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Parenting
Are we financially responsible for this?
I need outside perspective. It got a bit long, so if you don't want to read it all, skip down to the question at the very end.
My MIL had surgery on her foot 4 weeks ago, tomorrow. (the tuesday before Memorial Day). She told DH and my SIL the Friday before her surgery that she was having this done and that she'd be off her feet for 8 weeks and would need them to be around to pretty much do everything for her.
DH was very honest and up front that while I"m off all summer, I am doing some occasional PRN work for some SLP's in the nursing homes who need time off. Therefore, my girls need to be cared for. We also had trips planned to the zoo, the beach, and some other 1-2 day excursions. In addition to getting ready for a new baby, finishiing a half-bath remodel and my DH has to keep up with yard work. He said he could come over some, but not to expect him there every minute he wasn't working.
SIL gave in and had been over there overnight, in between working, in addition to jury duty for the month of June. Her boys are teens and can care for themselves, and do things lke help with yardwork, but one has orthodontist appts, guitar lessons, band camp, etc, etc.
It's been 4 weeks and she's able to walk with some knee scooter thing. Granted she can't take out trash or vacuum, but she doesn't need someone overnight or to move her pillows and bedside potty to her bedroom each night. I personally think she doesn't even need a bedside potty, anyway.
So, SIL and her DH went to Lexington for a wedding this weekend. SIL called me to ask that DH check on his Mom Sat. night, Sun. morning, and Sun nite. She said nothing about Sat morning to me or him. in fact she said nothing about Sun night when she talked to him. So, DH didn't go on Saturday morning. His mom called his cell, which was in the kitchen. She never called the house phone. Instead, she called SIL and yelled at her.
So, his sister calls cussing him out b/c he's not helped much. He then reminds SIL that she had the choice to tell her she was busy, too and that MIL should have considered short-term rehab after the surgery. At the very least an in-home sitter. BTW, the dr. did suggest these as options to consider, which MIL refused to do.
At that point, SIL says that a sitter is probably the best idea now and that DH and I would be paying for half of it. I don't see how my MIL's care is any of our financial responsibility. She has the money - let her pay for it. She's the one who had cosmetic surgery on her foot and gave practically no notice to her children.
I hope I don't sound selfish, there's a lot I've left out. Like how I can't stand her, but was nice and helped out one night when SIL and DH were at work. Mom kept the girls. I had to bargain the baby's name for that one. I made DH take "Joe" off the table as his choice. 
So, are we as children responsible for the financial aspects of our parents' care?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Are we financially responsible for this?
Wow - did she have some bunions removed or something?
My mom had that done and it was a horrible recovery for her, but she was able to do steps by herself.
IMO you don't have to pay a cent for her care. Will insurance cover any of it?
uh, no. Not at all.
I'm happy to help our parents when needed, but not if they demand it. And if she needs that much help, she needs to hire someone to help her. That is ON her.
I mean, is she going to pay for your L&D costs? A baby nurse to help you when baby #3 arrives? No.
It doesn't sound like your MIL is indigent or destitute or for whatever reason unable to arrange her own care.
If your MIL has the money to pay for the care herself, then she should pay for it herself. I can't imagine my mother or MIL allowing us to pay for their care if they had surgery.
I also think it's a bit selfish on her (and SIL's) part to expect your DH to drop everything and care for her when he has a family of his own. Some help, sure, but overnights? I mean it was just foot surgery, couldn't she just have used crutches?
You have no idea. Actually, I wouldn't say center of attention... but she's just very self-centered and cares nothing about other peoples feelings, plans, etc. She is very inconsiderate. Poor SIL sits over there on the sofa and does nothing. MIL won't let her watch TV b/c it's too loud. And SIL is a big chicken and puts up with it. DH watches Nascar race and NCIS when he is over there and MIL knows better than to tell him to turn it off. I mean, what else can he do? He has a 73 cougar in her detached garage over there that he's been working on for a year, but he can only stand to be out there for too long. He has vacuumed (noone is there to walk on the carpet). She called him this AM to come water her plants.
