Why do people feel the need to push CIO?

vermont7

My husband and I do not feel comfortable letting LO cry it out for any length of time. When she cries, we go to her. We want her to know that if she needs us, we're there. When sleep comes up in conversation, it seems like people that follow CIO think it's the best way, the only way, and the right thing to do. I politely explain that we aren't comfortable with CIO and it's not for us. Even after I say this, it seems as if most people keep going on about how it really works and isn't that bad. I just simply repeat that it's not for us. I feel like I constantly have to defend our position. I am at the point where I am just going to start saying she sleeps great or not even participate in sleep conversations. Anyone else feel this way?

lissah23

I'm in the exact same boat.  Kieran has slept well without letting him cry, and if he has a bad night then we deal with it.  As soon as someone hears that Kieran is up a few times in a night (which only happens occasionally) they're all over us to let him CIO.

It's totally not for us.  I wouldn't want to be left alone in a room to cry myself to sleep, why should I be okay with doing it to my child?

ssmith325

Yes, I do.  It breaks my heart when DD cries because I know how quickly & easily she can be comforted.

I remember reading posts on the 3-6 boards of Mom's doing cio with 3-4 month old babies....and it made me sad. 

Ncaminiti

lissah23:

I'm in the exact same boat.  Kieran has slept well without letting him cry, and if he has a bad night then we deal with it.  As soon as someone hears that Kieran is up a few times in a night (which only happens occasionally) they're all over us to let him CIO.

It's totally not for us.  I wouldn't want to be left alone in a room to cry myself to sleep, why should I be okay with doing it to my child?

I have to agree! We still part time co-sleep when DS has a bad night or is nursing alot. That doesn't mean I'll be sharing my bed with a a teenager. I honestly think it's one of two thing. Either they feel guilty for doing it and feel if it's the "norm" then that takes away guilt or that they think we give birth to little adults.

octwed07

I don't push CIO on people, but if someone asks me how i was able to wean LO off of this and that, i said that i let her cry for 5 min to see if she soothes herself.  If not, i'll go in. I'm not comfortable myself to let her cry longer, because my LO usually isn't a crier in the first place.   Crying is their way of communicating, but IMO i like to give my baby the opportunity to try to learn to self soothe and to know that something bad won't happen if she doesn't have her swaddle, etc.  I personally don't think that just because you don't respond to them immediately it doesn't mean that you aren't there for them.  As for people pushing their opinion on you, i would just take it, nod your head and change the subject.  You're always going to find someone who wants to shove their advice down your throat.  Do what's comfortable for you.

KatieAnne918

FWIW

those "people" are probably not trying to "push CIO"... They are most likely wanting you to know that it is OK to do, as to justify their actions.  Maybe some insecurity on their own part involved. I am sure those people also feel like they have to defend their postition.  When, I think, why can't we all just get along... to each his own?  Just remember when talking about sleep patterns/disturbances, people usually think you are asking for advice, and not just a listening ear.

 

SusieQ1982

I believe people push CIO because they want to believe everyone has to do it, otherwise they have to face the possibility that they might have let their child scream alone unnecessarily.

When you say you're not doing CIO, these people can feel threatened by it because they think you're judging their parenting.

alybookgirl

SusieQ1982:

I believe people push CIO because they want to believe everyone has to do it, otherwise they have to face the possibility that they might have let their child scream alone unnecessarily.

When you say you're not doing CIO, these people can feel threatened by it because they think you're judging their parenting.

This. We did CIO and got a lot of grief from friends and family that didn't agree. It seems that everyone is AP these days so when you have a parenting method that goes against the grain, you feel like you have to say "it's alright. No one got hurt here and LO is happy and unaffected by it."  

Dominique Francon

SusieQ1982:

I believe people push CIO because they want to believe everyone has to do it, otherwise they have to face the possibility that they might have let their child scream alone unnecessarily.

When you say you're not doing CIO, these people can feel threatened by it because they think you're judging their parenting.

I think this is spot-on. People are like this about a lot of things. My mom is like this with formula - she (acts like she) feels like b/c I chose to BF (partial BFing is all I could do, but anyway) that I am passing judgment on her for FF, when really that's not the case, I'm just making my own choice. KWIM?  

jnk062602

SusieQ1982:

I believe people push CIO because they want to believe everyone has to do it, otherwise they have to face the possibility that they might have let their child scream alone unnecessarily.

When you say you're not doing CIO, these people can feel threatened by it because they think you're judging their parenting.

Or because it worked for them and they love getting a full night sleep and want that for you too.  There are so many different ways to parent and I don't think 1 way is right or wrong.  But if someone tells me IRL that they get up X amount of times and are sooo tired and wish their baby would STTN, then yes, I will tell them that what worked for us was CIO.  But if they don't mind getting up, then that is their choice.

