Not inviting kids - wording on invites?

puterbaby

So, my mom would like to mention that no children are invited to my shower.  She is paying for the location and food, so she would like to keep the guest list to just the people invited.  This would seem obvious to most people that recognize basic social ettiquette, but my sister in law is not one of those people.  She believes her children are allowed everywhere, regardless of who an invitation is addressed to.  How do we word on the invitation that children are not allowed, without offending the people that already know that, but making people like my sister in law realize she has to leave the kids home?  

MrsFallBride

Have mom call SIL and tell her no kids...to put it on the invite would be rude to others if it is directly meant for her.

chris5olson

you can say adults only i have been to a few like that. 

One option for an adults only shower is to provide child care in another room or a nearby location for those parents that do not have alternate child care. you need to be flexible tho bc it may not be practical to expect a newborn infant to be left in child care.

 just a thought

TulipsAndChampagne

Why can't the "adults only" note only be included on her invite? Will she be comparing other people's invitations with her own? Or...if she shows up with the kids, let HER order and pay for her kids food and deal with the awkwardness of her children not having a place to sit.

RoxyLynn

TulipsAndChampagne:

Why can't the "adults only" note only be included on her invite? Will she be comparing other people's invitations with her own? Or...if she shows up with the kids, let HER order and pay for her kids food and deal with the awkwardness of her children not having a place to sit.

I agree with just putting it on her invitation if she's the only one rude enough to bring her kids.

The problem with having her "deal with the awkwardness of her children not having a place to sit" is that it's YOUR shower that's ruined because of her bringing her kids.  Her day goes on as planned.

hopefulmom

I would just say "adult shower" or due to space limitations the shower will only include adults.

My DD puts that on many of her invites (evening Christmas parties, etc).  It has never caused any awkwardness either.

pam1005

hopefulmom:

I would just say "adult shower" or due to space limitations the shower will only include adults.

This.  I don't think it is rude to say adults only.  Sometimes space and funds are limited and people should understand that.  If they can't find a babysitter, then they just will have to decline.  I have been to plenty of adult only showers at a restaurants and no one has had a problem with it. 

EastCoastBride

chris5olson:

One option for an adults only shower is to provide child care in another room or a nearby location for those parents that do not have alternate child care. you need to be flexible tho bc it may not be practical to expect a newborn infant to be left in child care.

 just a thought

First, who said anything about an infant?  Second, what is it about a baby shower that means childcare has to be offered?  It's like ANY other "adult only" event that people are invited too.  If people w/ kids can't get childcare, then they politely decline. 

To the OP- either put it on her invite only, or have your mom call her and tell her directly that this is an adults only event.

RoxyLynn

chris5olson:

you need to be flexible tho bc it may not be practical to expect a newborn infant to be left in child care.

 just a thought

No, the mother needs to decline the invitation if she can not leave her infant. 

megdrew1218

I have one I'm invited to that says "A special day to relax and get away from the kids and have fun with just the girls!" I assume this is along the same lines as saying "adults only" but in a cutesy way.

puterbaby

It's not an infant, and providing daycare at the restaurant we booked is not a reality.  She has a 4yr old and a 16yr old that she would bring with her, and possibly her 2yr old granddaughter.  Her other two children don't live with her, so they would not come.  I would think that the 16yr old could watch the little ones at home, but my sister in law, like I said before, thinks they are welcome wherever she goes.  I think we might just put "adults only" on her invitation.  She's my husband's sister, so my mom calling her is not an option, as they do not have a comfort level with each other.  Thank you all for your input!

K.a.T.e

Speak with your sister in law directly ... don't put on invite. 

Another way around this is when people RSVP to your mom she shares that the invite was just for the intended "unfortunately due to space restrictions we can't allow children at this event" or something to that nature. 

CrazyToast

hopefulmom:

I would just say "adult shower" or due to space limitations the shower will only include adults.

My DD puts that on many of her invites (evening Christmas parties, etc).  It has never caused any awkwardness either.

Just say "Adult shower" and it will be HOPEFULLY clear.  

