Do You Ever Wonder...

patchen30

If when you tell people you're IF history, they think to themselves "well she's fvcked"?

I am always cautious when I tell people my story to say that that my RE is optimistic, b/c I don't want people thinking I'm a hopeless case.  I don't want that pity. 

I'm paranoid that people are thinking it though if they don't respond the way I want them to.  I'm convinced that my MIL thinks it, and sometimes I wonder if girls on this board even think it  

kthappy76

I think about this too and then I realize that most ppl don't know know sh*t about IF, so I don't put a lot of stock in their responses.  I think it's good to focus on what your RE thinks.  For many fertile folk the fact that you even have to try AT ALL is a sign of complete failure.

Me&Mr.T

I think my family wonders it sometimes because my aunt went through 9 years of IF before having an hysterectomy and I wonder if my family thinks I am going in the same direction as her. We aren't nearly as far along in treatments right now though (waiting for a job) and hopefully we won't have to go through what she went through.

Dragonfly1226

I actually have the opposite reaction. People tell me, "Well I know it's going to work out for you." And I want to ask them how they can be so sure. I mean, there are no guarantees. For some reason it really bothers me when people say that because I feel like they are just patronizing me and really don't know what the obstacles are.

FWIW, I do not at all think that about you hon  

PinkHope

YES, but you have to put it in perspective. When I was just starting TTC and was TOTALLY NAIVE, I would see people on the boards who had tried for like 10 months and would think, hmm is it ever going to happen for them? It's just ignorance, I knew nothing about IF at that time. So I feel like when people hear I've been trying for almost 2 years, many of them probably think it's a hopeless case for me, even though I don't feel like it's hopeless myself.

The bottom line is that you can't worry about what other people think about your situation, and choose wisely who you want to discuss it with.

 By the way -- I don't think you're a hopeless case, AT ALL.

etoyama

Well I, for one, do not think you're a hopeless case.

krissyh21

I really do not think the general public really believes children are unattainable if you have a uterus. They do not get IF at all, not even in the slightest sense of the word.  I do however know that they have no clue what the right response should be or what to do. 

And I don't believe yourfucked at all! I think if your RE is hopeful there is a chance to obtain this dream as long as you keep hoping and keep going on.

(((hugs)))  

maddie789

I think this is why I have really backed off telling people anything about if IF. I don't want peoples pity. And FWIW, I do NOT think you're a hopeless case at all!!

DeputiesWife

i havent thought this about anyone, for what its worth.  I always see hope in some way , shape, or form.

i respect that you dont want pity. i dont like pity either.

i often worry/wonder when i start to open up that they wont understand and then i will start to get the "relax, it will happen comments"

BunnyintheYard

Yes.  I wonder that about the boards and real life.  I remember lurking here when I was just starting my clomid cycles and feeling so sad to see the long siggies and the people with >1 IVF.  And now look, I'm one of them. 

Lucky for all of us though, our siggies and our history do not predict our outcomes... and our REs really know best. 

p.s. It is so awesome to have an optimistic RE.  The first time my RE said "we're going to get you pregnant, don't worry" I cried for about a week everytime I thought about it.  Keep repeating your REs words in your mind and remember, pity doesn't predict the future. 

Hgugs.

sligarhill

I actually have the opposite reaction. People tell me, "Well I know it's going to work out for you." And I want to ask them how they can be so sure. I mean, there are no guarantees. For some reason it really bothers me when people say that because I feel like they are just patronizing me and really don't know what the obstacles are.

 

**This is how I feel. People keep saying it will happen soon, and it really pisses me off. How the do they know?!

lovemymonkey

I hated feeling pitied too, but I guess it comes with the territory. And I hated when people would say,"I just know it'll happen for you." I always wanted to ask,"oh really? did you hear the voice of God telling you that it was going to happen for me?" but I refrained. I think most people who haven't experienced IF don't know how to respond so they respond with something they think sounds hopeful. I know their intentions are good, even if the comments don't help.

And I totally used to think people thought I was a hopeless case. For a long time, I didn't respond to posts where people asked for encouragement b/c I didn't want them to see my siggy and be discouraged.

patchen30

lovemymonkey:

I hated feeling pitied too, but I guess it comes with the territory. And I hated when people would say,"I just know it'll happen for you." I always wanted to ask,"oh really? did you hear the voice of God telling you that it was going to happen for me?" but I refrained. I think most people who haven't experienced IF don't know how to respond so they respond with something they think sounds hopeful. I know their intentions are good, even if the comments don't help.

And I totally used to think people thought I was a hopeless case. For a long time, I didn't respond to posts where people asked for encouragement b/c I didn't want them to see my siggy and be discouraged.

And look at you now

ladyluxe

First, I don't think you're a hopeless case at all! You're in amazing hands at Cornell....my friend had 6 IVF procedures in total at Cornell and has 2 little girls (not twins...meaning she had 3 IVF and a DD and then 3 IVF). I hate the pity too -- a couple  of my friend IRL know about my IF and they ask me about it all the time and I know they are totally pitying me...especially since all our other friends get pg in like 1 month.

georgiagirl1212

I just want to say I'm sorry.  I had that feeling with my 6-follie cancelled cycle; RE told me that he'd be fine to go ahead with the IUI despite the risk of HOM "considering my history".  Meaning, I'm pretty hard to knock up at .  We canceled anyway, but it was hard to hear the Dr. say that.