How do you handle this stuff?
Quazel
member
When DS intentionally drops/throws a toy, we will normally return it to him 2-3 times and then stop, usually redirecting. I see it as normal toddler behavior, a game and a way of him learning cause and effect. When I do X, mom and dad do Z. Just like if I hit someone, they will first speak to me and then not play with me if it happens again. I think it is a good learning tool.
DH took DS to feeding therapy yesterday. There was a sub and she did really, really well with DS. However, she told DH not to ever pick up anything DS throws or drops, ignore it. It is just attention seeking behavior and that isn't the behavior we want to reward him for with attention.
The more I thought about this last night, the more I disagree. While it is attention seeking, I also thing it is normal toddler behavior, it is interaction between a parent and child, it is a game, it is learning time. We will redirect him to another game after a few times but I feel that ignoring it is ignoring DS trying to interact with us.
How do you guys handle this? What do you think of the advice?
Re: How do you handle this stuff?
We do the same thing - pick it up and hand it back a few times, then the 2nd or 3rd time tell him he needs to stop doing it. If he does it again he doesn't get it back. I think the same way you do - normal toddler behavior with him figuring out cause and effect, gravity, etc.
Did the therapist maybe think it was DS's way of deflecting attention from food/eating?
interesting... I don't think it's attention seeking at all. I think it's just cause/effect- Emmy will drop things over and over even if I'm not standing there to pick it up. She's just learning about gravity. Toddlers/babies learn by repetition.
This is what M does now and I do believe it's a learning process, but I do think it becomes attention seeking at some point and I don't think there's anything wrong with redirecting to an appropriate "game". I just don't know at what point that will be
However, I can't figure out for the life of me how this would be related to your LOs feeding problems at all. Was she thinking its encouraging him to play instead of eat?
I don't think it had anything to do with the feeding issues because he will hold onto food and never drops or throws it unless he doesn't want to hold it anymore, it is never a game with food. I think it was just something they talked about. I will need to ask DH, that is a good question.
"Attention seeking" bothers me. If they are seeking attention, they must need the attention? That's what I think, anyways.
I will usually do what you do - I will pick it up 2 or 3 times. I read a book once that compared babies/toddlers to scientists and they are just trying to figure out the world. They might even drop something differently one time or throw it harder the next to see what happens, and then they also like to see how mom/dad react.
I draw my limit at 2 or 3 because that is usually when I get tired of the game.
I've learned that when he starts throwing food, that means he's not hungry anymore. If he's throwing other items off of his tray, he usually just doesn't want them up there.
I think its annoying when medical professionals disregard something as "attention seeking." They are seeking attention for a reason. Then again, I don't really believe that babies/toddlers should be seen and not heard, which I think is how a lot of our culture treats babies/toddlers.
I agree with all of you guys. Next Monday is my last day of work so I will be going to therapy with them the following week. I am also going to talk to DH about it tonight. I have no problems asking questions, DH agrees with me 99% of the time but doesn't always think of the questions until I ask him, lol!
Case and point: at our evaluation, the therapist developed a plan that included meals being exclusively in the highchair. After about a week of this, DS freaked out every time we went near the highchair. However, if we held him, he would play with food and put it near his mouth. We decided the goal was to get food in him, not get him into a highchair so we put the highchair away.
Once therapy was approved by the insurance, DH decided he didn't want to take him because they wanted him in the highchair. I had to remind him that he is the parent, he calls the shots. He needs to explain what happened and that we will keep him in our laps. I actually had to say to him "You don't let them do anything you aren't comfortable with. I am all for trying whatever they recommend but if there is something that doesn't feel right to you, just say no. YOU are the parent, you have great instincts, you have the final say in all decisions." He was okay with it after that conversation and I have actually seen him put his foot down with a friend since then and remind the friend that we are the parents, what we say goes. He said it jokingly but meant it 100% and it was effective.
In re: to being in the high chair - when toddlers start becoming more mobile, I think it is really hard to keep them in a high chair. There have been several times when we have had to hold DS in our laps for meals, and sometimes, we just put food on his plate and let him pick at it while he walks around. We usually do lunch at the table together, but for breakfast and lunch, I will let him just graze. I think it is hard for them to focus their attention on food when there are so many other fun things they could be doing. DS has even eaten his lunch on his slide and sitting on his play table.
I know you are going through therapy, so I know your situation is different, but just wanted you to know that it is hard for a lot of toddlers to just sit in a high chair. DS has thrown some fits if we even put him near his high chair when he doesn't want to go in.
I agree with Fred. Yeah, it's normal toddler behavior, but at the same time, it's not a behavior you WANT to continue forever, so there are gentle ways to dissuade it. There are lots of behaviors that are "normal"- biting and hitting are also normal toddler behaviors, but you do everything you can to let LO know those aren't ok. Why should throwing stuff all over the place be ok? (I'm not trying to be snarky, just throwing that out there!)
I totally get what you mean. If he was legitimately throwing, versus dropping stuff off the couch/out of our laps, that would be a no-no. He has thrown before and we take whatever it is away. I think there is a difference between the game of dropping and picking up and the act of throwing things.