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Adoption
de-lurking newbie, looking for words of wisdom
Hi ladies. I've not been lurking long, but wanted to introduce myself. After 2.5 years of dealing w/ 2ndary IF (clomid, injectables, 4 failed IUIs), and the grieving time to get past that, we are starting to look into adoption.
We aren't yet 100% certain that we'll be heading down this path, but I am strongly feeling that our family is not complete and that the three of us have more than enough love to give to another child.
I guess I'm wondering what advice you'd have for a couple just starting this journey--things you wish you'd known from the get go, things you might have done differently, what your biggest challenges have been, etc. What reading should I do or websites should I be familiar with?
thank you so much.
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Re: de-lurking newbie, looking for words of wisdom
I found Adopting After Infertility to be an interesting read, even though it's dated and a bit biased.
When doing research, I found a beginner adoption book to be a great start. We went with Adoption for Dummies. It helped us figure out what types and avenues of adoption were out there, and what would work best for our family.
For your specific questions:
I wish I'd known about this board earlier. I wish I'd known how hard it is to get that initial information just by surfing the web (it's either nonexistent or overwhelming, no middle ground).
We might have asked some tough questions of our agency earlier in the game. We've had a great experience with them, but saw some negative feedback online and went into panic mode for a short time.
Our biggest challenge was getting our autobiographies done for our homestudy. DH doesn't like to write, and doesn't like touchy-feely questions, so we had to figure out a system to get it done where I wasn't nagging him and he wasn't dragging his heels.
Our adoption experience has been incrediby smooth, so much so that our SW says our results are not typical. The only snag I could say we've hit is that the agency's lawyer is moving slowly (IMO) to get the legal paperwork done so we can move toward finalization. But he had some issues within his office that were unavoidable, so I'm trying to be patient.
GL and ask lots of questions. We love active posters.
Thank you for saying this! I've been going crazy with my internet searches and feel the same way. I'm glad I'm not alone. I'm the type of person who loves to research stuff so this has been driving me crazy!
Thank you for that self-assessment; what a great tool to start out with!
And I agree that the information on the internet is hard to get a handle on--i've been to that adoption.com site several times, but it gives me a panic attack with how busy it is! LOL So funny that the self-assessment, which is so useful, comes from that site, which is so overwhelming I never could take the time to find it!
I just found that there's a domestic adoption orientation at a local agency in July. Is that something you'd recommend to get a basic idea of the adoption process, or are they going to just try to give me a hard sell to go w/ their agency, do you think (based on any experience you've had?)
I will be picking up Adoption for Dummies tomorrow.
thank you!
Here here!
I seriously doubt they'll give you the hard sell. And if they do, you'll know they're not the agency for you! We attended seminars and webinars (and a couple of phone seminars), and never felt pressured.
Adoption for Dummies is a great start. Also, like Dr.L said, the internet can be so overwhelming.
We found that just researching various agencies once we decided on DA and then getting information from them was helpful. Doing comparisons, etc.
We also found a local orientation program that was helpful too. Being in front of people to ask questions and get feedback was more helpful than we had thought.