I don't know how I feel about this.

CarrieLeigh84

So, there are a few IRL friends who know about this latest loss.

They text me every now and then and see how I'm doing. 

With my last loss, it was all "don't give up, it'll happen for you" but with this one, when I tell them that I'm torn about TTC again, they just say "yeah, I can understand why you want to stop"

 If even optimistic friends are saying this, that makes me sad, and chalks one up for my Pro-quitting TTC list.

EntropicEpona

Maybe they're just not sure if you'll be open to more cheerleading? I imagine it's an awkward spot for them to be in.

If it's any consolation, *I* think you should still keep trying. Statistically, it's got to happen SOMEDAY. It's not likely going to rain sh!t forever. As long as we can all keep the pain at bay, that is.

michrocc

I'm so sorry, Carrie.  It's way easier said than done, but I think it might be better to chalk that one up to "people are stupid" rather than a pro-quitting TTC list.  I have encountered very few people IRL who are supportive in their words and actions and even fewer people who know what it's like to walk a mile in any of our shoes. 

I wish they were move supportive for you.  :::::big hugs:::::

KelinandKevin

Yeah, I am with Entropic on this one.  It can't rain sh!t forever and it WILL happen for you.  I think you she keep on keepin' on!  Don't worry about what they say.  They are probably just trying to say whatever they think you want to hear. 

KristysRedBarn

I'm guessing they don't know what to say, so they're being very neutral in what they do say.  They are saying they can understand your feelings, which I can also, but that doesn't mean I think you should quit.

CarrieLeigh84

I know it can't keep raining sh!t forever (I love that saying) but mentally, I don't know if I could cope with another loss. I know some of you ladies have been through much more than I have, and I greatly admire how strong you are.

It took me more than a year to even begin to be ok with losing Annaliese. And now with this last one, I cant let myself walk down that path again, so I'm bottling it up. (Yeah, unhealthy, I get it, but its better than the alternative)

I'm pretty sure I would have a nervous/mental/everything breakdown if I had to play this game one more time. 

 

AppleRidge

Because you are not the kind of person that takes well to optimism at a time when you're feeling down.  I've gotta admit, I've been afraid to push the Ps&Rs on you, too.  Not that it's stopped me.

They're letting you feel how you need to feel right now and supporting it.  That makes them good friends.

CarrieLeigh84

BBHME:

Because you are not the kind of person that takes well to optimism at a time when you're feeling down.  I've gotta admit, I've been afraid to push the Ps&Rs on you, too.  Not that it's stopped me.

They're letting you feel how you need to feel right now and supporting it.  That makes them good friends.

Maybe I'm having a dumbass moment, but what are Ps&Rs?

AppleRidge

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

Because you are not the kind of person that takes well to optimism at a time when you're feeling down.  I've gotta admit, I've been afraid to push the Ps&Rs on you, too.  Not that it's stopped me.

They're letting you feel how you need to feel right now and supporting it.  That makes them good friends.

Maybe I'm having a dumbass moment, but what are Ps&Rs?

Puppies and rainbows, dumbass.

michrocc

BBHME:

Because you are not the kind of person that takes well to optimism at a time when you're feeling down.  I've gotta admit, I've been afraid to push the Ps&Rs on you, too.  Not that it's stopped me.

They're letting you feel how you need to feel right now and supporting it.  That makes them good friends.

I can see that, too.  I guess I just wish that people would just say "I'm so sorry this happened.  I'm here for you no matter what you decide."  And leave it at that.  It gets murky when people try to guess what to say or what someone needs to hear.  IMO, anyway. 

CarrieLeigh84

BBHME:

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

Because you are not the kind of person that takes well to optimism at a time when you're feeling down.  I've gotta admit, I've been afraid to push the Ps&Rs on you, too.  Not that it's stopped me.

They're letting you feel how you need to feel right now and supporting it.  That makes them good friends.

