Family .... *ugh*

carrieannew

I am so frustrated and torn. I know I have vented about this before but really need to get it out again.

My father and his side of the family are old school polish and racist .. sadly.

When I had my daughter at such a young age it took awhile for my dad to come around. My grandmothers only question to me was if I was going to marry my daughters father, when I said no.. that was the end of that relationship.

Well having my son now who is half black, my father can not accept that. And I knew he would not but I wanted to be respectful so while I was pregnant I called him to tell him I was pregnant. It was a very cold conversation basicaly ending with him saying, do you want me to tell you its ok and he could not do that. His wife had already told him about my relationship with my ex and that he was black. *sigh*

Christmas came and my dad sent cards with cash, normally we go to visit him (my family is all in western Mass). But I was not going to go visit and pretend everything was not as it was. He sent my daughter a card with cash, I refused to open mine. My sil opened it and tried to give me the cash but I did not want it. If he was not going to accept his grandson I was not going to use cash he gave me for him.

Well my daughters birthday is Monday, and in the mail yesterday was a card post marked springfield Mass. My daughter saw it before I did. So turns out they still sent her a card with cash.

Ugh. I'm so frustrated because on the one hand its great that they are still sending my daughter a card. But on the other hand its so wrong to me that he is trying to accept one grandchild and not the other. What happens on Logan's birthday, he gets nothing? Yet my daughter still gets a card on hers?

So much more back story but thats the sum of things. Just so hard to think my father does not accept my son, his only grandson. And he will carry down the family name.

germanpickle

That is just messed up. I am so very sorry for this situation and that your family is missing the chance to meet and love one of God's special creatures.

Your feelings are totally justified, but I can imagine that this will only get more and more difficult as your beloved children get older. Have you spoken to someone who could help coach you through the situation? I would highly recommend that you prepare yourself BEFORE your son and daughter start asking specific questions. 

A huge hug and my best wishes for such a difficult situation. 

sapphirebride06

Your son is gorgeous and has the sweetest smile - how could anyone not love him?  I'm a total stranger and my heart melts for him - I could not imagine not being proud as punch we shared a family tie.  I'm so sorry - just hugs are all I can offer.  It sucks that an ultimatum would cause your daughter to lose them but I am sure as years go on she will make the choice herself because I'm sure she loves her brother and will defend him.  I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  Hugs

ErinC27

That is so rough and I am so sorry that all three of you have to deal with them. I wish I could give you some advice, but I have no idea what I would do. Maybe Shelly will have some good tips for you.

carrieannew

Thanks ladies. Its hard because I know over time my dad probably will change and get "somewhat" better. But I dont know that I could trust that in his home both of my children would be loved the same and welcomed. I just cant.

And then I hate the thought of my daughter having to learn of this ignorance. I did try to tell her a week ago not to count on a card from Grandpa but that I would explain better when she was older. Even though I have a feeling she has overheard a few things.

My twin brother now also is in a situation because of it. Honestly him and my father have never been close either. And honestly all the visits and phone calls were because I would initiate them.

My father actually told his wife that his issues with me would not effect his relationship with my brother (his son). She laughed. Because it did.

 

carrieannew

tifanico:

Im sorry you father is doing that. Your son is adorable!!

Do you guys see each other often? Maybe if he has not had much contact with him he hasnt had the chance to bond with him?

I kind of have to deal with skin color stuff everyday, that would be totally opposite situation to yours. DD is white with blue eyes and Im mixed and half of my family is black. 

I really hope with the time he just learns to love that beautiful son of yours. 

Thanks mama! I keep forgetting to thank you again for that khols cash. Logan got a little stuffed monkey blankie thing. He needs to hold things to sleep and he loves it .. Anywho ya the good part is we really only saw my dad 4 or so times a year. My hope is with time I can get past the hurt and open communication again. But I would hurt more if he hurts my kids. I can take my hurt but not theirs.