i need help

jlbeasley08

okay ladies i need advice so i am a BM and i havent told the father of the LO yet i know i know this is terrible but its the best right now but since i am getting close and i am starting to chose my family i have to tell him so that he can terminate his rights but i am not sure how to go about this its scares me more than anything

Go_Dawgs

I'm sorry you are going through this  Are you worried that he'll want to parent?  Are you working with an agency?  If so, I hope they are providing you counseling to talk about issues like this.  

jlbeasley08

i know that he is not wanting to parent but i havent even told him that i am expecting so that is why i am scared he will say its not his and i am 100% sure it is. i am working with an agency and she is amazing and has helped me through everything which i am so thankful for but i am at work and can not get this off my mind at all

amm78

I am glad that you're working with an agency that has been so helpful!  I think that it is important to let him know that you're pregnant now rather than later when things might become more stressful and/or emotional for you.  This way there is time to get things sorted out as far as the termination of rights.  Good luck to you with everything!

jlbeasley08

i am hoping that he will just go along with it and sign the papers before the baby is born so that i can go in knowing everything will be smooth i am such a planner and just want things done when they need to be done rather than later when i have to rush

c1311

I think the sooner you tell him the better.  He may need some time to process everything.  Can your agency help facilitate a meeting between the two of you?  That might make things easier for both of you.  I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly.

Best wishes!

jlbeasley08

the agency said they could but i dont want to spring that on him cause it might scare him i am just gonna ask him if we can talk and then just see how things go because its gonna be hard to talk about cause i havent told many people

Dr.Loretta

Here's my thinking: if he says it's not his, that's even more reason for him to sign termination papers, because then he can't be held legally responsible for the baby.

I know it will be hard, but sometimes we have to have hard conversations and this is one of those times.

Use your agency as much as you can for advice and support. They'll work with you, I'm sure.

GL

jlbeasley08

thank you so much i just stress out about this kind of stuff all the time and i just gotta do it knowing everything will be perfectly fine i just want everything to be smooth especially for the me and the family i chose i dont want to make them nervous that there will be a bump in the road i want this to be a time they will look back on and not have one worry that it couldve been different

jehnm

Everyone has offered great advice so far.  I hope your conversation goes well and definitely use the agency for support as much as you need.  When I'm in stressful situations, I sometimes just jump in and have the conversation so I can quit having it occupy my mind so much.  I'm a planner to and the "not knowing" drives me crazy!