I wish I wasn't annoyed

mamarazzi

but I am.

Why is it that my H can do whatever he wants to do without a mention to me, yet he gets pissed/passive-aggressive/huffy when I ask him before I make plans (even when those plans are photo shoots that make us money)? 

I would have loved to do something as a family this weekend, but H has been doing project after project and is now going golfing this afternoon -- a decision he made without consulting me first.  I'm home alone with the kids all day, every day and was looking forward to being able to get caught up on some stuff of my own today since he'd be around to help.  At the very least, it would have been nice to go to the zoo or the park or something as a family.  And instead of going at naptime, he's going now and will get home just in time for the boys' nap and will probably lay down himself.

I'm sure I'm overreacting, but I'm irritated and I need to vent.

cbidt*sgirl

I don't think you are overreacting - heck I get upset when dh takes a long time at the gym!

jessicaclare

That would annoy me too. Not so much that he does things, but moreso that he does them with no consideration to what you might have planned or want to do. DH and I always "ask" each other when we want to do something. Not really for permission, but just to make sure there is nothing planned and that the other doesn't have something pressing to do. When you have kids, I just think that's being courteous. JMO.

MelandJeff

I dont think you are overreacting. I would be beyond livid. It isnt the fact that he went golfing, that would have been fine with me, but the fact that he has two kids and a wife on a holiday weekend that he didnt consider.

IDK. I am a ball breaker I suppose, but luckily, MH is respectful enough of me that he would never do that to make me kick his arse.

 

katie277s

I don't think you are overreacting at all.  I would be uber annoyed too. 

mamarazzi

The thing that annoys me the most is that he's getting to go do something he wants to do and he was all mopey about it because he knew he wasn't being considerate and felt guilty and then passive-aggressively projected that onto me.  Seriously.  If he wanted to go and made the decision, then be happy about it.  Don't try to pick a fight with me over it because you feel bad.

And then he had the audacity to b!tch about not being able to find clothes...laundry being the chore I was hoping to catch up this weekend (I can't do it while AJ is up -- he unfolds EVERYTHING I fold and freaks if he can't be right up in my business while I'm doing it).

And NOW, Law is crying about how daddy left and he misses him and he wishes he could have gone golfing with him.

FML.

jessicaclare

Maybe Law should call his Dad and ask him to take him to the zoo....just sayin'

hikerbeth

I hear you and understand.  DH had to leave for a business trip this morning and spent ZERO family time with us this weekend.

I taught one, one hour aerobics class that I'd put on his radar for weeks, but that was all the "kid-free" time I got.  He bought some stuff on craigslist that he had to travel an hour to get, spent time at Home Depot, drank beer with a buddy, did yard work (from right after breakfast until after dinner. . .he missed dinner with us).

Ugh.

AggieCouple

I honestly think that most men don't make the full adjustment to parenthood.  Both my dad and FIL still aren't nearly as involved in their kids' lives as my mom or MIL.  They make plans for themselves and everyone/everything else is 2nd priority, unlike moms, who tend to schedule themselves around their children.  

I don't know how much of this is just how differently men vs women are wired and how much is due to the society we live in.  I think my H is a very considerate man, he'd never do anything purposeful to hurt or even inconvenience me.  But he does inconvenience me mightily all the time, simply because he doesn't factor in the time/energy the kids require when making his personal plans.  

I would be annoyed too, but also think you just have to speak up.  Whenever I do, H responds instantly, and I feel so bad about stewing for the 24 hours leading up to it.  He has cancelled plans when I simply point out, hey, I have not had a single moment to finish up some work.  Another part of being a woman, I think, is we just expect men to know what we want or need.  They don't.   

Angela814

AggieCouple:

I honestly think that most men don't make the full adjustment to parenthood.  Both my dad and FIL still aren't nearly as involved in their kids' lives as my mom or MIL.  They make plans for themselves and everyone/everything else is 2nd priority, unlike moms, who tend to schedule themselves around their children.  

I agree with this completely. I would be super annoyed with the situation. DH does similar things all the time. I guess I need to learn that I can't make him want to spend time with us. He thinks he's being so helpful doing all these projects around the house, when really I'd rather he occasionally just take a break and hang out.

Personally I would stop doing his laundry. I've never done laundry for DH. Well, ocasionally I'll ask if he has anything to make a full load. I do mine and DD's. That's enough.

Kapalua

AggieCouple:

.  Another part of being a woman, I think, is we just expect men to know what we want or need.  They don't.   

this!  if I've learned anything about marriage it's that you just have to spell it out for them...even if in an "ideal world" they would just "know" the right thing to do.