Hello everyone

Sunflower730

I don't know if this is the right place for me, but after you hear my story and how I feel please let meknow if you think I belong here.

My husband and I have fertility problems, I struggled withthis for years getting depressed each month this would not happen. We finally got lucky after 5 years of struggling where I got pregnant with triplets. The first time in my life I was really happy and excited and things were going my way.

We unfortunately lost one of our triplets on January 2010 at 12 weeks. I cried for weeks, I was so devestated about losing a life I would never get to meet.

On March 23rd my water broke at 23w pregnant. I gave birth to my daughter Avery @ 3:05 pm and my son Alexander on 3/24 at 12:17 pm.

I have been depressed, and very angry. I don't know why their lives were taken away from me after I tried for so long to have them. How people less deserving, ( drug addicts, people on welfare, or teens) could deliver healthy babies and I could not carry mine to term.

I blame myself, and even though I am not a religious person I blame god. I am angry that my husband will never get to be the father tohis first children, or my mother a grandmother to her grandchildren.

I thought it would help jumping back into trying again, giving myself something to look forware to and to strive for. I want to be a mom.

The last round of fertility medication failed, and I am sitting here at work after the doctor told me that my body just was not responding, feeling sorry for myself, andhating myself more. Wondering if my DH would be better off with someone else who could give him a family instead of being with someone who feels so broken.

I crymyself to sleep everynight, I dont' even care about calling friends back. I just want to sit alone and not feel pity from people.

DH and I go to cousling for the loss of the twins and it helps to know others have gone thru what we have. But I still feel alone and in alot of pain.

I'm sorry if this is so long I just needed to get this off my chest and hope I can find a "safe" place.

 

Gina418

I am so sorry for your losses. You are absolutely welcome here - you can come and vent/cry/whatever anytime you want. We'll be here for you.

I'm glad you and your husband are going to counseling together. Have you thought about going on your own to see a therapist as well.

((hugs))

 

jaime5121

I'm so sorry for your losses.  I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through.  You are always welcome here!  As we might not totally understand what you are going through, we will always listen and support you - even if you just need to vent/cry/yell. 

I did not have nearly as devastating a loss as you did, but I lost my first pregnancy, along with one of my tubes.  I know it personally helped me not only to have my DH and I go to counselling together, but for me to go by myself.  I hope you can find your "safe" place here!

summerbee1

Hi, I'm so sorry for your losses. I don't even know why I came to lurk here...I have been trying to get pregnant for 10 months after a miscarriage and I don't know what brought me here...curiousity I guess.

I'm glad I saw your post. There is a Pregnancy Loss board where there are many other women who have gone through precisely what you have. That is where I received the support that got me through my loss.

And if and when you are ready to TTC again, there is Trying to Conceive After a Loss, where you will find a lot of very supportive women. If not for those two boards I don't know how I would have gotten through all the tough times.

Again, I'm so sorry for your losses and my thoughts and prayers are with you. 

Sunflower730

summerbee1:

Hi, I'm so sorry for your losses. I don't even know why I came to lurk here...I have been trying to get pregnant for 10 months after a miscarriage and I don't know what brought me here...curiousity I guess.

I'm glad I saw your post. There is a Pregnancy Loss board where there are many other women who have gone through precisely what you have. That is where I received the support that got me through my loss.

And if and when you are ready to TTC again, there is Trying to Conceive After a Loss, where you will find a lot of very supportive women. If not for those two boards I don't know how I would have gotten through all the tough times.

Again, I'm so sorry for your losses and my thoughts and prayers are with you. 

Thank you. I am actually a regular on the M/C board and the TTCAL board.

I just see others people happiness and I wonder when it's going to happen for us.

Thank you for your kind words.