Advice
Hi:)
I have never really lurked on this board before and I apologize for that. My husband and I recently found out that we can't have children without the use of IVF and ICSI. While we still want to pursue this avenue eventually, we were approached by my sister (18 and pregnant).
She doesn't want the baby and neither does the father (if he is the father). They want us to do a relative adoption. She is due in Dec. We would love too, my sister and I have been incredibly close for years and we would love to adopt her child. Also, she is not the type to change her mind. She is adamant about how this baby is a punishment from God for her sleeping around (so sad when I would do anything to get pregnant). So, we don't think she will change her mind once the baby is born. She doesn't even want to bring it home, she wants us to take it at the hospital.
Do any of yall have advice on this? We contacted a lawyer and were told that relative adoption is easier than agency adoption. However, finding any information online regarding requirements and laws is very difficult. The only websites I can find are about agency adoptions and agency home studies. Any help - would help:) Thanks!
Re: Advice
I don't have personal experience, but we have friends who did a private adoption of a friend's niece's child (still with me?).
They still needed to have a home study done, so they used an agency for this. You can contact an agency and find out more information on a private adoption. They are a lot easier (and cheaper
). An adoption lawyer should be able to give you more information also.
Good luck to you!!!
Congrats! That's exciting.
If you scroll down a bit, there is another poster that is adopting her sister's baby. I think they are in different states and it sounds as if you are in the same state.
Good luck!
I think you'll get a lot of information from the lawyer when you sit down with them.
And I would strongly urge some counseling for your sister and the birthfather. It sounds like it would be a really good idea.
Your attorney should be able to recommend a private social worker to you who writes home studies. You don't need to use an agency for your homestudy. Bonus, private home studies, much like private adoptions, are usually cheaper!
Your attorney will be able to advise you as to what is and isn't allowed as far as any expenses -- just keep in mind you will be paying for your sister's legal expenses as well as your own. The same attorney can represent you both or you can have separate attorneys.
I would also recommend that you make sure she gets pre and post-birth counseling. The social worker will be able to recommend someone to you who can provide this service. Whether you pay for it or not depends on what is allowed in your state. If your state doesn't allow it or has restrictive laws around it, most likely there are free services available. Most large cities have a post-adoption connection service that offers free counseling to both birthparents and adoptive parents. Google and you should have no trouble finding resources.
First step is sitting down with an attorney and finding out what is allowable! For an overview of the process and what you can expect, you might want to read Adoption for Dummies too. You can read the chapters specific to private adoption.
My DD is also my niece, although my situation wasn't due to my sister's choice, which complicates matters a bit. I encourage your sister get counseling and if you decide to move forward with the adoption, make sure you have some honest conversation about how relationships and family roles might change. How do you feel about having a completely open adoption? How does your sister feel about it? What about your mom, will she see this as your child or your sister's child? Who will name the child? What if your sister does change her mind? Will that hurt your relationship?
I only ask these questions because these are the things we have faced and although we wouldn't change anything, kinship adoption can be tough. There have been many times that I have had to choose my children and husband over my family's feelings.