Depression has me scared

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Hi ladies

I am currently suffering from a strong episode of depression.  I've been a sufferer of depression & anxiety for about 10 years now.  Well, a couple days ago, it hit me like a semi truck.  Thing is, I don't know if this is "regular" depression, or post partum, since LO is already almost 3 months old.

This episode is truly painful, because it is the first one I've experienced since having my baby.  I feel so unlike myself, and I don't want it to affect her, or how I take care of her.

It is also painful because it is making me feel withdrawn from DH, and many of the obsessive thoughts that accompany my depression/anxiety are centered around him.  At times like this I need him the most, and my stupid brain is putting up a wall.

I feel like the floor has dropped from under me, like my heart has deflated.  I'm just suddenly crying, feeling sick, and very sad.  I wish these stupid thoughts would go away.  This is supposed to be the happiest time in my life... and I feel robbed of it by my own self.  This sucks. 

I am currently on meds, but I might to increase the dose (with the help of a doctor of course)... and if so I fear I might have to discontinue EPing cuz I don't want to feed my precious daughter my milk if it's full of meds.  Even that thought makes me feel like a failure.

estrellita68

You are not alone.  I was especially depressed the last trimester and after delivery, it got much worse.  I felt/am feeling very lonely. I gave up BF bc it was also making me feel like a failure bc I did not have enough.  Someone in the hospital told me that if something is keeping you from enjoying this moment,(BF for me), then do not do it.  It took me a while but now I am able to enjoy so much more. Try to talk to your DH and definitely talk to your doctor.  My guess is we all have good and bad days so, Hang in there and it will get better. 

DaisyFull

A) You're not a failure. At all. 

You're not alone. Most like it is post-partum depression; in my birthing class we learned it can hit up to a year after delivery.

Of course you need to talk to your Dr., but please know you are not a failure, at all. You are an amazing Mom and you will get past this. It's just a hiccup; a bump in the road if you will. Big hugs for you.