Just another reminder

EKG

Hi ladies. I seldom post here but today I just need to get this off my chest. We have been trying since our loss back in November. Not only has there not been a BFP since then, but my cycles are totally f@cked up on top of it all, making trying really really difficult.

We lost the baby at almost 20 weeks ? one sister-in-law was also pregnant, due 4 weeks before me, and went on to have a healthy pregnancy. I had to make it through the holidays, the growing belly, the new baby talk, baby shower, baptism, etc. It was almost more than I could endure. However I made it through and finally in March I felt like I was getting back to normal, at least emotionally.

 Another sister-in-law just told me today that she?s pregnant. Great. Another reminder of what I lost. Thankfully she sent it via text because I honestly don?t think I could have talked to her without crying. I don?t feel happiness for her ? I feel envy and sadness and anger. I feel as though I can?t even pray for acceptance because after all I went through last year, I am not even sure if I believe in God anymore.

So here comes another nine months of baby talk. And at this point we are not even actively trying anymore ? I want to focus on my marriage/DS, losing weight, accomplishing some financial goals and really, the stress of TTC is getting me. Not to mention I am not 100% sure DH is into it, and I want to wait until he is. But that does not make it any easier. Sorry for the rambling post?I thought getting everything out would keep me from crying at my desk but it didn?t work.

rjl07

I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that.  I hope that taking a TTC break will help you with your other goals and that you and DH will be ready to try again soon.

dondraandluis

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I hope that the break helps!

LMichelleG

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Taking a break is not a bad idea. DH and I did that and I'm feeling so much better these days. We re-focused on our marriage, I started going to the gym, we went on vacation, etc. I still have my rough days but they are fewer and farther between. One thing I swore off was baby showers. No matter how close the friend, I just can't do it. I'm pretty open about it too. Do what you need to do to get through. My SIL was pg when I went through my first loss, it's tough. (((BIG HUGS)))

butterfly843

((hugs))