MIL vent anyone in same boat?

babygirl1704

So MIL is still not talking to us...It's been 4 weeks! She came over once last week unexpectedly and asked my 3month old if she could feed her. She didn't ask me since I was feeding she actually asked my DD. I should have waited and when she asked me I should have said "I dont know I am waiting for Paige to respond." she really gets under my skin. She didnt say anything to DH or me. Found out by my FIL that he had to "force" her to come over!! SO now DH wants me to email her and let her know how we feel since she won't talk to us. What a shame she is taking a fight that DH and her had out on her granddaughter. I am afraid that if we email her she is not going to like what we say and its really going to ruin our relationship with her. But if we dont all these issues with her will just keep resurfacing. AHH what to do!

kate1011

I think that a lot of time in email or any sort of text it's hard to read tone and things may be taken out of context.  IMO you should call her or have the talk in person. 

It also sounds pretty immature of her to come over and talk only to your DD and not you or your DH.

I don't remember what the problem stemmed from, but why does DH want you to communicate with her and not handle the problem himself?

Lucky Polka Dot

kate1011:

I think that a lot of time in email or any sort of text it's hard to read tone and things may be taken out of context.  IMO you should call her or have the talk in person. 

It also sounds pretty immature of her to come over and talk only to your DD and not you or your DH.

I don't remember what the problem stemmed from, but why does DH want you to communicate with her and not handle the problem himself?

i agree. confronting issues through e-mail usually doesn't turn out well.

trapani2be

One thing that really stuck with me from my marriage prep course years ago was when the preist told us that if there were issues with your family you should be the one to start the communication not your spouse, if possible.  He also said to use phrases like "my wife and I feel that" so that they realize that you are together on the issues.

babygirl1704

All of this is basically because of me I guess... so DH says..

She was lecturing me all the time on how to raise DD and I just got fed up with it and he was sick of me complaining about her so he called her one day and tried talking to her to let her know how I felt and she flipped on him and that was it. I wish my DH would stand up for me more but he has always been and will always be a mommys boy! So I guess I will just have to wait for her to break the ice. DD's baptism is on Father's day so hopefully by then things will be fine. I still think it's shi*tty that she  is taking all of this out on DD.

akl0506

Your DH needs to grow up.  You are his family now.  His mom is really extended family since he now has his own immediate family.  Since he is the one who worded things in such a manner as to make him mom mad, he needs to suck it up and talk to her.  Perhaps he could apologize to her for how he spoke to her/addressed the problem, but let her know (kindly) tha the constant parenting commentary is really challenging for you to deal with.  You are doing the best you can, but everyone is a first time parent once.  And, things are different than they were 30 years ago and recommendations change (if that's the issue).  But, if you need help, you will certainly call her and ask her opinion or experience on an issue. 

DH needs to make it clear that you want her to be part of DD's life and that you all need to act like adults.  How dumb when family members just stop talking to one another over such silly little issues.  How would he or she feel if one died tomorrow in a car crash and they weren't talking for 1 month of precious DD's life b/c of some silly argument? 

SoldiersGreenBean

babygirl1704:

he called her to let her know how I felt

Why didn't he call her to tell her to stop belittling his wife?  You have a big DH problem here.  He's not on your side - otherwise it would have been a different conversation.