~Soleil~

I hated when people asked about how G slept! What does that matter? They aren't the ones waking up with him so I just stopped answering them.

I don't push CIO but we did do it. There are other ways.

skinnursemandee

some do push CIo (not all that have let their children CIO do but there are some who think its the only solution).  I have posted before about my LO and her sleep issues and I cant stand when people say CIO it worked us in a couple of day.

In my home, CIO is not an option. I CAN NOT and will not let my child lay there feeling abandoned crying and no one comes to them. I cant wrap my heart or my head around.  Different strokes for different folks.

finally_mommy2b

jnk062602:

SusieQ1982:

I believe people push CIO because they want to believe everyone has to do it, otherwise they have to face the possibility that they might have let their child scream alone unnecessarily.

When you say you're not doing CIO, these people can feel threatened by it because they think you're judging their parenting.

Or because it worked for them and they love getting a full night sleep and want that for you too.  There are so many different ways to parent and I don't think 1 way is right or wrong.  But if someone tells me IRL that they get up X amount of times and are sooo tired and wish their baby would STTN, then yes, I will tell them that what worked for us was CIO.  But if they don't mind getting up, then that is their choice.

 

we were sooo anti-CIO, for 5 months. and then i had a break down, because i was getting approx. 4 hours of sleep/night. we tried CIO and B has been STTN. doesn't even cry anymore.

i had a friend who i felt "pushed" CIO on me from day 1, and i just said, "oh ok" and "i don't feel comfortable with it". then, one night, i lost it. i put her in her bed so i didn't hurt her, and she cried for about 5 minutes. then she stopped. i ran in, and she was sound asleep. seriously.

so we did it by accident kind of. i read the books, did what they said, and she has been STTN for the last week. i'm not saying it's right or something else is wrong. i'm definitely not saying that i would tell someone to do it if they didn't feel comfortable. just saying. it's not a guilt thing. it's an "it worked for us" thing. and FWIW-CIO is not letting your LO lay in the crib screaming their heads off alone all night. at all. not even close. 

jnk062602

finally_mommy2b:

jnk062602:

SusieQ1982:

I believe people push CIO because they want to believe everyone has to do it, otherwise they have to face the possibility that they might have let their child scream alone unnecessarily.

When you say you're not doing CIO, these people can feel threatened by it because they think you're judging their parenting.

Or because it worked for them and they love getting a full night sleep and want that for you too.  There are so many different ways to parent and I don't think 1 way is right or wrong.  But if someone tells me IRL that they get up X amount of times and are sooo tired and wish their baby would STTN, then yes, I will tell them that what worked for us was CIO.  But if they don't mind getting up, then that is their choice.

 

we were sooo anti-CIO, for 5 months. and then i had a break down, because i was getting approx. 4 hours of sleep/night. we tried CIO and B has been STTN. doesn't even cry anymore.

i had a friend who i felt "pushed" CIO on me from day 1, and i just said, "oh ok" and "i don't feel comfortable with it". then, one night, i lost it. i put her in her bed so i didn't hurt her, and she cried for about 5 minutes. then she stopped. i ran in, and she was sound asleep. seriously.

so we did it by accident kind of. i read the books, did what they said, and she has been STTN for the last week. i'm not saying it's right or something else is wrong. i'm definitely not saying that i would tell someone to do it if they didn't feel comfortable. just saying. it's not a guilt thing. it's an "it worked for us" thing. and FWIW-CIO is not letting your LO lay in the crib screaming their heads off alone all night. at all. not even close. 

Yup, we were right around 5.5 months and I was just exhausted.  We have a handheld video monitor and towards the end she would scream and as soon as she heard my footsteps coming she would stop and look at the door.  And if I waited a bit she would scream again.  But as soon as I opened the door she had a big smile on her face and thought it was a game.  Cute at first, sure.  But tiring.

And yes that's another thing....the wide range of CIO.  Some people may picture CIO to be all night long not going in no matter what.  Other people take it as 5 or 15 minute blocks.  Or even patting LO's back, but not picking up.    CIO or not, it depends on the LO and the parents.  And maybe some people have guilt, but maybe others are just trying to help you out since to many people getting up multiple times a night is not ideal.

dragon_chica

finally_mommy2b:

jnk062602:

SusieQ1982:

I believe people push CIO because they want to believe everyone has to do it, otherwise they have to face the possibility that they might have let their child scream alone unnecessarily.

When you say you're not doing CIO, these people can feel threatened by it because they think you're judging their parenting.

