newbie here...help!
I normally post of the TTC board but yesterday I received a phone call from my mom telling me her cousin had called her asking if DH and I would want full custody of a 18 month old boy.
The child is in a relative's home now and they have until July 6th to decide if they want custody of him. The relative that is keeping him now already has two kids of her own and 3 of her sister's kids. My mom's cousin seems to think that she (the relative) feels, for lack of a better term, obligated to keep him. It's my understanding that the parents won't have the opportunity to get him back. If we did go through the process we would receive assistance from DSS.
Ok...so I obviously don't know a lot of the details about the situation. I guess the main thing that I need help with is trying to help my husband understand why I feel the need to go through with this.We have been TTC for a year with no such luck. My DH and I haven't had the opportunity to discuss it but when I told him after I received the phone call he said we would talk about it and he wanted to keep TTC (and so do I).
I know you all can't tell me what to do...but I need some input here! I feel very "led" to go through with this and feel like opportunities like this doesn't happen very often.
TIA!! 
Re: newbie here...help!
I can totally understanding feeling led to go through with this. DH and I were completely open to adoption before we found out we would have trouble TTC. We want a family and while we are hoping to adopt, we also plan to continue TTC even to the IVF point if needed. Have you and DH discussed adoption before? If so, what was outcome?
Obviously, first step is to talk to DH. If he can't get on board, then I would absolutely not go through with it. I know my DH is only open to young infant adoption where they are our child from the beginning.
If he is somewhat interested and the family decides not to adopt, then I'd want to meet the child. I'd throw that out to DH and see what he thinks. However, if after meeting the child, DH doesn't feel this is meant to be, then you have to prepare yourself to walk away. I had to wait a long time for my DH to be ready to actually proceed with adoption. I knew that I couldn't push him towards it, although I did pray that his heart would be ready. Now that he is ready, it's so worth the wait to share in the excitement of the process. I hope you guys can agree to a solution and please keep us posted!
Ever since we started dating we have wanted 2 biokids and 1 adopted. So, I know he's open to adoption but not sure if he's open to it right now. We always thought that we would have 2 biokids first and then adopt later, but we are having TTTC and I feel like everything in life happens for a reason.
I will definately keep you posted and Thanks so much for the awesome advice. I hadn't really thought about asking to meet the child.
While I am absolutely not saying this is what YOU should do but rather this is what I would do. I would take this little boy in a heartbeat (after meeting him to see if he mesh's well with you and DH). AND THEN, I would still TTC. I guess I don't understand why you would have to put a stop to what you are already doing unless it's for financial reasons?? Or, take a break for a few months to get used to the new LO and then start back up again.
Why does it matter what order you adopt vs. have biological children? Not trying to be mean, I'm truly asking.
Good luck and can't wait to hear more if you decide to move forward!
I would slow it down and bit and get some more details.
1. Talk to DH about it. If he's not open to it, as the pp said, you can't go forward. Any phone calls/lawyer conversations/etc. need to involve him so you know what you're getting into.
2. Find out why this relative is looking for someone to adopt the child. I would want as much information as possible to make an educated decision whether to add the child to my family.
3. Consult a law firm or agency that specializes in adoption so you can see what process is involved. You obviously can't just have this child come to your house tomorrow and everything will be fine. There is a process, and you may or may not decide that you want to pursue it once you know what you need to do.
This may or may not be The Situation for you, so do your research and take your time.
GL
mcmann05--We are planning to keep TTC either way. Also with the whole adoption thing, we were wanting to do international adoption kinda like a later in life type thing when our own biological kids were grown. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I know what I would do too...but it's not my decision to make. I have talked to DH a little more about it and he seems to understand (somewhat) why I feel so compelled to go through with it. We (he) have still yet to reach a decision.
Dr. Loretta--Thanks for your advice, but this won't be an adoption process (not at first anyway) it will be full custody of him.
How is taking full custody of a child not an adoption? You will have to talk to some sort of lawyer to be able to legally take custody of this child.
Full custody with intent to adopt? or just custody?
We were asked to adopt DD from very extended family when DD was 6 months old. She did not come to live with us until she was 26 months because of all the red tape in bringing her from Canada. DH said we would take her without asking me as we had discussed adoption before and her rejected it. I have a 17 and 16 year old bio kids so we are in the situation that you wanted. If I could choose I would have liked to have DD when the kids were younger so they could all grow-up together.
DD has done great so far.