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New to The Bump
Newbie here... Babies on the brain.
So I've been lurking this site for a couple of months now, and decided it was time to finally post. Just have babies on the brain and wasn't sure which board to put my post in so here I am... haha My man and I are madly in love, live together (part time with his 5 year old son) but are not married. We talk about both getting married and having a baby almost a daily basis and both want to do both like NOW, but can't afford to have the wedding we want. He says if I get pregnant we will rush off to Mexico and just get married ourselves, which is exactly the wedding I want! I just want our wedding to be a day for us, not for me to be stressing that everyone is enjoying their chicken or fish and our mothers are getting along!..haha When I ask him what we will do if we can't afford it he promises even if we have to do it at the courthouse and have the wedding of our dreams when we can afford it. Just us, the way I want. I know he would follow through if that was the case, but at the same time want to wait and do things the "right way".. I work in an operating room in a hospital where L&D does not have it's own room for C/S, so they all come to us. I see babies born cesarean on a daily basis and work with many OB GYN's as well. One of them the other day (the one I would choose to by MY obgyn if I were to be so lucky... hehe) asked me when I was going to have a baby, because she thinks I'll make the best mother! Then today a resident doc told me he thought it was time I had one of my own! Seems like everywhere I go people are talking babies, and it just consumes my brain! lol Today my bf texted me while I was @ work, and said he wanted to 'make a baby TODAY'... I ovulate on the 17th, but am holding off. As much as I can..... My biological clock has been ticking so loud I can't hear myself think!! Anyone else baby crazy, but not at a point where it may not be the right time? I just want to go for it, but don't want to be judged by others, especially since my bf has a son already (whom I love to pieces as well!). I didn't really think people would be so judgemental until a month or so ago my man set his fb status to "is thinking gavin for his baby's name", just because we were talking about baby names the night before, and OF COURSE everyone took it as I was pregnant. Some people were like "WHAT! Call me right now." things like that, not "congrats" like I had always imagined they would say.. Of course his mother was quite shocked as well... Silly man. So just wanted to vent a little and also try to introduce myself to the bump. Sorry if I offended anyone in any way, and just wondering if I am posting on the correct board for my situation..? I was thinking babies on the brain messageboard, but wasn't sure. Thanks for listening and good luck to all of you wonderful ladies out there thinking about having babies/TTC/pregnant/mothers/stepmoms/adoptive moms and all the rest! 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Newbie here... Babies on the brain.
Holy wall of text. Paragraphs are your friend.
Ditto PP
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I feel like I should win a prize for reading all of this.
My one line of advice.
If you can't afford the wedding you want, you can't afford a kid.
I lied.ll two lines of advice..
I bet your man doesn't really want to marry you or he'd have proposed/put a ring on it already. Get that situation figured out before you put a baby in the mix.
Whoops more than 2 lines.
Me too.
So maybe you should have stopped, taken a breath, re-read your post, and used some paragraphs to make this easier to read, but I'm not sure all of the sarcasm was called-for. You're asking for advice, so I'm going to try to give you some...in a friendly way.
I do agree with someone else who said that if you can't afford the wedding you (is it really you, or is it your SO?) want, you need to seriously think about how to support ANOTHER child. (As well as doctor visits, prenatal care, delivery, etc.)
My other question for you to ask yourself is this: do you only have babies on the brain because you work in the environment you do? You're around expectant and delivering mothers constantly, so it's natural to want what you see them having. Also, the comments your co-workers are making may be creating a desire in you, too. All of this put together screams one word "CAUTION!!!"
You MAY truly want to have a child - it is a natural desire to have - but you need to honestly consider whether it is the right time to do so, and if it's the right man to do so with. If you aren't even married yet, I would focus on that, before I focused on having a child. Talk through your feelings with your boyfriend and if you both feel you're ready to be married, set a realistic goal of how much money you could put away in, say, a year's time, and then set a date and go from there. If you can't even save money (or set a date) for your wedding, a baby is NOT what you need right now.