Maybe I'm having a dumbass moment, but what are Ps&Rs?

Puppies and rainbows, dumbass.

Ohhhhh. Fvck. Do we have to abbreviate EVERYTHING around here? Pretty soon all our sentences are going to be the first letter of each word, and it'll be a free for all as to who can figure out who's saying what.

AppleRidge

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

Because you are not the kind of person that takes well to optimism at a time when you're feeling down.  I've gotta admit, I've been afraid to push the Ps&Rs on you, too.  Not that it's stopped me.

They're letting you feel how you need to feel right now and supporting it.  That makes them good friends.

Maybe I'm having a dumbass moment, but what are Ps&Rs?

Puppies and rainbows, dumbass.

Ohhhhh. Fvck. Do we have to abbreviate EVERYTHING around here? Pretty soon all our sentences are going to be the first letter of each word, and it'll be a free for all as to who can figure out who's saying what.

I.  K.  T.  B.  Y.  A.  R?

CarrieLeigh84

BBHME:

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

Because you are not the kind of person that takes well to optimism at a time when you're feeling down.  I've gotta admit, I've been afraid to push the Ps&Rs on you, too.  Not that it's stopped me.

They're letting you feel how you need to feel right now and supporting it.  That makes them good friends.

Maybe I'm having a dumbass moment, but what are Ps&Rs?

Puppies and rainbows, dumbass.

Ohhhhh. Fvck. Do we have to abbreviate EVERYTHING around here? Pretty soon all our sentences are going to be the first letter of each word, and it'll be a free for all as to who can figure out who's saying what.

I.  K.  T.  B.  Y.  A.  R?

Try this one:

G. F. Y. S.

 

I'll give you a cookie if you get it on the first round.

AppleRidge

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

Because you are not the kind of person that takes well to optimism at a time when you're feeling down.  I've gotta admit, I've been afraid to push the Ps&Rs on you, too.  Not that it's stopped me.

They're letting you feel how you need to feel right now and supporting it.  That makes them good friends.

Maybe I'm having a dumbass moment, but what are Ps&Rs?

Puppies and rainbows, dumbass.

Ohhhhh. Fvck. Do we have to abbreviate EVERYTHING around here? Pretty soon all our sentences are going to be the first letter of each word, and it'll be a free for all as to who can figure out who's saying what.

I.  K.  T.  B.  Y.  A.  R?

Try this one:

G. F. Y. S.

 

I'll give you a cookie if you get it on the first round.

You said first letter of each sentence.  You don't even know your own code.

CarrieLeigh84

BBHME:

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

CarrieLeigh84:

BBHME:

Because you are not the kind of person that takes well to optimism at a time when you're feeling down.  I've gotta admit, I've been afraid to push the Ps&Rs on you, too.  Not that it's stopped me.

They're letting you feel how you need to feel right now and supporting it.  That makes them good friends.

Maybe I'm having a dumbass moment, but what are Ps&Rs?

Puppies and rainbows, dumbass.

Ohhhhh. Fvck. Do we have to abbreviate EVERYTHING around here? Pretty soon all our sentences are going to be the first letter of each word, and it'll be a free for all as to who can figure out who's saying what.

I.  K.  T.  B.  Y.  A.  R?

Try this one:

G. F. Y. S.

 

I'll give you a cookie if you get it on the first round.

You said first letter of each sentence.  You don't even know your own code.

 

FAIL FAIL! Miss Smartie pants isn't so smart!!!

 

I bolded it for you, above, just to help you out a bit.

See, pregnancy is already eating your brain.

AppleRidge

CarrieLeigh84:

FAIL FAIL! Miss Smartie pants isn't so smart!!!

I bolded it for you, above, just to help you out a bit.

See, pregnancy is already eating your brain.

Sh!t.  You are so right.

I'll be outside hiding in the bushes.

CarrieLeigh84

Watch out for those internet beavers. You may have pissed them off.

