I know it is technically Saturday, but here is my FFFC

Rory419

I hate my body right now.  Like seriously hate it.  I look at myself and am disgusted, and it scares me.  I had an eating disorder in college that I was in counseling for and was doing really well with over the past couple of years, but I still had bouts with it off and on up until I got pregnant.  While I was pregnant, all these people were really concerned about how I would feel once I started gaining baby weight, but honestly, I LOVED my body then and loved gaining the baby weight.  I never felt better about my body in my life.  I felt so sexy and happy! And then about 2 weeks post-partum, I still felt great because like 20lbs fell off.  But now, almost three months later, I hate it.  And since everyone is now so excited about the baby, I do not think anyone thinks to worry or ask about how I am doing with it now.  It also doesn't help that a friend who is in my circle of friends had a baby two weeks after me and she looks amazing because she is tall and thin and conceals any baby weight well.

 I EBF, so I cannot diet or anything...and I feel hungry all the time so I feel like I am constantly eating crap...I need to freaking exercise, but I am so not motivated, and I tend to associate exercising with my eating disorder too sometimes.  I know there are lots of practical things I can do with eating healthier and excercising, but it does not change how I feel...for the past several years when I have felt like this, I sometimes turned to "my way" of making myself feel better, but now I refuse to do it.  I know my body just did an awesome thing birthing a baby and I would not trade her for the world.  But it is so hard not to be tempted to indulge in my obsessive disordered mind.  I want to make myself throw up so badly sometimes...but I never will because one, I am nursing, and two, I want to be able to tell my daughter someday that I gave that up for her.  I want my daughter to have a mom who was a good example and who was strong enough to withstand temptations to go back into those bad habits.  I never want to give into those behaviors in her lifetime...God knows she will face body image issues in her lifetime, and I do not want to say to her "yeah...I still do that crap...but don't do it to yourself!"  I want to be able to tell her that I beat it.

Anyway, just had to get that out...I am sure someone else out there knows how I am feeling. 

MelBolt

I can absolutely relate. I'm trying to go easy on my body, but it's hard with these extra 25 pounds. I've been exercising and eating well, but the scale won't budge. SO frustrating!!

lesalia217

((hugs))