Well...it's official -- trial separation

cooker71

DH and I are separating for the next three months...going to test the waters and see how it works. Sucky part? We can't afford for either one of us to officially move out and rent an apartment or something, so he's agreed to live in the spare room in the garage for this time period.

He's going to move his work hours so that he'll spend time with the kids in the morning and go into work later, drop them off at day care, and then I'll pick them up and spend time with them at night after I get done with work at 5 p.m.

We've agreed on boundaries as far as personal contact, sex, how/if to tell family and friends so the both of us actually feel OK about it all tonight.

We each need time/space to work on ourselves and figure out what, if anything, we still want out of this marriage. I need to figure out who I am again...what makes me happy and learn to love myself no matter what. Because like Janis Joplin said, don't compromise yourself, you're all that you've got...and that's the truth. 

hmckeown

Big HUGE Hugs! I am thinking about you.

Take Care of yourself.

Heather

summerbrideDC

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

~appletini~

I'm sorry. I hope it all works out in the end for your happiness, whatever that may be.

goodheartedmommy

I hope for the best for you--whatever that means.

MelandJeff

Holy shiz.

((hugs))

If you want to talk, you know where to find me.... 

jettagurl

summerbrideDC:

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

This.  Take care of yourself & we're always here for ya!  

rebs

((((hugs)))) I hope everything works out for the best for you and your family, whatever that may be.

sarahslost

Ditto all the hugs.

firefightersgal

Huge ((hugs))!

Andrewsgal

((((HUGS)))) I hope you find what your looking for and everything works out for what is best for you and your family.

Marchmamma

Hugs!

cooker71

Thank you everyone. We're not telling anyone IRL outside of immediate family, so it helps to be able to talk about it on here.

laughteriskey

(((HUGS)))

Like with everything else, it sounds like you are handling this with dignity and grace!  You rock girl!!! 

cnybride2be

Hugs.

I need to figure out who I am again...what makes me happy and learn to love myself no matter what.

and this. being figured out.

 

Mrs.Tony

Thinking of you! You will get thru this!

penguingrrl

(((hugs)))  That really sucks.

cooker71

I also need to revisit and deal with some unresolved issues re: Miles' birth and how that's impacted my life. Didn't really do that fully the first time around....

cnybride2be

oh and i also think you are brave. 

and on your way to figuring this stuff out.

sooosie

Oh cooker, I hope you get the resolution you both want.  If only I lived closer, we could tip back a Leinie's and talk about it...  Oh hey!  I'm flying through MSP on the 21st - so show up at the airport between like noon and 12:30pm and we'll slam a quick one at the bar. 

((HUGS)) for real.

cooker71

sooosie:

Oh cooker, I hope you get the resolution you both want.  If only I lived closer, we could tip back a Leinie's and talk about it...  Oh hey!  I'm flying through MSP on the 21st - so show up at the airport between like noon and 12:30pm and we'll slam a quick one at the bar. 

((HUGS)) for real.

LOL...wouldn't that be the picture of mommyhood. Thanks. 

sooosie

cooker71:

sooosie:

Oh cooker, I hope you get the resolution you both want.  If only I lived closer, we could tip back a Leinie's and talk about it...  Oh hey!  I'm flying through MSP on the 21st - so show up at the airport between like noon and 12:30pm and we'll slam a quick one at the bar. 

((HUGS)) for real.

LOL...wouldn't that be the picture of mommyhood. Thanks. 

We could make a show out of it.  Real moms of the norf woods.  Der hey.

amanda&rob

I'm sorry ( 

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))

AngelaSue

Hugs to you Cooker. I hope it all works out for the best.

Mominator

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. {{{hugs}}}

karen6784

laughteriskey:

(((HUGS)))

Like with everything else, it sounds like you are handling this with dignity and grace!  You rock girl!!! 

this exactly

Zenya

I hope this helps you both find peace.  

melmax

Hugs cooker.

Yodajo

I'm sorry.  ((hugs))

katie277s

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))).  I'm sorry, but I hope you find some peace with whatever the outcome. 

DandelionMom

Adding a (((hug)))!  You're such a cool girl and such a great mom, you deserve the absolute best. 

femmegem

(((hugs))) I hope it helps you figure things out!

peekaboo716

((((((((HUGS)))))))

 

tmp-726880625006534

Oh S big hugs to you!! 

luvmyboys12

I am sorry to hear about your separation, but being a therapist who has worked with many parents whose children have special needs in some way or another and having seen their marriages suffer due to the strain the experience has on them my best advice is get someone (I recommend a professional) in your life that can be a listening/reflecting person to hear your experiences, sadness, anger, support your grieving, help you find your strength and to help you sort out what your feelings are about your marriage.  So many families I have worked with have taken out their anger or frustration at their partner when its really general anger at what they are going through or the loss they feel.  Parenting is hard enough but having any traumatic or unique birthing experience or special needs child puts an unusual strain on a marriage and any parent.  I do not know anything about your situation but based on my experiences hearing the stories from so many other parents with kids with very serious developmental and mental health issues this is what I hear their advice being to other parents beginning their walk as a parent to a unique child.  Getting support from other parents with similiar special needs children is invaluable.  Good luck to you, take care of yourself.

Marce921

I hope everything works out  the way you want them to. ((((HUGS))))

r9stedt

Ug.   Again, Hugs.  let me know if you need anything.

Brideofranken

wow- I hope it all works out to everyone's happiness and satisfaction- I am SURE it will- I hope its sooner than later.

It hurts me in the heart to think that you don't love yourself no matter what- I mean- even to think of you struggling with self esteem or self worth issues...

I only know the nest you, but I really admire you. like, a LOT. I feel like you are someone to look up to- you seem incredibly intelligent, witty, pretty, funny, independant, and strong.

What more could you be that would make you appreciate yourself more? like...would you have to be able to fly?

 I am really hoping this works out in a great way- however it has to go- but I really think you deserve happiness and fulfillment- and I really hope you realize that you do.

good luck! its good you guys have a plan- and an extra living space!