 

On an unrelated note, karma quickly slapped me in the face for my reply to the Ellie post.

I sure hope the 'Good luck to you as well' wasn't in reference to the pregnancy I just flushed down the toilet. Uhhhhhhhgghhh

dondraandluis

BBHME:

CarrieLeigh84:

FAIL FAIL! Miss Smartie pants isn't so smart!!!

I bolded it for you, above, just to help you out a bit.

See, pregnancy is already eating your brain.

Sh!t.  You are so right.

I'll be outside hiding in the bushes.

Lol! BTW,  I love your response to the post about mulitple tickers for the same thing

sunshinenva

I vote for keep on TTC!  Don't give up, but I understand that may be easier for me to say than for someone to do.  I have friends that say similar things, but at the end of the day I know they all mean well and I acually put more stock into the opinions and supports I receive from you ladies because you have been there done that and truely get the whole picture.  Hugs to you Carrie!

dondraandluis

Sorry hon. That would hurt my feelings. I can understand not wanting to go through it again but I still don't want to give up and I don't think you should just yet either.

JuJuBe3

I'm sorry you're feelng that way.  I understand.  This happened to me with a lot of people after my 2nd loss.  In fact even my in laws, who came over to our house just to say they were sorry and deliver flowers and hugs after our 1st loss, did not say a word to me after we lost the 2nd one. 

It has to do more with them than it does you.  I know you know this, but only time will help you decide if you want to try again or not.  It's effing scary!

OCIrishBruin

(((hugs))) I agree with the pps - people don't really know what to say and I think they are just trying to guess what you want to hear.  At the end of the day, you have to decide what is best for your family.  I can see why anyone, after even one loss, would be hesitant to put themselves through this pain again, at least for a while.

I am still very optimistic for you.  You will get your sticky baby and that baby will be loved more than we can all imagine.

bbhalphen

I'm going to be very Ps & Rs here, but I have no doubt in my mind that you will get your sticky baby.  I think your friends just don't know what to say.

rjl07

I agree with the others that your friends probably aren't sure what to say.  I don't even know what to say on here half the time.  I forget who says this a lot (Allison maybe?), but it has always stayed with me when she said she fears not having a baby more than having another loss and that helps her keep trying again.  I know you'll decide what's right for you and we're here for you no matter what.

triple_sevens

CarrieLeigh84:

I know it can't keep raining sh!t forever (I love that saying) but mentally, I don't know if I could cope with another loss. I know some of you ladies have been through much more than I have, and I greatly admire how strong you are.

It took me more than a year to even begin to be ok with losing Annaliese. And now with this last one, I cant let myself walk down that path again, so I'm bottling it up. (Yeah, unhealthy, I get it, but its better than the alternative)

I'm pretty sure I would have a nervous/mental/everything breakdown if I had to play this game one more time. 

 

This is all so fresh, I don't think you should judge your eventual feelings about TTC again by what you feel right now. I think you are going to have a healthy child one day, and I suspect you will heal and feel ready to try again. I don't *know* that either of those statements is true, but I *think* they are. You're friends don't know either, and are scared, and maybe even having a little of the "oh no, bad luck is contagious" bullshit that people get around us. So they're doing the "something's wrong with *her* because that means this can't happen to *me*" thing. Neither of which is necessarily true.

pepomntpat

{hugs}

butterfly843

Sending hugs, I think sometimes others don't know what to say. I got some really dumb comments from friends and family after my loss.

summerbee1

Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry about your loss. And people really don't know what to say. Really really really don't have a fvcking clue. That's my conclusion.

So don't listen to them. I think it's going to happen for all of us, one way or another. And you always think, "how can I ever deal with that?" and then you do. You pick yourself up and keep on going and you make it through the tough times. And you get stronger. I really think you need to take the time necessary to heal and by then you will probably feel better about TTC again.

(((HUGS)))