Mommy time needs some help (ie: DH) Vent

MrsAzull

I've left DH with A twice now to try and give them quality time so they can get used to eachother and that DH can get a pattern if you will. So that when I go back to work, taking care of A isnt a surprise. Both times was a dissaster, A won't stop crying and he usually doesnt cry (only when hungry).

I cried my eyes out tonight when I got home (i was only got 1 1/2hrs) when DH said This is all he does. No that isnt how he is....sigh.

Could A just miss me? 

Or is DH not trying hard enough, because he's too damn_distracted by the TV. God forbid you take your eyes off the TV for an entire diaper change. UGH this is me venting, I might edit this later.  I tell you to hold A and you put him down the instant and I mean instant he falls asleep, sometimes he likes to be held for few minutes. NOPE gotta watch the dam tv.  I tell you to pat his butt and you do if for a sec, and say it's tiring. UGH i'm frustrated, i'm frustrated cuz he's frustrated.

Tonight I came home took A and rocked him to sleep instantly, IDK if it's cuz A knew it was me, or if DH just didnt have the patience. He thinks A is hungry every freaking second. It was 630 and A was fussing and sucked on his hand (normal thing for him) and DH quickly asked when he ate last, well it was 45 min ago, I doubt he's hungry. He just wants to shove a bottle in his mouth think that solves everything......

Oh dear I could go on, but I will spare you ladies. 

How can I help DH feel comfortable w/A alone, or does A just miss me?

MrsBlayne

We are going through the same thing. B cries a lot when DH is watching her and I think it's just because she is used to me and it's not me. But also he always wants to put her in the swing, the bouncy seat, etc and watch tv. Also, I try to tell hIm what works for me but he doesn't ever seem to try it. It will get easier for both of them, plus the LOs will get bigger and demand their attention! I don't really have any advice but I understand!

MrsAzull

thank you, it means alot for someone to at least understand my frustrations with DH

MmeBP

We went through something similar...everytime DH picked up the baby he would start crying, but I think it was more because DH wasn't comfortable holding him (he had never been around babies before) and the more Nathan cried that more uncomfortable DH became.  At first I thought he missed me but it wasn't that (probably not what you want to hear), because anytime anyone else would hold Nathan he would stop crying (i.e., our mothers or our friends with kids).  This made DH even more nervous about holding Nathan...and he wouldn't even pick him up to give him a bottle, but keep him in his crib or bouncy chair and stuff the bottle in his mouth for fear of his crying.

It took a long time of quality time with DH and Nathan to finally stop the cycle.  Sadly, it wasn't until Nathan was a little older and not so tiny (around 2 1/2 months) so that DH felt comfortable holding him and interacting with  him.  I hope it gets better.

ladybugg82

I know exactly what you are going through. I went back to school at nights about 5 weeks after Austin was born. Michael would watch him 3 nights a week for a couple hours and it was a nightmare. Michael complained that all Austin did was cry and he would send me text message after text message while I was in class.

It was awful!!! Austin suffered from acid reflux and also colic so that might have had something to do with it also.

{{{{Hugs}}}} It will get better

Ashleysred

I am with Blayne, A will get older and demand attention. He won't be able to just hang out watching TV and A at the same time.  I am sorry.  I hope it gets better.

natalee215

I have no advice, but just ((( hugs ))) to offer.

lindeenwedding

I guess my 1st question would be - is ken spending much time with A while you are home? If not I would get Ken doing more of that to get him used to being around the baby/learn his cues/etc. At this age its honestly not because the baby misses you, I think its probably that Ken isn't doing the comforting that you are. (((hugs)))

dexspsandqs

lindeenwedding:

I guess my 1st question would be - is ken spending much time with A while you are home? If not I would get Ken doing more of that to get him used to being around the baby/learn his cues/etc. At this age its honestly not because the baby misses you, I think its probably that Ken isn't doing the comforting that you are. (((hugs)))

This 110% if he isn't taking an active role in participating with A while you are around it is a lot to expect of a NB to be just thrust with someone who isn't overly involved when you aren't around.

Ms.Beachbum08

HUGS!!! I haven't experienced having a newborn with anyone else in the picture yet besides my parents, but I hope that he gets his buttocks off of the couch and starts helping you out more.  A definitely needs both of his parents.

Butterflie6381

Just break the TV! That's what I would do.

Ok, don't. But you did smile thinkimg about it, right? Ok, now that I cheered you up, I want to say ::hugs::: I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm here for you. 

My best advice is to have a non confrontational conversation with K and ask him first what he sees his role as, what he thinks he should be doing daily when you are home, when you are out, what he thinks you should be doing, and how he thinks things are going.  Then you answer those same questions for him.  Then ask him how he thinks you can compromise on the areas where your expectations are different so that you are both happy. Try to do this went you are calm. 

If you need to vent nap time is usually between 1 and 4 and DH isn't home so you'd have me all to yourself.