This is totally disgusting... but I have to share. Stop reading if you're weak in the stomach... MIL is adament that nothing go in her toilet but #1 and #2. No paper, nothing. So, last week, SIL fixed her a glass of water with lemon and left to run errands. When she got back, MIL had dumped the lemon in the bedside potty with #1 and #2 and told SIL she couldn't flush the lemon down the toilet. She would have to take it out. SIL refused (AS SHE SSHOULD HAVE) and told MIL if she didn't want it flushed, she would have to take it out herself. She said MIL locked herself in her room and cried.
Nope. If SIL wants to chip in, more power to her. MIL wanted the surgery and therefore should have thought things thru. Your DH was honest in that he didn't have time to be caring for her on a regular basis, SIL could have done the same. So if SIL is worn out, and thinks VNS or similar is best, more power to her.
Holy crap. Is it bad that I am sitting here cracking up? That sounds like a scene from a sitcom. And it is INSANE.
OMG. I would have walked out of that house... or dumped the contents of the bed pan on her. Depends on the day.
It was a bunyon and I believe some hammertoes. SIL told me that she doesn't think it was causing pain, she just didn't like the way they looked. I'm not a doctor, but I didn't realize a doctor would do that just for cosmetics. I mean, she has a big steal rod in there.
I don't know what her health ins is. I don't know if she has Medicare benefits or not, but I think she still has some type of private insurance that she probably pays privately for. FIL retired about 15 years ago, but he passed 9 years ago, so I don't know what type of insurance arrangement they had and if she still has it or what.
But, i know when he died, he left her with plenty, so paying for occasional help is not a hardship.
How old is this woman?
She sounds pretty lonely. I feel sorry for your SIL. I can only imagine how stressed she must be and that's probably why she blew up at your DH. You and your DH should probably sit down with your SIL and tell her that her mom is trying to take advantage of all of you, especially her.
If she needs to be taken care of, fine, but don't baby her. How long did the doctor say to stay off her feet? If that time has passed, tell her to get her ass out of bed and start getting some exercise. She needs some fresh air and to start doing some things for herself.
If she has the means to pay for it, and is truly in need of it, then you have no obligation whatsoever.
It would be one thing if you and your DH decided that since you were unable to be there as much as you would like to be (if that was in fact the case, and I'm not saying it is) that you would like to chip in, that would be one thing. But to have your SIL call demanding that you pay for half is really presumptive and I'd be PISSED.
She's 61. She probably is somewhat lonely. She's dated off and on and has friends that visit, but she's very judgmental and has a "better than you" attitude. She's a snob.
SIL says 8w, but I asked if she saw the discharge paperwork and she said No. Shirley told her it was none of her business. My Mom said that while the surgery was probably painful and yes she can't jump back into things... she questions the 8w of doing nothing for herself.
Bunion surgery is really hard to recover. It's a total PITA, but she should be making some progress by now. Actually, she needs to get moving more to get the blood circulating.
My mom had it done and was able to go up and down the steps within a couple of weeks.
I should be in bed, but I just found this. I know it's from a specific doctor, but maybe you can do a better search.
Recovery from surgery
Weight bearing on your foot depends on your procedure. A head procedure allows for immediate weight bearing but we still feel that it is best to use crutches for 1-2 weeks. Base procedures require crutches for a longer period of time.
Oh.My.God. This woman needs her read surgically re-attached. The woman has LOST it.
Okay - A) you're DD is going to be a heartbreaker. Gorgeous!
All of this is how it happened so far. she's now been in a boot cast thing for 2 weeks.
A) Thanks - she's a looker, but she's mean. DH and I tell her she won't have a boyfriend if she's mean to all the boys.
My mom was 74 when she had bunion surgery last year. She was slightly incapacitated for a week, and very slow for another week or two after that. She NEVER had a bedside potty.
Your MIL is a freakin' drama queen and needs to get over herself. If she's mobile, she doesn't need a sitter.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
Our Angel Boy- m/c in 2007 @ 9wks due to Trisomy 17