Good luck, hun.
LOL
I am new to this....sorry if I reply to the wrong poster!
Married 8 years - Aug 23/08
DD - 6 years old, March 17/11
#2 due July 19th! (It's a boy!)
That picture of the head exploding was so funny I hurt my abdomen laughing wrong. Every time I think of it I laugh again, and it really hurts. ow!
Anyway, I did read the entire wall post and I feel your pain about babies being on the brain. But it is DEFINITELY in your best interest to get married before trying to conceive.
Don't let your boyfriend bully you into having a baby now. It may seem romantic for him to say he wants to make a baby with you, but this is a SERIOUS decision that y'all need to plan out before it's too late. If he doesn't feel the need to marry you now, then he certainly won't after you've already had his baby. What would be the point then? If he likes it, he should put a ring on it.
You say that you really just want to run to Mexico, but then you say you don't have the money for the wedding you TRULY want. To me, this means that you really DO want a big wedding and planning the fish/chicken etc. You've just been talked out of it by your boyfriend, who HONESTLY doesn't seem to care enough about you to give you a proper wedding. He makes you think it's romantic to run off to Mexico, because you see it in movies, but again, this is a serious decision that you have to think through first.
I don't care if y'all go to the Justice of the Peace's Office to save money on the wedding. Just make SURE that you get legally married before you have this baby. You may think that I'm being judgemental, but I really am thinking of your best interests. I know you don't think that he would leave you, but no one ever does. Seriously think about this before you do anything you can't take back!
i'm sorry that people have been so mean about you not using paragraphs... who cares... i'm new here, and now i'm afraid to post a question. people in these boards are harsh...
Good Luck with whatever you decide to do
I agree that this being in paragraph form would be a lot easier to understand or read. With this said I?m just guessing you were ranting as if talking with a friend or friends. Right! Now to the meat and potatoes?
You really do need being married as Husband and Wife before even thinking of bringing a Baby in this equation. I know you said you work in an environment where you're in contact with pregnant women, giving birth, and caring for infants. But I too think this is why you?re thinking this way.
I don?t believe you?re really ready to go the baby route from your ranting ? it sounds more like he?s playing you as a fiddle. IMO you?re being ganged-up on by him, the doctor?s, and other individuals you?re working with ? don?t give into the pressure! It?s your body, you?re chooses ? do what?s right for you.
Here are some highlighted postings which make a lot of since to me ? I think you need to read them again and again!!! I have only picked out of some of the longer postings which get to the meat and potatoes in here.
Dr.Loretta said ? ?If you can't afford the wedding you/SO wants, you need to think about whether you can afford a baby.?
pinkflipflops44 said ? ?If you can't afford the wedding you want, you can't afford a kid. And I bet your man doesn't really want to marry you or he'd have proposed/put a ring on it already. Get that situation figured out before you put a baby in the mix.?
newsboysgrl777 said ? ?All of this put together screams one word "CAUTION!!!"? " ? if you both feel you're ready to be married, set a realistic goal of how much money you could put away in, say, a year's time, and then set a date and go from there. If you can't even save money (or set a date) for your wedding, a baby is NOT what you need ? ?
Eaglefoot23 said ? ?But it is DEFINITELY in your best interest to get married before trying to conceive.? ? ? may seem romantic for him to say he wants to make a baby with you, but this is a SERIOUS decision that y'all need to plan out before it's too late. If he doesn't feel the need to marry you now, then he certainly won't after you've already had his baby.? ? ? talked out of it by your boyfriend, who HONESTLY doesn't seem to care enough about you to give you a proper wedding. He makes you think it's romantic to run off to Mexico ? ? ? ? you don't think that he would leave you, but no one ever does.?
Go back and read the entire posting made by these ladies ? they are right on the mark.
~~Emily~~