Husbands who work long hours

jpustej

My husband works in construction, so he leaves at about 5:45 in the morning, and doesn't get home until 4:15-4:45 most days. So most days, he works 10 1/2 - 11 hours,  but occasionally, like tonight, he has been gone for almost 15 hours, and it was almost that long yesterday.  I know that my job is a stay at home mom to our three kids ages 5,3,1, but I get just exhausted at the end of the day and snappy. My friend whose husband is in the same business never breaks a sweat, it seems, and she has two kids with one on the way.  She feels that because it is her job, she is used to it and just deals with it. Is it normal to get snappy, even when they are being good? Or should I just give myself quite time and come out with a recharged attitude?

goodheartedmommy

I have a really hard time believing that someone never gets flustered. What you're feeling and experiencing is completely normal, SAHM or not. I'm not saying that makes it right, but we all lose our patience or feel frustrated at the end of some days (or all days). It's my job to care for my children, too, but it doesn't mean there aren't days where it's REALLY, REALLY hard on me. I still love staying home, but it's hard as hell.

Bellisimo

YES, I get pissy towards the end of the day!  MH works 10 hour shifts with a 30 min commute to and from the hospital.  Some of his shifts are overnight, some are early mornings/days and some he doesn't get home until 2 a.m.  On the nights that he gets home at 8 or 9 I'm about ready to hand him a kid as he walks in the door!  Yes, I choose to SAH, but d@mn, SAHMs need a break too!  A pee break, a lunch break, a smoke break or whatever your fancy...but a break nonetheless!  This is why I drink several nights out of the week after say 4 pm.  I'm about to come unglued by then when MH has been working tons!  I feel your pain, sista!

sooosie

I'm not a SAHM but my DH does work a lot.  Hell, some days I find it hard to tolerate the 4 measly hours I spend with the kids after work.  For me, it's because I work FT and come straight home - and the kids are at kind of a hard age right now where they pretty much won't leave me alone for 2 seconds.

I give tons of credit to SAHM's - I couldn't do it I don't think.

lsufan

I'd try not to compare yourself to your friends.  For one thing, you're probably not with her 24/7, so she may have stressful moments that you don't see.

For me, irritability (with the kids and with DH) was part of the bigger problem of PPD.  And yes, it was exacerbated by being with all three kids on my own all the time.  And the sleep deprivation didn't help, either.  When I talked to my OB, he was a little skeptical and indicated that it was just part of having little kids.  I just felt that if there was a way to keep me from being angry and anxious all the time, I wanted to try it.  So he prescribed Paxil, and it has really, really helped.  I don't snap as quickly when things start to get crazy around here.  I'm just a much more calm person all around.

I hope things get better for you.  It IS hard getting no help when you have three little kids, so don't beat yourself up for getting snappy. 

AggieCouple

More than normal, even with a husband with a more 9-5 job.

I think a part of our frustration as SAHM's is that we tend to overbook ourselves.  When I first became a SAHM, I learned the key to keeping my sanity was to set very very very very low expectations.

 As in, two loads of laundry a day, max.  Very minor cleaning except on certain days.  I tried to always schedule one major chore/event a day, two at the most.  So on days I took them to the library, I did not do laundry.  On days I did a big meal, I did NO other chores.  On days I cleaned the bathrooms, 30 minute meal or leftovers.  Etc.  I think if you tried to do laundry, clean, cook a 4 course balanced meal, do all the activities, all on the same day... you'd naturally self-destruct.  Even with my slow pace, life continued pretty well, and the kids were actually probably happier (if messier/dirtier).    

JOEBunny

I get tired.  I am just physically worn out some days.  We are always doing things, going to the pool (indoor), the park, the zoo, other kids activities, seeing friends, ect.  We are not just sitting at home.  When we are home, I have a lot to do, so I might not sit down for an hour.  DH walks in, kids are in bed, dinner is ready, I am on the computer and he is like, why didn't you pick up.  I did, 5 times, this is just the mess they made in the last hour.  I can lose my cool then :-)

It is hard to be alone all day with little kids.

DevonPow

DH works in finance. He leaves before DS gets up in the morning (7:30 AM) and get home after DS is in bed, So, weekdays I get zero help from DH. He also works on the weekends frequently - usually going into the office at least one day. Don't even get me started on Blackberry time. It is an instrument of the devil, LOL.

Anyway, at this point I am used to it, since it has always been this way and I don't really know anything different with DS. I definitely get burned out, but I make sure I do things that give me "me" time. I go to the gym  3-4 days a week (DS goes to the daycare their) and DS goes to "school" 2 days a week (before he did that, we had a nanny one day a week to help me out). That helps a LOT. We have no family in state, so if I didn;t have that time I would go insane.

We also make sure that we do things to reconnect as a family as much as possible. DH had a particularly brutal last 2 months, and it just slowed down, so we took the opportunity to take a last minute family vacation the past 4 days. It is also really important that DH be as "present" as he can when he is home with DS.

wildfloweragain

I have days where I feel like that, and I'm not a SAHM.  I'm on maternity leave that ends this week.  DH is gone 12 hours a day right now, 5 days a week, and can't help at night or on the weekends because he is in a recruit training program for 17 weeks.  Before that he was on 24 hour shifts - two to four a week, but helped whenever he was home.

 

It does help me to know that when he was laid off for 3 months, he helped out a TON.  I guess I always hoped he'd help like that if only he could but it's good to know he actually did.

 

I just keep thinking we have to get through it, but I get snippy and resentful on some days, even though we knew this was how it was going to be.