Multiples
Options

Those who currently have multiples...need some advice...

My sister had a set of twins they are almost 3 months old, she also has a 2 year old. She has recently become so overwhelmed that she was actually admitted to the hospital because she had a breakdown. Do you have any advice that has made your life flow a little better? TIA

Re: Those who currently have multiples...need some advice...

  • Options
    I wish I had good advice. My twins are almost 3 weeks old and are our only children and it is HARD! I knew it would be, but nothing prepares you for the way it actually is, and with an older child I can imagine being overwhelmed. I just wanted to send your sister my good thoughts and prayers. It's such a terrible situation because you feel so guilty for feeling so overwhelmed. In the last week we have really enlisted help of family and friends. My MIL cooks dinner some times for us, and if your sister can find a doula or nurse to help out at night it's a great help. We have help at night a few nights a week so that I can get about 6 hours of sleep and really being able to get some sleep is a lifesaver. Thinking of your sister!
  • Options

    Oh no so sorry.  What is her situation? Is she SAHM? Single mom? Anyway she can get some time away? Find a reasonable daycare provider?

    What about joining the Y and working out while they watch they kids?

    I honestly cannot imagine having a 2 year old in the mix- it must be so hard.

    Getting out of the house has been key for me- when DH gets home from work I usually go to the store... I also try to take a bath every night - it's what I need to rejuvenate!

    If you're close to her try to give her some time off/away.  Do dishes, laundry, offer to watch the babies... 

  • Loading the player...
  • Options

    Can she afford help?  There are alot of options- nannies, babysitters, mother's helper, night nurses, baby nurses, doulas, even cleaning lady, etc.  Any of those would help take away some of the burden from her.  If she can't afford help, is there any family who would be able to help her out? 

    If she is having emotional problems, perhaps she should speak with a therapist and/or get on medication- she might have postpartum depression.

  • Options
    There is no question in my mind that I would have lost it by now without the help of my family. Even the smallest amount of help helps! 

    image 

     

    My twins Benjamin and Olivia

    image

    image

  • Options
    My guess is she's suffering from PPD.  Medicine/therapy will help her immensly.  Its a hormonal balance.  Let her get her hormones straightened out and then things will feel so much better just b/c she's feeling better.  After that just help her do whatever you can.  Offer to watch the kids so she can nap.  Come take care of them for a night so she can get a restful night sleep.  Play w/ the older child so she can bond w/ the babies.  Be supportive, but not aggressive.
  • Options

    I agree with pp's that your sister needs some help, whether that's a family member coming by once or twice a week to give her a break, a cleaning person, a nanny, etc.  Find out what's overwhelming her in particular and see if you can help her find a solution.  How involved is the father?

    To answer your question, MH and I have some systems that have helped us feel more human. 

    The first was dividing up the duties.  When he's home he changes the babies before each feeding and I BF (and put them back to bed if at night). During the first two weeks, my mom and MIL came by on alternating afternoons and took on that role.  That gave me a chance to try it on my own in the mornings but with relief on the way!  That was very helpful when feedings were every two hours.  To feed and then change two babies leaves very little time to breathe in that schedule.

    We also divide the night in half to help us get some solid stretches of sleep.  If the babies wake between feedings between bedtime and 2, he deals with them so I can rest.  If they wake after that, I do. 

    Recently, now that we're getting more sleep and feel up to doing more, we divide the evenings into his nights, my nights, and family nights.  On his nights, I am on baby duty and dinner (something easy) so he can hit the golf course, do things around the hourse, etc.  On my nights we swap, and I've gotten pedicures, gone shopping, napped, and so on.  Last night I saw SATC 2 - disappointing movie, but a good getaway.  On family nights we do baths, watch movies, etc.  It takes some planning since I EBF, but we make it work.

    More than anything, having an open line of communication with MH has been my life saver.  I hope your sister has that.

  • Options

    Our boys are 2 weeks old and my DH has been home since they were born. I cried every day for the first week, sometimes for no reason at all that I could verbalize - I think I was just completely overwhelmed emotionally, physically and mentally. And that's with me and DH going full speed with only 2. 

    I few things I would have appreciated right away -

    1. meals cooked and brought over for us. Not stuff we have to warm up or assemble ourselves. Literally plates brought over ready to eat. and no clean up - disposable everything. 

    2. not having to clean up after those who visited.

    3. a few errands being run - groceries mostly. or get peapod if a stop and shop is around you.

    4 . someone mowing our lawn so dh could keep helping me inside.  

    5. someone doing our laundry or $$ for a service to come and pick it up.

     there are probably a ton more but the boys just started screaming. 

    oh yeah - lots and lots of positive talk and encouragement - not sympathy.

    shes in my thoughts.  

  • Options
    janjagjanjag member

    imagecarissasmom:
    My guess is she's suffering from PPD.  Medicine/therapy will help her immensly.  Its a hormonal balance.  Let her get her hormones straightened out and then things will feel so much better just b/c she's feeling better.  After that just help her do whatever you can.  Offer to watch the kids so she can nap.  Come take care of them for a night so she can get a restful night sleep.  Play w/ the older child so she can bond w/ the babies.  Be supportive, but not aggressive.

    this.  and D31 had some great suggestions too.

    Photobucket Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Options

    I'm also guessing PPD.  PPD is more prevalent with multiples (not sure if it's because they're so much more work or because of the additional hormones).  I'm sorry she's having such a hard time, definitely help her with whatever she needs until she gets the hang of it.  You know her better than we do, maybe she just wants to visit, maybe visitors stress her out (they stress me out).  If she's not able to relax with visitors, maybe you could just take her some food and watch the kids so she can eat in peace (Lord knows that's a luxury), ask her if she'd like for you to take her DC1 to the park/zoo/etc so she can get a break (or maybe even taking the twins for a few hours so she can get a break from THEM).  GL to her, hopefully it's something easily treatable.

    ETA:  Definitely point her over here.  This is a very tame and supportive board, we can all understand where she's coming from and it helps to vent (and not be judged) and to know that others are dealing with the same issues here.  She can be totally honest with her feelings and I can't think of one thing she could post that would get her flamed. 

  • Options
    imageCER+MEL:

    More than anything, having an open line of communication with MH has been my life saver.  I hope your sister has that.

    I definitely agree that having a supportive and helpful DH got me through the most difficult days with our twins + toddler (also 2 years apart). Outside of that I also hope that she has a network of family, friends, neighbors, a church community (?), etc. that can offer support and lend a hand.  The things that have helped me/us the most:

    *We were fortunate to have almost a months worth of meals prepared for us by our "network" in the very beginning. A friend organized it for us, and it was a huge help.

    *We hired a cleaning service to come (just once a month, but it's still a huge help).

    *DS#1 is in a MMO Program (MMO = Mom's Morning Out... similar to preschool) two mornings a week.  If there's anything she/you/someone can find for her older child like this, I HIGHLY recommend it.

    *Joining a MoMs club and even just posting on this board. The ladies here are incredible and supportive.

    *Getting out of the house *almost* everyday, even if it just means loading up all of the kids and going for a drive.  

    The others have all had really great suggestions as well. You're a good sister for looking out for her, and I hope she feels better soon. 

     

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"