Do I?

MommyNoelle

Alright. I know I'm a lurker, having only posted once, and it being about baby names. I also know that many will think I'm a "faker" once I share my dilemma. I agree, I would think the same thing. But I promise you I am truly a real mom to be, and the kicks I am feeling now are the only proof I need.

Anyways (steps off soap box).

 My DH and I are expecting ID baby girls on Oct. 29th (my CS date hasn't been scheduled). Even though I babysat alot as a teen, I know I will be overwhelmed. DH's parents both have died, and he was an only child, so there will be no help from family on his side. (My parents live 8 hours away, so nilch on that end also).

Here's the soap opera side of my tale. (I apologize if this is confusing).

DH found out a few years ago that his mother had a baby girl when she was 15 with another man, and had given it up for adoption. Tracy, his half-sister, found my DH, and although they never really got to know each other too well, they emailed once in a while. Tracy had a baby boy, Gavin, 2 years ago. Cute little guy. (Sorry! This is turning out to be verrry long winded). Last month Tracy passed away (autopsy said OD on painkillers). DH and I figured Tracy had other family members who would take Gavin, given that Gavin's real father was/has never been in the picture. (He has been contacted...still has no interest)

A few nights ago we recieved a call from some family member's of Tracy's, who told us that none of her relatives were willing to take G (which alone breaks my heart three times over), and he was to be placed in foster care the following week. Of course, she asked us if we'd be willing to take him in, we had "some of his blood is in 'yer too" (as she phrased it).

My DH told her we'd let her know by Sunday.

My thoughts: How the heck can we take in a little boy who is missing his mom, socialize him, make him comfortable, etc. when we have two new little people coming in Oct or most likely sooner?! I can't let him go to a foster system, but...

DH is dead set on bringing Gavin home with us (geez. I made him sound like a dog), and said he could take a "few days" off to help with the adjustment. We plan on me being a SAHM, and I am currently not working.

 

But I don't know if I can do this.

 

What would you guys do??

TIA!!

 

I completely am shocked with how long winded I made this....sorrry!

leviandlandensmom

If it were me I would pray about it and then decide. Personally I think if you are capable and have the means to do so you should give it a shot. Can you do temporary custody and make a decision after a certain time period?

MamaCrystal

This breaks my heart : (  It's such a crucial time for a 2-year-old to be in a home that he feels comfortable and safe in.  He must miss his mama, and it makes me want to cry that nobody wants him right now.

It would definitely be a difficult transition.  You may even have feelings of resentment toward him once your twins arrive and he needs a lot of time and attention from you.  If you do decide to take him in, you would have to decide to jump in completely and ready to work through whatever emotions arise from the situation.  Given what has happened to him in the last month, you'd probably have to put quite a bit of time into making him feel comfortable and loved equally when your twins arrive. 

That said, it might be a wonderful opportunity for your family.  It certainly sounds like it would be better for this little boy than possibly being bounced around in foster care.  If it were me, and I could emotionally and financially support him, I'd seriously consider taking him in.  Good luck making your decision.

MamaKAT82

Boy, that is a hard decision for you both to make. Maybe he found out about his sister and her son for this reason? I don't know, but I have never really grown up with my half-sister and her son is 2 1/2 (a year older than my son and they live on the other side of the country) She is only 20 and the child's father  and her were having issues and the kid was getting dumped all over the place and my sister left and moved to a different state than the child. I seriously would have taken him if needed even though I never met him; I've only seen him in pictures...I just had a horrible childhood and would want to spare an innocent little guy from suffering if I was capable to do so. It is a bit different knowing you are somewhat family. Thankfully, my sister got her s%^& together & went back to get her son and they seem to be doing well from what I hear. Anyways, good luck to you. If you don't think you can handle it then it really wouldn't be fair to anyone on your home and it is not something you should feel guily about since you would be the primary caregiver...Just a thought...pre-school is right around the corner

anna2006

Wow, what a situation.

Are you financially able to take care of three children now?  And as you progress in your pregnancy, who will help you take care of him?  You may end up on bedrest and even if not, you will wish you had help during that tough third tri.  Once the babies arrive, who is your support network?  Because you will certainly need extra hands around the house to take care of all three children.  How stable is your marriage?  Because this situation would tax even a strong marriage.

To me, the most important thing is not keeping him out of the foster care system.  The most important thing is doing right by him - not taking him in unless you truly have the emotional, physical and financial resources to care for him.  Otherwise you will all end up in a bad situation that could be worse than foster care.

I agree with the pp: You should post on the adoption board.  Those ladies have spent months to years thinking about these issues and could give you more to think about.

Good luck with your decision.  You are a good person to even consider this, no matter what you decide in the end. 

laurenpetro

i would do it.

hopefulrockygirl

Everyone had great answers and so I don't have much more to add, I just want to say that you and your  husband are amazing people for even considering it and I hope the situation works out for the best. Good luck!