Seriously? How would you respond to this?

kiwi443

Super long, I know. 

So I was babysitting my little brother (he's just turned 4) for a few hours today. He likes to look at books for a little before he takes an afternoon nap. He doesn't fall asleep if I'm in the room, so I left him alone for a little while. When I came back, he had ripped part of a book cover off. I explained to him why that upset me and he helped me to tape it back on.

When my mom came to pick him up, I mentioned the incident and said that I didn't give him a consequence because I don't know how she handles that at home. She said, " Oh, that's to be expected. You'll have to give him a consequence here next time because I don't know what else to do." He has never torn books at my house before and I've watched him many times. I didn't realize he needs to be supervised when looking at books.

I know there are way deeper issues here, but how would you have responded to this particular incident?

 

 

 

mjsweetgirl

I would ask your mom to replace the book. And when he asks for books to read before nap time I would give him board books and go from there.

kiwi443

mjsweetgirl:

I would ask your mom to replace the book. And when he asks for books to read before nap time I would give him board books and go from there.

Thanks for the suggestion, I will def. only give him board books from now on. I'm not worried about the cost of the book. I bought it at a garage sale for a quarter.My concern is that she didn't even seem to care about giving a consequence. It's almost like she's given up.

 

LVila

kiwi443:

mjsweetgirl:

I would ask your mom to replace the book. And when he asks for books to read before nap time I would give him board books and go from there.

Thanks for the suggestion, I will def. only give him board books from now on. I'm not worried about the cost of the book. I bought it at a garage sale for a quarter.My concern is that she didn't even seem to care about giving a consequence. It's almost like she's given up.

 

Have there been other issues? I mean, he rips a book one time it's really not a big deal. Tell him that's not how you behave, make him help you fix it (which you did), then move on. Do you think your mom doesn't parent or something? I really see no big deal in a 4 year old ripping a book. He's 4.  

kiwi443

LVila:

kiwi443:

mjsweetgirl:

.

Have there been other issues? I mean, he rips a book one time it's really not a big deal. Tell him that's not how you behave, make him help you fix it (which you did), then move on. Do you think your mom doesn't parent or something? I really see no big deal in a 4 year old ripping a book. He's 4.  

It's too much to go into here, but yes, there are other issues.

Apparently he rips books all the time at home, which I didn't know. I guess what bugs me the most is that I felt her response was basically saying, I don't know how to get through to this kid, so I'm done trying.

If my child messed up someone else's property, I would apologize at the very least. I would hope that I would give my child a consequence and let him know that it's not appropriate behavior.

LVila

kiwi443:

LVila:

kiwi443:

mjsweetgirl:

.

Have there been other issues? I mean, he rips a book one time it's really not a big deal. Tell him that's not how you behave, make him help you fix it (which you did), then move on. Do you think your mom doesn't parent or something? I really see no big deal in a 4 year old ripping a book. He's 4.  

It's too much to go into here, but yes, there are other issues.

Apparently he rips books all the time at home, which I didn't know. I guess what bugs me the most is that I felt her response was basically saying, I don't know how to get through to this kid, so I'm done trying.

If my child messed up someone else's property, I would apologize at the very least. I would hope that I would give my child a consequence and let him know that it's not appropriate behavior.

Unfortunately, you probably aren't going to change your mom's mind as to how to raise her child. I would continue to discipline him at your house how you see fit and leave it at that. He'll learn what's acceptable and unacceptable (at both places). If you stick to your guns, you'll have a lot fewer problems with him than your mom does! Kids are smart little things and he'll know how to act at each place.  

jenn11980

LVila:

Unfortunately, you probably aren't going to change your mom's mind as to how to raise her child. I would continue to discipline him at your house how you see fit and leave it at that. He'll learn what's acceptable and unacceptable (at both places). If you stick to your guns, you'll have a lot fewer problems with him than your mom does! Kids are smart little things and he'll know how to act at each place.  

I agree with this. My sister's kids do not have a lot of rules or discipline at home.  When they are at my Mom's they know that some of the things they are allowed to do at home are not acceptable at her house.  She has rules at her house that she expects them to follow.  If they don't follow them than they pay the consequences.

 

 

kiwi443

Great advice ladies. Thanks! I know I can't change my mom and I shouldn't let it bug me. Next time I'll just handle it here and let him know that's not the way it works at my house ;0).