Or because it worked for them and they love getting a full night sleep and want that for you too.  There are so many different ways to parent and I don't think 1 way is right or wrong.  But if someone tells me IRL that they get up X amount of times and are sooo tired and wish their baby would STTN, then yes, I will tell them that what worked for us was CIO.  But if they don't mind getting up, then that is their choice.

 

we were sooo anti-CIO, for 5 months. and then i had a break down, because i was getting approx. 4 hours of sleep/night. we tried CIO and B has been STTN. doesn't even cry anymore.

i had a friend who i felt "pushed" CIO on me from day 1, and i just said, "oh ok" and "i don't feel comfortable with it". then, one night, i lost it. i put her in her bed so i didn't hurt her, and she cried for about 5 minutes. then she stopped. i ran in, and she was sound asleep. seriously.

so we did it by accident kind of. i read the books, did what they said, and she has been STTN for the last week. i'm not saying it's right or something else is wrong. i'm definitely not saying that i would tell someone to do it if they didn't feel comfortable. just saying. it's not a guilt thing. it's an "it worked for us" thing. and FWIW-CIO is not letting your LO lay in the crib screaming their heads off alone all night. at all. not even close. 

This is me all. the. way.  I resisted CIO for sooooo long despite friends and family exclaiming, "It worked for us!  He/she STTN!"  Only difference is that they never pushed it when I would respond that I wasn't comfortable with the idea. 

I think part of the reason I resisted was due to my misconception of what CIO really meant.  I think when people hear that you let your child cry they're imagining kids screaming at the top of their lungs, hyperventilating, and grabbing at the rails willing mom and dad to come in.  Ok, so I embellished a little bit, but I really think that's the misconception many folks have.  For me, CIO means fussy crying.  DD rarely screams and when that does happen I'll usually go in after about 5 min.  I, too, can feel my heart breaking when I hear her cry hysterically and I won't let her just lie there for hours on end screaming her head off.  But, DD fusses therefore we let her CIO.  The only time I would recommend CIO to someone on here is if they ask for general help.  If they are very clear that they absolutely do not want to do CIO then I leave it alone.  Everyone has a choice.  

SeaMama

Our LO is 7 months, not doing cio or any sleep training.  I am certain people who freak out over this/push CIO are insecure about the choices they made.  Otherwise, why do they care what I'm doing w/ my own kid?

littlemaybaby

Dominique Francon:

SusieQ1982:

I believe people push CIO because they want to believe everyone has to do it, otherwise they have to face the possibility that they might have let their child scream alone unnecessarily.

When you say you're not doing CIO, these people can feel threatened by it because they think you're judging their parenting.

I think this is spot-on. People are like this about a lot of things. My mom is like this with formula - she (acts like she) feels like b/c I chose to BF (partial BFing is all I could do, but anyway) that I am passing judgment on her for FF, when really that's not the case, I'm just making my own choice. KWIM?  

I was going to make the formula analogy too.  Every single person who had an opinion with DS's sleep problems either told me that it was a fact that BF babies can't STTN (LOL) or that I needed to do CIO.

In the end, after severe sleep disturbances, we did use Ferber's method to restore normalcy to our home.  (And DS still doesn't STTN, but that's okay.)  It was a last resort for us, and I understand it's not for everyone.  That being said - when people ask for advice or suggestions, I do tell them that we ended up using Ferber and that the book is a very good read and not nearly as harsh as some people mis-interpret it . . .

But yeah, it's the exact same as when I tell people that I won't consider formula feeding - I think they feel that in some way I'm passing judgment on their parenting advice.

Ivana_Stolichnaya

Same here.  Both my cousin and her husband claimed that they let both of their DD's CIO and were STTN by 7 weeks old.  No flames, but personally I think letting a child CIO that early is wrong.

MommaD2Be

I think it depends.

I did CIO and it worked wonders for us, so that's my bias.

When people say they choose not to do CIO, as long as they aren't bitching and moaning about the situation, I drop it and don't push it.  However, if someone is complaining to me about how exhausted they are, how they wish their LO would just STTN already etc, I might try a little persuasion.

As long as you aren't complaining about your situation, I agree - people should live and let live with different parenting styles.  If you are happy not doing CIO, then great.

lilsandra

I completley agree with MommaD2Be.  The reason why I suggest CIO to my friends is because they are complaining about not getting any sleep.  Fine if you don't want to CIO, but I have yet to hear of any other magic options that will get your children to sleep through the night on their own!

Sara Scissors

I feel the EXACT same way.  All my mommy friend do CIO, some for far longer than I would could ever even imagine but they act like I'm stupid that I don't.  Like there's no other way.  And most have been doing it since their LO's were very young.  Both DH and I just can't do it.  I don't care whether DS could handle it or not for x amount of time, we can't.  I seriously feel like I could have written this post myself!