Can't pull through

itsspykitty

Ugggghh, PPD has reared it's ugly head again with DS. He is just shy of 3 weeks and every day is more miserable for me than the previous day.

I feel so alone, hopeless, miserable and desperate. I can't help but feel like having him is some cruel, evil punishment. I want nothing to do with him and feel like being on these boards makes it worse. I go on 0-3 and everyone seems so into their LO and wants to hold them, etc. I simply could not care where is he or what he is doing. He starts to cry and my blood boils. I scream at him to shut up and I simply cannot cope. 

I just started zoloft today and already have an estrogen patch. Even though I know I can pull out of this (I did with DD) I can't help but feel like this is a lifelong prison sentence and I'll regret having him for the rest of my life. 

I just can't get into this baby thing and feel like I've made a terrible mistake. 

Anyone else feel this way when PPD started to hit? 

 

Sunrise6

I also questioned myself for having DD before I started taking Zoloft.  I would grind my teeth so bad whenever she started crying and would have constant headaches from that, which made things even worse.  DD hardly ever cries, so I felt terrible thinking that I wasn't sure I could handle her since she's such an easy baby.  I knew when I was crying way more often  than her that I needed help.  The Zoloft really helped me and now I don't feel like she is my lifelong prison warden.  You're not alone and I really hope the Zoloft helps you like it helped me!  You can and will pull through! 

jenny1980

No, that really hasn't been my experience but I dealt with more anxiety than depression or anger.

Are you seeing a therapist in addition to meds? That would be important, especially since you're finding yourself a bit out of control (yeslling at the baby, etc.)

 

j9lovey

Yup...I am there and still working through it to this day.  I am exploring the option of meds- I tried zoloft but I didn't like it. (couldn't sleep- which makes me even worse).  I know deep down I do love my son to bits...but I just wish he didn't get me going so bad.  His crying just sets me into a rage sometimes.  If I hear him crying I just try to take a deep breath first and think about "why" he may be crying...and remind myself he isn't crying just to piss me off!

Sapphiresprout

Ugg, yes, I am here too. Just had my 2nd child, DD 4 wks old...Went through PPD w/ my son, which I thought was due to being a winter baby, so we purposely tried having a spring baby, which helps a tad bit, but exactly what you wrote is what I'm going through--the crying sends my blood pressure to the sky, I yell "shut up" to her (then hate myself for it, then end up crying myself), and sit at home nursing which seems like 24/7 and ask myself "why did we want another child??". I miss my freedom (my 2.5 yo is a pretty good kid, thankfully), I just want to fast forward out of this newborn stage! I am very natural/holistic (delivered both babies w/out pain meds), and am terrified of trying a medication...But to continue feeling like this is also not in my benefit so I may reconsider.

Just know you are not alone!!