Am I crazy to think we'll want to be alone?

ash.flea

I went to dinner with my mom & sister tonight.  While we were eating, my mom said that she's hoping I have to have a scheduled induction or c-section because it will be a lot easier for her to clear her schedule if she knows when G is coming.  I told her I'm sure it won't be a problem for her to call her clients to reschedule if I go into labor.  Then she said something like 'yeah, I guess, but I was thinking about taking a couple of weeks off but I don't know when I should start.'  I told her that wasn't necessary because Jared will already be off with me & we'll probably want/need some alone time anyway.  Besides, she drives by my house every day on her way to/from work so it won't be a problem at all for her to come over in the mornings or evenings if we really need her.

She basically told me that I may think that now, but when the baby is here I'll be wishing that she was there to help.  Okay, whatever.  She doesn't cook or clean, so what help exactly is she going to offer?  I can already tell you that it will just be her wanting to hold the baby while he's happy, and passing him off to me as soon as he's upset.  And honestly, I really don't think I want people around all the time those first few weeks because I think we'll need time to adjust to all of the changes.

She's really offended that I told her not to take off work.  Apparently she just assumed that I would want her to be here.  I'm already stressing out at the thought of her being here every day even for half an hour.  I can't handle the idea of her staying with us for two weeks.

Mrs.Gale920

i just had the same converation with my mom. She lives about 45 minutes away and insisted not coming up for the c-section but to come up to help after we get home. Honestly I don't want her to come because I am afraid that she will drive me crazy and stress me out more than I have to be.

I totally agree with you. I would go ahead and tell your plans to avoid hurting her feelings. It is not a easy situation. I am not sure what I am going to tell my mom either.  

 

MrsBlayne

My mom came and I was glad to have her BUT if she is going to stress you out, that won't be helpful!  You have to let her know DH is all the help you need.  Besides, if you change your mind, won't she love the phone call where you say, "Ok mom, you were right..."

eamaines

MrsBlayne:

My mom came and I was glad to have her BUT if she is going to stress you out, that won't be helpful!  You have to let her know DH is all the help you need.  Besides, if you change your mind, won't she love the phone call where you say, "Ok mom, you were right..."

I'd say that's pretty spot on Blayne!!

I on the other hand wanted my mom to be there to help me & she was thrilled to help but also happy to go home after 10 days (side note-my mom lives about 6 hours away so I do NOT see her often, only 2x during my pregnancy-once when we told her @ 15 weeks & once for my shower @ 32 weeks)!!  I cried on the porch as she drove away.....

ash.flea

I think it would be different if she didn't live 5 miles away.  I would probably want to spend as much time with her (and let her spend as much time with DS) as possible if she lived far away.  But with her being so close, I just don't see why she needs to take time off work.  I know she's just excited, and I'm trying not to hurt her feelings but at the same time I don't want the added stress that I'm sure her being here would cause.  She already overstays her welcome too often for me and there isn't a baby yet!

natalee215

I don't think you're crazy at all because I feel the saem way.  It is nice that they offer, but I'd much rather us learn the ropes on our own and ask for help if we need it.

lindeenwedding

No, we wanted that alone time too, but then again we weren't offered any help. Honestly is would have been nice for MIL who is about 40 minutes away to offer to come for an afternoon even so I could get some laundry or whatever done. My parents live 5 hours away and they came to visit for 2 days with my nephew when Alexa was a week old. My mom helped out with stuff then, but I still felt like I needed to entertain them and have my house clean before they got here.

eamaines

ash.flea:

I think it would be different if she didn't live 5 miles away.  I would probably want to spend as much time with her (and let her spend as much time with DS) as possible if she lived far away.  But with her being so close, I just don't see why she needs to take time off work.  I know she's just excited, and I'm trying not to hurt her feelings but at the same time I don't want the added stress that I'm sure her being here would cause.  She already overstays her welcome too often for me and there isn't a baby yet!

I completely agree.....especially if she already overstays her welcome & the baby isn't even here, LOL!

The only advice I can offer is for you to be upfront & honest about it NOW so you do not have to deal w/ it once your LO arrives!!  GL Ashley!!

MmeBP

eamaines:

ash.flea:

I think it would be different if she didn't live 5 miles away.  I would probably want to spend as much time with her (and let her spend as much time with DS) as possible if she lived far away.  But with her being so close, I just don't see why she needs to take time off work.  I know she's just excited, and I'm trying not to hurt her feelings but at the same time I don't want the added stress that I'm sure her being here would cause.  She already overstays her welcome too often for me and there isn't a baby yet!

I completely agree.....especially if she already overstays her welcome & the baby isn't even here, LOL!

The only advice I can offer is for you to be upfront & honest about it NOW so you do not have to deal w/ it once your LO arrives!!  GL Ashley!!

I agree.  My mom stayed for a month and I was so happy to have her.  It was nice to be able to take a shower or catch a nap every once in a while.  I started crying too when she left.  I'm like Annie, I only saw her 1x during my pregnancy so I'm sure it would be different if she lived up the road. 

Ashleysred

We definitely wanted/enoyed the alone time we had.  It was only in the evenings and the mornings until about 10.  But it was great when we had it.  I am sure if your mom doesn't cook or clean, she will be like my aunt in your life.  Just there to hold the baby so you can cook or clean.  That isn't helpful.  That's annoying.

I would be upfront with her now.  GL.  Stand your ground.  It is stressful enough bringing home baby, you don't need anyone to make it harder.

dexspsandqs

Honestly, she'll get over it..

I'm all for being alone when baby comes home. 

It's a wonderful, albeit exhausting, time for new parents but I tend to think it's important to have that experience.  To me, having help is delaying the inevitable (while there's no shame in asking for it if you need it) sooner or later, you will have to parent without the add ons- unless of course, you get a live in care giver..

sillybiochemist

I have the EXACT same concern.  My mom is 5 hours away and we don't live near any family (but do have some friends that more than likely would help out on occasion if we really needed it).  My mom's having a cow b/c she forgot when my due date was exactly (which surprised me from how she's been planning) and needed to reschedule a doctors appointment.  She wants to be there from minute one which I think is insane.  I don't really want her at the hospital in part because I want the chance for us to absorb being new parents and there's a lot for us to learn (especially me) with breast feeding.  At least at the hospital I'll have access to lactation consultants if I need them more easily than I will at home.  Plus DH has 6 weeks of paid family leave (he uses his vacation and sick time to get paid for the time he's off).  So I won't be alone and will have some help for the everyday stuff, which I'm grateful for.

The problem I'm going to run into is the fact my mom doesn't like to share.  So we're going to have to coordinate when she comes, when DH's parents come in, and when my dad comes in.  All involved are first time grandparents.  Fortunately everyone else is reasonable about it but my mom has already carved out the week after my due date and a week 3 weeks later.  All I've told her is that if she comes in the first two weeks she better expect to help out around the house because I'm not going to have time to entertain her (which I usually have to do) and deal with little one.  I don't mean to be mean or difficult about it but don't I (actually we) have to learn how to take care of the little one on our own?

Ms.Beachbum08

Ash, You are definitely going to need your alone/quiet time without visitors when the baby first arrives.  It helps you keep your sanity. 

Just be upfront with your mom.  I made Josh tell his mom that she had to at least give me a week after the baby is born before she can fly in.  He also had to state that I will not be entertaining (since they have only been to the east coast one time before for a weekend).