Interesting article about adoptees adapting

hersheykiss

https://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20100621/us_time/09171199743900

I have not read it all, but what I have been able to read is interesting.

Go_Dawgs

Wow, that is very interesting.  Thanks for sharing.

Dr.Loretta

I would love it if someone one here adopted from Russia and could give their perspective.

GLynn2009

Wow is all I can say.

I fear for our DD also and she was in a loving home for the first two years of here life before we brought her to our home. I just keeep trying to educate myself and I will seek help when we are overwelmed. DD has had several outburst lately and I think it is normal toddler stuff but if she was older I would be seeking help. We love DD very much and want her to be the best she can be.

I would be so sacred to adopt a child out of a instutuion but I am glad that some people feel they can.

Sally J

I think the article was overall pretty good.  I think it's important to make people aware of the real risks of adopting an older child coming from years of institutionalization.  A few things I wish it had covered:

-An example of a success story.  Are there any?  It almost sounds like every adoption from Russia will have these issues.  Is that true?

-What exactly is the hold up for children not to be adopted before age 1?  It had a comparison to Korea, but I don't understand why Russia has so many children languishing in the institutions.  I know some of the children are abandoned/relinquished an older age, but what about the babies?  Is it cost?  Beauracracy?

-How do the agencies for Russian adoption compare to other international adoption agencies as far as post placement counseling goes?  It sounds like this is a real issue.

-Are there not laws or rules in place about the required medical information provided to prospective adoptive parents for international adoptions?  It sounds like Russia is failing on this aspect.  How can parents get the help they need for their children without knowing more details about the medical history?

GulfCoaster

Sally J:

-What exactly is the hold up for children not to be adopted before age 1?  It had a comparison to Korea, but I don't understand why Russia has so many children languishing in the institutions.  I know some of the children are abandoned/relinquished an older age, but what about the babies?  Is it cost?  Beauracracy?

Russian children have to be on a nationwide database for a certain length of time (9 months, I think?), prior to being available for adoption internationally.  Russian officials have been trying for several years to increase adoptions domestically.  I found some statistics recently about adoptions by Russians (but of course I can't find the link now...) -- the vast majority of Russians who adopt, adopt a child under the age of 1.  I think it was something like 5,500 adoptions of children under 1 by Russians, and only 2,000 or so of older children.

The children adopted by Americans are generally toddlers or older, since they have to be on the lists for a certain amount of time before being available for IA.  Sometimes the Russian adoption chat groups hear about a referral prior to age 1, but they're much rarer today than they used to be.

 

There are successful adoptions from Russia, just like there are successful adoptions from US foster care (many of the kids have similar issues)...  But there is definitely a risk, and parents need to be prepared for the possible or likely difficulties.

noonecarewhoiam

I thought it was a good article. The lack of an example of a well bonded family didn't bother me--that's not what the article was about. It was about the lack of support for familes who DO run into troubles.

I think some of Sally's other points were glossed over for space.

The truth is, there ARE no rules--yes, Russia requires 3 postplacement visits, but some families try to skirt that. They're boxes to check off--especially because the adoption is finalized in Russia (with Korea, you can't finalize until your postplacement visits are complete). There are NO standards for the type of support that's available, and many times the placement agencies are very distanced from the family, as all the contact was with a local social worker.

With IA, the info you receive may or may not be correct--even with Korea, which has a health care system equal to that of the US. It's all done at your own risk--and you sign paperwork to that effect. Even an IA doc who reviews a file will caveat everything in their assessment.

In their defense, the Russian orphanages may not have the resources to diagnose and address all the issues.

scatterbrainliz

I was adopted at the age of 6 from Korea and I know I had a hard time adapting to my new life.  Adapting to the American life as an older child is rough.  Being plucked from one place then dumped with people who are strangers is a lot for a child to take on and I think parents don't realize the trauma that goes along with it.  I stayed in an orphanage before I was placed with my family.  I know the agency where my mother got me from told her I was neglected and when I was little hugging and kissing was very foreign.  To this day, I am not overly affectionate.  My memories of my childhood are vague but I can only remember being held once when I was sick while I was living in Korea.

I think when people plan on adopting from foreign countries, they should be aware the agency may not know the entire history about that particular child especially if the child is older.

ETA: Also you can have problems with a child at any age from any country.  Russia seems to be getting a bad rep from all the press.

noonecarewhoiam

scatterbrainliz:

ETA: Also you can have problems with a child at any age from any country.  Russia seems to be getting a bad rep from all the press.

This is absolutely true. People think that adopting children as young as possible will negate any adjustment/attachment issues. It's just not true--in fact, I've heard that older toddlers adjust better than older infants who are in the middle of developmentally appropriate stranger anxiety at the time of adoption.

Russia gets a bad rap, I think, because the FAS contributes greatly to the issues adoptive families face, and the sheer number of adoptions from Russia.

c1311

I saw this in Time last week.  It kind of scares me.  FAS really scares me.  I read a blog where the parents of an adopted child from Russia have been to hell and back with their son.  We had already made our decision to adopt from Korea, but reading stories like this (and there does seem to be quite a few from Russia) really would have given me pause if we were considering Russia. 

BenandSuzy

From a mom of a Russian boy- First, We have several close friends who have adopted children from Russia and have had a great experience. Their kids have adapted well and so far, no issues outside of normal kid behaviors. We adopted our son at 2.5 years old from Russia. He is now five, and overall doing very well. We do have some behavior issues, mostly with me, that we are in therapy for with him. He seems to be angry at me at times for an unknown reason, but he has said that I have left him at the orphanage and had to go to work, and some ladies took care of him. He would not even lift his head out of his bed in the first nights we had him. We now realize that he was probably punished if he got up before it was time. So, he has been betrayed by woman, and that's how he appears when I discipline him. He looks like he thinks he has been betrayed. Let me know if you have any other questions. Given the opportunity we would do it again, and have no regrets!

noonecarewhoiam

c1311:

I saw this in Time last week.  It kind of scares me.  FAS really scares me.  I read a blog where the parents of an adopted child from Russia have been to hell and back with their son.  We had already made our decision to adopt from Korea, but reading stories like this (and there does seem to be quite a few from Russia) really would have given me pause if we were considering Russia. 

More and more Korean referrals are coming with alcohol exposure, FYI.

c1311

noonecarewhoiam:

c1311:

I saw this in Time last week.  It kind of scares me.  FAS really scares me.  I read a blog where the parents of an adopted child from Russia have been to hell and back with their son.  We had already made our decision to adopt from Korea, but reading stories like this (and there does seem to be quite a few from Russia) really would have given me pause if we were considering Russia. 

More and more Korean referrals are coming with alcohol exposure, FYI.

Yes, I know.  That was one of the things on the list that we put a qualifier on.