the uncertainty around mine, I'll be 11w6d when I do the misoprostol tomorrow. The baby stopped growing at 6 weeks, so it's been in there for almost 6 weeks now. Isn't that weird/bad?

Also, I am really curious why my body didn't recognize it was gone and naturally miscarry. I still haven't had a single drop of spotting, no cramps, nothing. My morning sickness finally started dissipating as of a few days ago, but until then it was actually getting worse, even though the baby was long gone. Does anyone know why some women miscarry naturally right away and some hang onto a pregnancy for a long time? Just curious if it's random or if it means anything, and haven't found any info on that online.

elisbu

I can't answer that because I am still in limbo kind of, but I've also wondered the same thing, why isn't my body taking care of things if this baby isn't growing??

I also feel weird/bad that I don't want to have a d&c or use misoprostol because then it's so final, anyone else feel this way?

Right now this baby is part of me, and my motherly instinct is to hold onto it!!!

 I don't know what DH and I will decide to do after tomorrow's sonogram. We went to church this morning and for the first time in my life  I asked God for a miracle, but science tells me there won't be a baby in there.

itsmegin

elisbu:

I can't answer that because I am still in limbo kind of, but I've also wondered the same thing, why isn't my body taking care of things if this baby isn't growing??

I also feel weird/bad that I don't want to have a d&c or use misoprostol because then it's so final, anyone else feel this way?

Right now this baby is part of me, and my motherly instinct is to hold onto it!!!

 I don't know what DH and I will decide to do after tomorrow's sonogram. We went to church this morning and for the first time in my life  I asked God for a miracle, but science tells me there won't be a baby in there.

Ugh I know exactly how you feel! Although I believe it's gone (I've had 4 ultrasounds, so while it was hard to accept, I kind of have to believe it) and I do want to move on, I am absolutely dreading doing the misoprostol tomorrow, because it makes me feel like I am the one giving myself a miscarriage.

I've always been really pro-life, and now I'm in this awful position where I'm using what is sometimes referred to as an "abortion pill" to make myself have one. I also HATE that all my paperwork calls it a "missed abortion." I know medically it's the correct term but to me it looks like I didn't want this baby.

dolphinsmakemesmile

I can relate to what you ladies are saying.  I found out at 10 wks there was no hb.  Baby measured 9 wks, but doc said my uterus only felt like it was 61/2-7 wks pregnant.  For me, I never really felt pregnant (no morning sickness ever, etc.).  Doc told me sometimes loss of symptoms are a sign of missed m/c.  But then again sometimes no b/c everyone has difft. symptoms.  I never had spotting, pain, etc.  All I had was the usual mild cramping, but I had that entire time of pregnancy, which is supposedly normal because your ute is growing and stretching.

The doctors don't even know why the body doesn't recognize a missed m/c (hence the name).  This totally sucks and I know exactly what you mean about missed ab.  I hate that term and it was on all my ppwork.  I chose to have a D&C.  For me, once I knew it was not going to be a viable pregnancy, I wanted it over with as quickly as possible.  I kept touching my belly and was like why, there's a dead baby in there (I couldn't handle it).  I found out about my missed m/c on a Sat. at u/s tech's office.  Went in to see my OB on Monday to discuss options.  Then on Thursday that week I had the D&C (had to schedule it at the ambulatory center, etc.).  While it was almost a few days waiting, to me it was extreme torture.

I should have been 13 wks yesterday, just entering 2nd tri.  It's so hard to think about it.  I am so sorry for your loss and hope the misoprostal takes quick so it is over quickly for you.  ((HUGS))

heyemilina

I took the misoprosol right before I was 10 weeks, the baby measured 8 weeks and no HB. For me, when they first gave me my options, I wanted to just wait it out and do m/c naturally. However, after thinking it over for a few days, I decided the meds would be better, because, really, I had no idea how long it would take to m/c naturally. I didn't want to wait a month or longer. I didn't want that constant physical reminder. While the week of bleeding (and I was lucky I only had that) and cramps SUCKED, now that it's over, I feel like I'm ready to move on. 

