I don't know what to do about this, or if I should do anything.
I know it's my problem really, not hers.
So, I have a very close friend who struggled (a little bit) with #2. 6 months ago or so, we had a chat in which she said that her main consolation was that I too, only had one child. She said "we both have our girls, so it's ok". I agreed that being "together" in that did help, but acknowledged that if one of us were to have #2, it might take some adjustment and possibly be difficult for the "other". Well, it turns out that the "other", the one left behind, so to speak, is me. I am ok with that, really, because I'd rather cope and be supportive than feel guilty (which is how I would feel if I had been the one to get PG).
She called me 5 months ago, the very day she got her BFP. I got AF an hour after that call. That sucked! Anyway, I really, really feel happy for her and I do have hope that I will be there too someday. I do not feel that her experience takes anything away from me. So maybe that's why my "issue" seems so silly...
Ever since she got PG, she seems to have forgotten all about what it was like to have IF issues. She's like any normal pregnant woman who might be oblivious to IF. She's not sensitive at all. I don't want her to keep things from me or be afraid to talk to me about the baby, that would feel awful. But at the same time, she is very open with me - yesterday she called me on the way home from her big U/S to tell me "it's a girl" (I was excitedly expecting the call) and then proceeded to tell me how wonderful it was, how great it was to see the heartbeat, etc. The extra info, description of how it was, put me over the edge. I want to know these things, but I had to get off the phone quickly so I could cry and not bring her down.
I really don't want to feel this way. I just want to be happy for her, to live vicariously through her (LOL), and NOT feel the need to cry. It makes no sense. I kind of want to tell her that I'm sorry I had to get off the phone so quickly, that I just had to manage my own feelings and that it had nothing to do with her, but given that she seems to have forgotten what it's like to be in these shoes, I'm not sure she'll understand.
I feel like I'm being a b*tch, and I just hate it. I feel numb, and overly emotional at the same time. I just want to be happy for her, and if there is to be any "oblivion", let it be mine regarding my 2IF!
Blah - thanks for reading, if you go this far. I guess I just needed to get it out. You ladies are a great sounding board!!!