DH not enthusiastic about TTCAL #5

babygirlpriest

I guess maybe I should have seen this coming and it's not at all like he said he doesn't want to try again.

But this weekend, for the first time in 2 years, DH said, "Are you sure you want to ttc again? Are we calling this our last attempt? When are we just gonna call it quits?"

He says he misses the old us. And by that he probably (and fairly) means the old me. I'm still, in general, a happy person, but three m/c in less than a year mean I've been either preg. and emotional, m/c and emotional or newly ttc and emotional for the last 12 months.

I'm scared he might be ready to throw in the towel if the next pregancy doesn't stick and, because I'm an absolute glutton for punishment, I have a feeling I will want to keep blindly trying till all my eggs shrivel up and die or a doctor tells us not to.

I guess this isn't really me asking for advice or even venting cause I can't really blame the guy... I guess I just needed to voice (or write out) this godawful fear that DH will want to give up before I will.

surfergirlkona

Sweetie, I am so sorry.  It is so unfair and sadly it does change the dynamics of our lives in so many ways.  I know your DH is sad and hurts as well, but maybe this is more that he hates seeing you suffer so.  It is just heartbreaking.  My husband said he'd support me in whatever direct I want to take, and I am sure this is your husbands true stance on this as well. 

Sending you soooooooooooooooooooo much love.

CarrieLeigh84

Give him time, sunshine. That's all. He'll come around.

Scout05

I'm so sorry, KP.

rjl07

I'm so sorry.  I know I'm not the same person either.  I used to want to go out and be with our friends all of the time and now I'll do almost anything to avoid most things.  I'm actually afraid that I'll want to give up before DH.  I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.  I hope things get back to normal for you soon.  ((hugs))

KiKiMe

I'm so sorry bgp!

I don't have any words of wisdom or anything but I know that I have been a different person through this entire process too and it really does put a strain on our relationship. He is no doubt just scared and hurt like you are.

:::hugs:::

ETA: I hope you two mutually decide when to move foward and how long to keep trying.

TravelinMama

:::hugs::: It does unfortunately and definitely change us and get harder and harder  

TravelinMama

:::hugs::: It does unfortunately and definitely change us and get harder and harder  

Giving you both lots of strength.  

noFHsallowed

I'm sorry hon. I can kind of understand. I know lately I have changed and have had nothing happy going on. It is really trying on a relationship and DH and I have had our problems dealing with all the emotions, etc. I'm not excited about trying again but DH wants to. We have agreed to wait until we possibly get answers from the RE.

I hope his enthusiam comes back and he is surprised when you get your sticky baby. I know all of this is so hard and unfair (((HUGS)))

ColindaP

Wanna trade husbands? You and my H can keep trying, and your H and I can throw in the towel.

gwennythepooh

*hugs*

bbhalphen

I agree that he probably needs time!  I've only had 3 losses, but my husband has been like that after every single one of them.  I'm so sorry! 

Court1

They're right, he'll come around.  Helll, my DH took convincing to get going this time & we've only been through 1 loss.  Big hugs to you!

AppleRidge

I agree that he's trying to be protective of your emotions.  I know it's been a sh!t year, and there's no joy to trying again.  But I trust that something will set him off to remind him how much he wants this.

KristysRedBarn

I'm sorry.  It is so very hard and it does change us.  Unfortunately I know that for me, stopping ttcal, will not change me back, I'm forever changed.  Hugs.

PeetiePie

It's been a really tough year for you two.  I hope he comes around soon hon.  (((hugs)))

triple_sevens

It's so, so hard for our husbands to see us suffering physically and emotionally. I think that reaction is totally normal. But he knows how much you want a child (and I'm sure wants one very much himself, too) and you'll figure this out together.

babes12

i'm sorry.  i can understand your fear completely.  (((HUGS)))

i hope DH eases back into TTC. 

jdeats71

I'm so sorry hon - I know exactly what you are talking about.  it's hard to determine when enough is enough. 

big hugs to you..........

eminbmore

I'm sorry hon  

mdm2137

((hugs))

Orchard27

I'm so sorry.  I hope you guys are able to keep talking and come to a decision you both support. 

kew243

I'm so sorry.  It is so emotionally draining.  My DH hates to see me hurt, so I get why yours is protective of you too.  It is a hard decision to make, I can imagine for you.  ((hugs))

Shemico

*hugs*

My DH has been taking a simliar stance for try # 5 too (which would be pg #6). Its rough and there's no right answer. I'm starting to push him a little more into trying again. The last two times have been the last for him but im not sure he'll be on board again.

mlmtgg

not easy at all. I'm sorry you even have to think about this. only the two of you will know what is right for you.

butterfly843

((hugs)) my dh was always the postive one that it would happen for us in all the years we were trying. Recently he brought up adoption, which I would like to do but I would like to also get pregnant and have a healthy baby. It upset me a little that now he doesn't seem to believe that it will happen for us.