Plus, the misoprosol gave me some feeling of control over a very uncontrollable situation. I knew when I was going to bleed, although I didn't know how long. If I had just waited, I could have started bleeding at any time, and I didn't like that thought.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Ultimately, you have to make the decision that feels right for you.

ColindaP

I just used the misoprostol at 10w3d and the miscarriage was very similar to my natural miscarriages.

As far as why your body didn't recognize it and begin the miscarriage by itself, it's not you and your body. It's just what happened this pregnancy. I've had 4 miscarriages and only this one required medical intervention. My body is perfectly capable of miscarrying on its own and normally does, it just didn't this time.

The main underlying theme you'll run into again and again as you look for answers about miscarriage is that, quite simply, no one has answers. 

kjpam

Two of my three m/c were missed m/c ( the first and third ones ).  It took quite a while for my body to realize that baby had passed ( 1st m/c: 4 1/2 weeks 2nd m/c: 3 1/2 weeks ).   What upset me so much about my missed m/c is you are going along and everything seems fine ( m/s, sore bb's, headaches, all the usual sysmptoms ) and you have no clue that your LO has gone to heaven.  It such a shock when you find out.  I remember feeling like the room was spinning and I could barely comprehend what the doctor was saying ( that's why I was so glad my d/h was with me ... he's a good listener and asks lots of questions ).   With my third m/c my doctor and the ultra sound tech kept asking me "and you haven't been spotting?"  I just said no when I wanted to say, "ummm no, don't you think I would have noticed if I was bleeding.  Why do you keep asking me that?".  They seemed amazed I had not been spotting.  I think with my third m/c the progesterone I was taking slowed down my natural m/c.   From what my doctor told me the missed m/c is random and kind of rare.  And does not indicate anything in particular.  Just a random occurrence. How lucky I feel to have experienced that rare, random occurrence twice.   

I have no experience with taking medication to begin the m/c as I did finally start bleeding on my own.  The only thing I would offer is that it is probably a very good idea at this point.  As it 6 weeks that you have been holding onto your precious little one, with all the sadness and pain you are already going through you don't want to add the chance of infection as well.    Sending thoughts and prayers to you ... big hugs !!!

itsmegin

Thanks for the insight ladies. And just to clarify, I'm 100% sure I'm doing the misoprostol, the pills are sitting here, ready to go tomorrow. I only delayed so long because in the middle of all of this my OB found a flicker that she thought might be a heartbeat, so we gave it more time just to be sure it was gone. I was concerned about waiting and infection but she didn't seem to be so hopefully it's fine.

 

MaryHCagle

Hey Megin.  I know I am a bit late on this, but the timing of our losses exactly line up.  I was told our baby wasn't past 5.5-6 weeks, however I didn't find out until I started bleeding right before 11 weeks when I started spotting.  I took misoprostol and my bleeding from start to finish was over in 1 weeks.  We also didn't want to have the d&e bc then we had to wait 3 complete cycles before trying again.  Plus in my mind, I worried about scar tissue from d&e/d&c procedures.  I know I have told you this before, but I am so terribly sorry for your loss.  Praying for you and hugs!!

KhloesMom

My baby stopped growing somewhere in the 11th week and the MC wasnt discovered until mid-14th week.

michrocc

I'm so very sorry for your loss. 

I, too, had a missed m/c, which was discovered at around 11 weeks (baby measured around 6-7 weeks - I asked the u/s tech and she said it was hard to tell exactly because babies "shrink when they die."  I'll never be able to get that out of my head...thanks, u/s tech). 

I wish I knew why our bodies didn't recognize what happened.  I initially felt like a bad mother because I didn't "know" that something was wrong.  I felt like my body wasn't working properly and, though it pains me to say or think it, I struggled with the idea that, for all those weeks, my baby was gone but still inside of me.  All the while I was planning and talking to the baby and looking at furniture and envisioning our future, my baby was slipping away and/or gone. That's been really hard to comprehend for me.  I often wonder about the exact moment it happened, too...was I eating lunch when my baby's heart stopped beating?  Was I at work?  Was I asleep? 

I try not to go there anymore if I can help it.  Ultimately I have to forgive myself and my body.  I did the best I could and I loved my baby.  I know it's the same for you, too.

:::::big hugs:::::