We had "Adult Reception to follow" on our wedding invites and everyone got the message.

allip504

I would not put something on the invite just b/c one person is too dense to see that the only person invited is the one whose name is on the invite.  Some people view it as tacky, and I wouldn't want to risk looking tacky b/c of one clueless person.  Someone just needs to call her and tell her it is adult only.

mhazel1204

puterbaby:

This would seem obvious to most people that recognize basic social ettiquette, but my sister in law is not one of those people.  She believes her children are allowed everywhere, regardless of who an invitation is addressed to 

This is my sister in law! I said no kids at our wedding and she brought her daughter anyway! Now she has three kids and has informed me that they will be coming with her to my shower. WTF? It's three hours, I'd pay for the sitter myself! Good luck to you!

CourtneyR2N

hopefulmom:

I would just say "adult shower" or due to space limitations the shower will only include adults.

I think this is perfect.  My cousin did this for her wedding reception, and I wasn't offended until she said ... and I quote "There aren't any kids in the wedding, there aren't any kids at the wedding and there won't be any at the reception, I just don't like kids that much"

Msdivak87

How is it tacky to put it on the invites? Ive been to plenty of showers/weddings/etc. that state Adults only or in some fancy way telling that there are only adults. However dont put this "There may be alcohol served, so adults only please." If I cant drink you aint drinking at my shower!! lol better get some punch! haha Good Luck..If shes just being a B##@# just tell her not to come shell get over it the 16 yr is old enough to be home alone and babysit!

chris5olson

EastCoastBride:

chris5olson:

One option for an adults only shower is to provide child care in another room or a nearby location for those parents that do not have alternate child care. you need to be flexible tho bc it may not be practical to expect a newborn infant to be left in child care.

 just a thought

First, who said anything about an infant?  Second, what is it about a baby shower that means childcare has to be offered?  It's like ANY other "adult only" event that people are invited too.  If people w/ kids can't get childcare, then they politely decline. 

To the OP- either put it on her invite only, or have your mom call her and tell her directly that this is an adults only event.

lol jump down my throat why dont ya, she asked options, i know a lady who is very into etiquette, so i asked her this was a suggestion from her.  jeeze.  i didnt say omg you have to have a daycare, i said just a thought.

chris5olson

RoxyLynn:

chris5olson:

you need to be flexible tho bc it may not be practical to expect a newborn infant to be left in child care.

 just a thought

No, the mother needs to decline the invitation if she can not leave her infant. 

 if its a newborn infant and i was having an adults only shower a newbon would not bother me. and it says just a thought,

arpetree1

I dont think it is rude to put No Children on the invite. My cousin put it on my bridal shower invite. Some people will be rude anyway and bring their kids. Someone brought their child to my shower...:( Changed the mood totally. There was alcohol there. 

NewFamily09

Good for her for putting her foot down.  One of my pet peeves is people bringing children where it's not appropriate for them to be.  And I think it should be a rule that the only baby at a shower should be in the mommy's belly.  If there are just a few people who will try to bring kids, then maybe it is a good idea to talk to them specifically, especially since if they are the types to bring kids to a shower, I bet they are the type to read "no kids invited" and think "that doesn't apply to me" and bring them anyway.  If your mom really doesn't want them to come, talking directly to the moms is probably the most effective and polite way.

Apalz23

on the invites just put the name of who the invite is to

ex

Mrs J Doe

123 main street

brookyln, ny 11231 dont put and family

mrschahbar

I would be cautious about putting "Adults only" on ONLY your SILs invitation. More women think its acceptable to bring kids to baby showers than bridal showers and it would be very ackward if other people brought kids to your shower if she got an invitation saying adults only.

I don't think there is any problem asking for adults only on the invitations.

marathonjunkie

puterbaby:

It's not an infant, and providing daycare at the restaurant we booked is not a reality.  She has a 4yr old and a 16yr old that she would bring with her, and possibly her 2yr old granddaughter.  Her other two children don't live with her, so they would not come.  I would think that the 16yr old could watch the little ones at home, but my sister in law, like I said before, thinks they are welcome wherever she goes.  I think we might just put "adults only" on her invitation.  She's my husband's sister, so my mom calling her is not an option, as they do not have a comfort level with each other.  Thank you all for your input!

Um, a 16 yo? Cut the cord, lady, it's time.