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Adoption
ok Update
Ok had the call it was very uncomfortable and nerve racking. She new I was calling yet she was out shopping with her girlfriend. While I appreciate a good shopping trip with my girls but man dont you think this is big and would want to spend the undivided attention with the person you want to give your baby to. It was so hard she she had no questions to ask cause she still had not given our profile a look so she new nothing about me. I am always afraid to ask her questions cause i dont want to offend. I sure hope these calls get easier.
Proud Momma of our daughter Charlie!
She found her forever home August 2010
Hope to be the proud momma of #2 in July
This discussion has been closed.
Re: ok Update
wow...I'd be nervous too! I have to say, with reading your comments about her history of kids removed, etc, I am not that surprised by her actions. I received a fosterbaby but her biomom was exactly the way you are describing.
I'm confused though - you're doing domestic adoption and the birthmom chose you but never read your profile??
Don't worry about accidentally giving the birth mom your last name. I did the same thing. I set up an email account specifically to communicate with the birth mom and it didn't indicate our lat names. Then I set that up to forward to my other email account so I could check it on my iPhone. Dumb me responds to one of these emails on my phone, which sent the message from my email address with my full name. Oh well. We live on other ends of the country and I really can't imagine it will matter.
We didn't have any awkward situations with our birth mom, but she was definitely different. I was shocked by her behavior at the hospital. She's 39 years old and after the birth acted like a teenager. She had a very young friend (about 20) with her, and they giggled, cut up, and even "snuck" out of the hospital before she was discharged to go shopping and then came back. I thought it was a really strange and even inappropriate way after giving birth to a child you are placing for adoption. She seemed unphazed and even sort of giddy when signing the documents at the hospital giving us access to the baby and also when she left the hospital and said goodbye to us. I just had to remind myself of two things. First, this woman has had a VERY, VERY different life than me and I can't expect her to behave exactly as I would in every situation. Second, I can't even begin to relate to what she's going through. I don't even know if I would be strong enough to choose adoption for my baby, so who knows how I would act. If acting giddy and giggly helps her cope with the situation, then I just need to respect that she's dealing with the situation the best way she knows how.
I agree that it is strange that the birth mom hasn't even looked at your profile and didn't seem terribly interested on the phone, but maybe being somewhat detached is the only way she can emotionally handle the situation.
I understand why you are confused. When we agree to be shown for this situation we were told it would be an Agency PIck. which if you are not familair with it is usally when a birthmother wants a closed adoption and doesnt want to take part in the process and lets the agency decide who gets the baby.
So we assumed it would be closed. We are not against an open adoption but was just surprised thats all. when we were asked to call her and that she wanted pictures and letters. so what happened was we sent her attorney/agency our profile and they chose us then forwarded it to her to show her who they picked. she was suppose to look at it before we called so she would know a little about us and she did not.
We got to the hospital not even five minutes after she delivered and spent the entire day at the hospital. We were in the birth mom's room until she checked herself out in the afternoon, so we spent many hours in the same room with her. Several times she and her friend said they were going for a walk and disappeared for a long time. She came back acting all giddy and told me they snuck out to shop. I heard the nurses ask her if she was going outside to smoke, and she just told them she was taking a walk. Then they ordered room service steak and a bunch of desserts, ate a giant lunch, and then she checked herself out.
It was definitely not what I was expecting. I thought there would be tears or it at least would be somber when the birth mom was leaving the hospital and the baby. It seemed like she didn't even care and was actually really happy to no longer be pregnant, but only she knows how she really felt.
We all want to (and should, I think) paint adoption as the most wonderful, loving situation; a sacrifice that a birth family makes.
As a teenager, I got pregnant once and kept my daughter. I managed to lie to myself to a point of emotional disconnect. I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant for eight months and never felt a kick, etc. (I'm sure I felt them, but the mind is a powerful tool.)
I got pregnant a second time, and this time I choose adoption, I stayed in a home for pregnant teens, and there were plenty of girls that could not wait until the moment they weren't pregnant. They had very little consideration for their unborn babies, and their focus seemed to be only on the next party they could attend. It was really sad. I'm sure, as mentioned, that this is the way some people cope with all of the emotions surrounding their situation.
When I see such immature behavior, I can only be thankful that they have decided not to raise the child.
Sorry--that got a little long!
As families waiting for a
She told us that she is so happy for us and always called him our son, so I think it's a similar situation as yours. I sent her one email and picture a couple of days ago and she didn't respond. She actually only requested a letter and picture once a year and that's it. I did ask her if it's OK if we send more, and she said it is. I do really hope that she at least communicates with us a few times as he's growing up, especially since I would really like to be able to give him pictures of his bio siblings as they get older. We do have a lot of pictures of his bio siblings at their current age, so I'm very glad that we at least have that.