Attachment Parenting

vent (long)

DH rarely ever puts DS to bed. It's harder for him than it is for me, but its no piece of cake for me either. DS is a hard one to get to sleep. Sometimes it takes me 3, 4, or even 5 tries at night, and I've been doing this since he was born. His needs are constantly changing, and I have to adapt. After taking care of DS all day by myself, I do not feel like it's fair that DH comes home, gets him ALL riled up, and then its my job to get him to sleep. Drives. Me. Nuts.

So a couple times over the past few weeks, after numerous failed attempts to get him to sleep, DH has taken DS for a walk in the Ergo and he is usually out within minutes. This shouldn't bother me, I really shouldn't care, but it does. It bugs me a little that our son is a year old and that is the only way that DH can get him to sleep.

When DS used to take a bottle (don't even get me started on his recent bottle strike) DH could sometimes get him down with cuddles and some milk, but now that it's boob or nothing, that's out the window.

What is DH going to do when its winter? It'll be much more difficult to get him down that way at that point. Nor do I want them walking around outside at night when the sidewalk is icy.

I don't know why I'm so irritated, because at least he's helping, but it bothers me. He should be able to do everything I can do. And I blame him for not being more proficient at getting Moses to sleep by now, because if he had started helping put him down a long time ago, this wouldn't be a problem at 11 months.


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Re: vent (long)

  • I'm sorry...I have no advice...just empathy. DH is currently in DD's room trying to get her to sleep but she is crying "mama" over and over.
  • ZenyaZenya member
    If you can't put your DS to sleep then hand him to your DH (or figure out some schedule for your DH to do it).  The walk away and don't look back until the child is asleep.  If he's doing laps in the hallway in the ergo, who cares?  Take your time away and enjoy it.  And your DH's 'method' is his own business.  Don't get involved!  (assuming it's kind and all that).
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  • Chances are your DS's sleeping habits will change between now and winter.  Take turns putting him to sleep consistently.  I think you should cut your husband a break and let him do it his way.  Doing everything you do doesn't have to mean doing it your way, that's not fair either.

    ETA:  If your vent was about being home with your DS all day and your DH getting him riled up before bed, I'm sorry, that sux.  Have you talked to DH about quiet play an hour leading up to bedtime?


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  • I agree with the others - let him do whatever works.  DH and I trade off nights for bedtime and have since DS was about 13 months though I wish we had started sooner.  DH does things his way and I do things my way and DS goes to sleep for both of us. It's not fair that he gets to play and get him all riled up and then you do the work all the time but it also wouldn't be fair for him to put DS down every night.  The way I look at it is you both have FT jobs so you both need a break now and then.

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  • DS never goes down well for me at night. Naps are my thing and bedtime is DH's. Since I do all day, DH puts him down at night. I wouldn't worry about it. Your DH can wear him around the house when it's winter. Or he'll come up with something new. Your DS will be older then and things will change anyway.If it helps, DS didn't start "going down" easily until well after a year.

    And your DH can't do everything you can do. You're the momma and he's the daddy. You have different roles in your LO's life and you each meet his needs in a different way. I hope things get better though! I wouldn't worry....things will change before you know it!

  • QuazelQuazel member
    I am sorry, I know how hard this is.  DH can't put DS to sleep either but he is the SAHD so it is really my time with DS and it only bothers me on occassion.  I agree with others, you need to work out a schedule with your H for bedtime and let him deal with it however he wants.  I would also suggest establishing a bedtime routine that includes a long stretch of quiet activity before actually heading to bed to keep the riling to a minimum.
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