Does your 3-4 year old do this? WDYD?

CubbyMama

K is going through this "faux-shy" phase where she randomly refuses to respond to people (our friends/coworkers, etc.) when they talk to her or offer her things.  She's normally not shy and has really good manners around us, so it's not that she doesn't know how to respond....she just chooses not to.

We try to quietly remind her to be polite--"If you don't want that cookie, what do you need to tell Mrs. X?" or "Mr. Y said hello to you...please be nice and say hello back" etc.--but she just frowns, or sighs and says "I don't want to!" and will NOT respond to them.

I know there's a fine line, especially with girls, where you don't want to teach them that they're obligated to be friendly with someone who makes them uncomfortable...but we also don't want her to be rude for no reason, either, and these are people we know, not Mr. CreepyGuyAtTheMall or something.

Does your kid do this?  Any suggestions?

ilovemygirls

That's a hard one because the more you "push" them to respond, or make issue of it, the more they will refuse to talk!  Little buggers.  fwiw, I think you're doing the right thing with gentle reminders, but I'd try to downplay it more than anything.  I'm sure it's happened with both of my kids, but it hasn't ever lasted too long since they really are quite social at heart!

Katesmama

We started this recently too.  Nice to know I'm not alone.
I found out the hard way that the more attention I give her during these times the worse things get.
I found this weekend that if I got down on her level and said some version of the following things got better fast.
"Kate, ____ is saying hello to you.  ____ is our friend and when you're ready to say hello I'm sure he/she would love to hear about your award from school."
Then I go about my conversation.  I don't pick her up, in fact, I basically ignore her until she's ready. 
That said, I only do this for people we know.  Strangers in the grocery store that want to play with her curls are a different story.  Those people make this Mama stabby.

Zenya

When C went through that, I just pulled him closer to me and said "He's feeling a bit shy right now" and then I'd answer for him.  He doesn't do it anymore (just turned 4).

melmax

ilovemygirls:

That's a hard one because the more you "push" them to respond, or make issue of it, the more they will refuse to talk!  Little buggers.  fwiw, I think you're doing the right thing with gentle reminders, but I'd try to downplay it more than anything.  I'm sure it's happened with both of my kids, but it hasn't ever lasted too long since they really are quite social at heart!

This, exactly.  I have noticed that the more I press Ava to do something like this that she doesn't want to, it just makes it worse. I think Zenya had great advice. I wouldn't make her do something she's not comfortable, but rather just say something like, 'she's a little reserved today' and move on. Ava has made leaps and bounds this past year (from pre-school) and my normally reserved kid has become much more outgoing!

rainbowfamily

My 4y/o does that as well and it depends on what situation we're in how I handle it.  If it's a friend or someone we know I just roll my eyes and explain how "shy" he is and go on about my business and within 60 seconds he's ready to be chatty.  With strangers I do the same thing without the eyeroll and he usually won't warm up to them. 

 The only time I insist that he drop the shy act is when he needs to apologize for something (like the time we walked by someone and said, "Mommy that lady looks really OLD!") or say excuse me.  When that happens I bend down to his level and remind him that he's a big boy and needs to do the big boy thing if he wants to continue to enjoy his big boy toys (his computer, driving his car, etc).

Kapalua

yep...and he does it to people he knows really well.  I pretty much just do like Zenya does...he usually snaps out of it in a minute or 2. 

Angela814

Annalise really is that shy, so she will often hide behind me when people talk to her or will whisper a response that I have to repeat. Sometimes she's even shy with people she knows until she has a chance to warm up to them again. The more I push her to respond, the more she hides, so I generally just let her wait for a bit until she's ready to talk. If someone asked her a question or said something to her, I would prompt her for the correct way to respond if she didn't do it herself, but I wouldn't force her to say anything.

Chrisy-Wyobride

Yep she does....I just usually say "are you being shy?" and hold her until she's ready to play/interact.  It is usually about 5min or so until she's ready to participate.

peekaboo716

Zenya:

When C went through that, I just pulled him closer to me and said "He's feeling a bit shy right now" and then I'd answer for him.  He doesn't do it anymore (just turned 4).

This is exactly what we do. DS also just turned 4 and still does it occassionally.