Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

not sure why..

it will be one week tomorrow since our d&c...and out of no where..today i am more upset..and crying..than i have been since we found out baby had no heartbeat...and i thought i cried a lot then...i was dehydrated and had a horrible headache from crying....and i was doing good..i hadnt cried since the day after the d&c and boom it hit me..last night i cried..and i cried off and on all day today..i don't know why...but i think its hitting me harder now than before...it just seems like life is so unfair...i just wish i could be done with all of this..i wish it was aug...i wish we could be ttc again..instead of waiting..im not a patient person...and TLC is the worlds worst channel EVER...i think i should block it...i keep turning it on...i cant control myself...and it just makes me cry...i hope i can go do something tomorrow and get my mind off of all of this...I need a hug :(

Re: not sure why..

  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  I feel like I was like that, too. There will be good days and bad days.  Remember that whatever you're feeling is ok, though.
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  • I'm so sorry you are having a rough day.  We've all been there.

    Sending lots of hugs your way!

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  • thanks

    it seems like dh is out of his element..he understands how hard this is..i know its hard for him too..but at the same time...he doesnt know how to make me feel better...no matter what he says lately it only makes it worse...saying "next time it will be a healthy happy baby" or "it just wasnt our time..next time will be" it just makes me even more upset..i really need a vacation from life right about now...guess its time to eat some chocolate and find a chick-flick on tv...lol

  • i just hope tomorrow is better.. thats all i can hope and pray for...tomorrow is another day..thanks for the support guys..im glad to know that what im going through is normal..i just wonder if ill ever get out of this downward spiral and start feeling my normal "peppy" self...
  • I'm sorry!  I think it is all part of the grieving process...I'm reading Empty Cradle, Broken Heart right now and they talk about being in shock at first and then it hitting hard later...

    Maybe that's what you are going through.

    Hope tomorrow is better.  *hugs*

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  • you gals make me feel a lot better about this whole grieving thing...and i think i was in shock..it just happened so fast..friday they found out we had no heartbeat..monday we had the d&c and i never really got the chance to mourn..or to be by myself..while the support from dh and family was great...i wish they had allowed a bit of space to grieve..im trying to be strong..but its really hard...when im feeling stronger maybe ill go read that book...right now i just feel like curling up in a ball and hiding from everybody...thanks everyone..i dunno what id do without you..and its hard..my friends dont understand...they havent been through this...and dont know what to say to me..and i feel like they want to be there..but dont know how to...i feel really alone and jealous of other people i know who are pregnant and i wish i could just contain my emotions..its like a horrible rollercoaster..ugh...well..heres hoping tomorrow is better...time to get ready for bed...hopefully ill feel a little better..a little stronger..tomorrow..

  • I'm sorry you had such a bad day. I had those too just out of the blue no warning. Having the bad days is a way to grieve. You have to have them to get to acceptance. It sucks at the time. Try to find hobbies that help relax you and you enjoy. We did a lot of yard work in the spring, planting flower and such. It really helped my mind focus on something else and now I get to take care of all of it. I never thought three months ago, I would feel like I do now, it just takes time. Hang in there :) And this board has awesome people waiting to help in those good and bad days.
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  • Big hugs to you.  I'm so sorry you're having a rough day.  I too wonder if the initial shock has worn off and you are in the depths of grief mode.  It came and went for me.  One minute I would be "fine" and the next a total mess.  It's all normal though at this stage.  Feel what you need to feel right now.  DH is learning how to handle something new just like you are - you might need to tell him what you need from him, and vice versa because I'm sure he is grieving too but wants to give you the support you need.  My DH i think wanted to "fix the pain" for me, but when he realized he couldn't, we just went through the pain together.  It took time.  Hugs, thoughts and prayers to you.
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  • I'm so sorry. The rough days will come and go, they do for me anyway. I had a period of time right after my second loss where I felt like I wasn't feeling anything..just the initial shock of the loss was all I could feel. So the real grief came down later. Maybe you're experiencing something similar now, and like others said, there will be tough days ahead on and off unfortunately.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of hugs...

  • I feel similarly, some days are not great, but better than others. If you are feeling that way about what your H is saying, you should talk to him. He may not know what to say, wants to make you feel better. He is your H, talk to him.
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. It really does go up and down and don't feel bad for having a hard day. It doesn't mean you are back tracking or being negative. It just means you are human and greiving the loss of your child.

    Lots of hugs!

    Oh and my DH read through these links after the baby and he said they really helped him to understand what I was feeling and how to respond to those feelings.



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  • Here's a hug.

    And I know how you feel. It's been a little over a week since my d&c. And it's been an emotional roller coaster ride.. Some days I'm in a good mood, and fine. Other days I barely speak to anyone. The worst are the days I start crying in the shower and don't stop all day. My DH is great, and he tries to be supportive, but like your DH, he doesn't know what to do.

    Last night though, I feel like a had a breakthrough with him. I told him I understand, rationally, that miscarraige is a natural thing. And I do. I realize that something was just not right with this pregnancy and it couldn't continue, and it there's nothing I can do about it. But what I lost was the happiness and dreams I had for that baby. I was really happy and excited. I had started daydreaming about holding a baby in December (my due date would've been Dec 10). That's what I'm sad and angry about. All the hopes and dreams that are gone. And I know I can get pregnant again. But I'm scared and worried about our chances, now.

    I think it must be hard for men to understand how personal and individual a pregnancy is. He seemed to get it a little more after I told him all that. It gave him something to think about.

    I hope this helps. And I hope you feel better. Do something nice for yourself, and don't beat yourself up for feeling upset. And TLC is the devil! Go get a pedicure instead of turning it on!


    Me = 38, Husband = 31. TTC since 1/10. M/C at 8 wks 5/10. Started trying again 9/10. All tests normal: AMH/MIS, FSH, HSG, SA. Estradoil high. 6/20/11 - Clomid+Ovidrel+IUI#1=BFN. 7/17/11 - Clomid+IUI#2=BFN. 2 natural cycles = BFN. 10/6/11 - Clomid+Ovidrel+IUI#3=BFN. 10/31/11 - Clomid+Ovidrel+IUI#4 = BFN. 11/26/11 - Follistim+Ovidrel+IUI#5 = BFN. IVF#1 - Menopur+Follistim. 2 ET 5/11/12 = BFN.
  • It's a slow journey to healing for sure.  I think the worst part for me was about 3 weeks out from the MC. I basically laid in a fetal position and bawled for 4 days straight...like could-not-function-bawled. Up until the 3 week mark, I had cried here and there and but it's like I hit this wall and it all came out...And it kept coming. It took about a week after that episode to start fully functioning again and I've been feeling better each day. I hope you get there soon.
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