SP Poll: Non-clicky

achase123

Since I am bored at work I thought I would get a random poll going. 

What's the main relationship advice that you plan to follow for your next relationship (or if you are already in a relationship, what advice are you following/what are you trying to do different this time around)?

Mine is based on the Oprah show that I finally watched about abusive relationships.  It is GO with your first instinct.  When you feel it: follow it!  Don't try to rationalize your way into something.  Usually our initial reaction is the correct one. 

And Go!

PrincessFiona9

I agree with this. My advice to myself is NO MORE SECOND (and more) CHANCES. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

kjh44

My dad always said when someone is moody the reason is either; hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.  When moodiness occurs, I plan on figuring out what the underlying issue is with me or SO and fixing the problem before the fight gets worse.   

mrgn

I really like what you said.

My main focus is A and school. So, a relationship is going to only happen if it goes SLOW. SLOW. SLOW. I want to know the person I am seeing, not find out after they do something terrible.

GLynn2009

I asked a lot more questions and did not assume that things would work out. I am pretty bunt about money and relationships now.

blondnearby

I have two things.  One, is never sacrifice my long term goals for a relationship.  If its going to happen, it will happen later as well.  Second, I refuse to marry someone who isn't my best friend.  I approach relationships now as friendships.  If the friendship has the potential to grow then so does the relationship.  Despite all of the crap that happened in my marriage, I feel the biggest underlying problem was I didn't marry my best friend.  As soon as things got tough (my DD#1s illness and the chemo and all that jazz), we couldn't give each other what we needed emotionally because we didn't know each other.

ErinC27

I am going to spend more time getting to know the person, and not who I want the person to be. I imagined STBXH as someone much better than he was, so I glossed over all the huge indicators of who he really is. 

inbetween

My biggest thing will be about communication. H and I could talk all day long, but if it came to talking about money, he didn't want any part of it. He acted as if all of our problems would go away by ignoring it, and it never does.

If you can't be honest with me about bills/money we don't need to be together!

r9stedt

If you don't have fun with your SO, don't marry the damn person.   I will thoroughly enjoy my next spouse.   It was hard to drag through a conversation some days with my ex... amongst other issues.

 

And, don't let anyone tell you "you can't" because, damn it, I can! 

alibabbbs

#1. SEE the person for who he is. (For some reason, this is really hard for me. I tend to see only what I want to.)

#2. Make sure he is a grown up, e.g., takes responsibility for things, has a good job, hobbies, passions, friends...

Cytina

Physical and mental attraction are just as important as everything else - I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't turn me on in AND out of bed.  I'm not looking for a genius or anything, but he has to have common sense and some book smarts - we have to be able to have a good conversation about more than just what we watch on TV.  Also, if the sexual attraction starts to wane early on, that's a red flag for me - I need to not ignore that in the future! 

I also need to be less rigid with some things.  It can't always be my way.  That's a huge flaw of mine.