I am due in July with my 1st and my DH and I have made the decision to BF. Obviously, I have never BF before and realize it could be diffecult. Recently my MIL made the comment that she had some formula for me (came in the mail? kinda gross?) but I reinterated that we planned to exclusively BF when the baby gets here and did not need mail ordered formula. She was exasparated and said "oh and what are going you going to do when you dont make enough milk? just let the baby starve and cry?" I was so horrified at her insults and disrespect that I didnt know what to say. How can I handle people including MIL when they are discouraging and tell me their horror BF stories? Is there any advice anyone can give me to prevent trouble BF? Do most people supplement with formula? i thought I read that if you supplement than you risk your milk supply lessening, is this true? Sorry if this is not the right board to post my vent on but I needed some advice from moms that maybe have been here and are successfully BF.
Re: Discouraged about decision to BF...any advice?
Just tell her and everyone else who says something negative that it is you and your husband's decision to provide the best you can for your baby. I kind of felt this way when I would tell people I planned to BF and they would tell me horror stories, or how horrible it was to pump when going back to work, etc. It is YOUR decision, and it is best for YOUR baby. Ignore the comments, and enjoy it because it is a wonderful experience once you get used to it. And no, I do not supplement with formula at all. (I had to in the beginning because my LO was early, but once my milk came it, it REALLY came in!) Just keep up with it, and try not to get discouraged. See if your hospital has support groups...those are kind of fun because you can get out of the house, and meet other BFing women!
You have to ignore her. Most women make enough milk. It is true that if you supplement with formula you could possibly have supply problems. BF is about supply and demand - you make as much as the baby drinks. That said, DS had some hydration issues before my milk came in and I BFed him, then supplemented with a little formula for a few days - under the instructions of an LC and my pediatrician. Knock on wood - I have never had any supply issues.
I would recommend taking a BF class before the baby is born, if possible. Try to meet with a lactation consultant (LC) at the hospital and/or make sure you ask the nurses for help in the beginning. BF your baby pretty much right after you're stitched up in the delivery room. Try to find friends who have BFed successfully and have them as your support group. If you have trouble after you've come home from the hospital talk to your pedi, an LC, or the La Leche League (check them out online). My pedi is really supportive of BFing which is nice.
I understand how it is frustrating b/c my MIL always said I should give DS formula and that he wouldn't gain enough weight if I didn't. She was really, really insistent and annoying about it in the beginning, but she shut up quickly as DS grew to the 90th percentile in weight. She still occasionally asks me if I give him formula, to which I respond, "breast is best, and my goal is to BF for a year." My mother BFed me, so she was a great support system, and I knew that breast really is best, and anyone trying to push formula on me is uneducated. Hopefully you will become confident enough in your decision to ignore any critics, and not pay them any mind. I certainly don't - they're wrong!!!! GL.
Formula in the mail is really not that strange, most formula companies will send samples (often in the form of full sized cans) to any mom who signs up on their website. Just to ease your mind on that front.
The real issue is that your MIL was brought up in a society that was told that NO mom could make enough milk for their child, she was told that formula was BETTER than breastmilk and was probably also taught that breastfeeding was gross or unnatural (ridiculous huh?). That is just part of the generation she grew up in and you are either going to have to agree to disagree with her, or try to educate her. If you go the education route you might try making an appointment with an LC prior to your child's birth and asking her to come with you or take her with you to a local LLL meeting. Personally, I would just ignore her and agree to disagree!
VERY VERY VERY few women have real supply problems. The fact is that breastfeeding can be work. You are going to have to get the baby to latch correctly, your nipples are going to have to get used to breastfeeding (which means there is going to be some discomfort), there are going to be times you wonder if you have enough milk because little one is attached to you constantly (it's called cluster feeding and it's totally normal through growth spurts especially), and there are going to be days where you are exhausted from overnight feedings.
What is also very true is that you can do it, and breastfeeding is best for both baby AND mommy.
Everyone is different. With my DD, I did supplement at various times. She was SFGA and IUGR. She could not leave the hospital without being supplemented. She was at various times Failure to Thrive and required higher calorie formula than BF could provide. I BF her primarily for 1 year, but she got pumped milk and/or formula in various quanities from birth to 2 months and then again from about 8 months to 1 year and a few other times in between.
My DS latched right on and had nothing but BM, not even water, until he was 14 months.
I would just tell people like that, "We will see." I know a lot of older people, like my moms age who thought they didn't have milk because it didn't come in immediately, not realizing it takes 3 to 6 days. Since they thought they did not have it, they never nursed enough to get it, so they, "didn't have any milk."
Please please please listen to these ladies. I know how frustrating it can be when you feel you are alone standing up for what you feel is right as a parent.
Just remember - if women didn't make enough milk, none of us would be here. Our species would have died out. I'm sure the cave women, Mary the mother of Jesus, and your great great great grandmother didn't have Similac.
Meet with an LC and educate yourself as much as you can. The ladies on this board are an awesome wealth of knowledge.
so true :-)
Sorry that not every one around you is supportive of your decision, but if you and DH are on the same page, then you'll just have to ignore any negative input! You can do it!
Some women do supplement, but most don't have to. Drew's never had any formula and he's thriving. The first few weeks of BFing can be tough, but just take one day at a time and remember why you chose it in the first place!
A few pieces of advice
i am a first time mom with a two month old who really struggled with bfing so i know the feeling
1 - IGNORE THE CRITICS - you CAN do it
2 - be sure to get a good breast pump - easier to bf if you dont feel chained to the baby and it's amazing for boosting supply
3 - any major issues - see a lactation consultant. made a world of difference for me
I agree with everyone. It's hard, but you CAN do it! You just have to be very strong and make sure you have a strong support system (I guess not your MIL... but maybe your DH and friends). You need a cheerleader because there will be times when you will feel like giving up.
In the beginning, you nurse pretty much all day long. It's NORMAL. You will make enough milk if you nurse your baby enough. Keep him/her on the boob for as long as he/she likes!
Also, if you have ANY issues - call a LC immediately!! They are the experts...don't listen to family or friends who don't know what they are talking about!
I'm sorry that your MIL said that to you. As PPs have said, BF is a lot of work and it is painful in the beginning. One of the most frustrating things I heard was - "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong". This is absolutely not true *in the beginning*. My nips hurt for a good two weeks & my letdown was toe-curling painful for the first two days after my milk came in. My milk didn't come in for 4 days & my LO lost almost 10% of his birth weight. I was lucky enough to have support & people tell me that all of this is NORMAL & TEMPORARY.
I tell you this because I don't want you to get discouraged or feel like you're doing something wrong (or have your MIL tell you that you should give up) - these things are all normal. Gelpads were heaven that first week. Use all the help you can get in the hospital - the nurses and LCs were so helpful in the beginning (my LO was early & had some latching issues). Don't hesitate to ask, that's what they're there for.
Personally, I find BFing incredibly rewarding & I'm so glad I EBF. WHen LO sucks, they are signalling your body to produce more BM, it's a supply & demand thing. I do pump (mostly to relieve engorgement as I have slight oversupply problems) & DH has given DS a bottle starting at 4 weeks. DS went from 6lbs (he was early) to 9+lbs at his 1 mo appt.
Good Luck! You can do it!
OMG - becoming a new mommy is stressful enough w/out wacky MILs like that.
Yes, bfing can be challenging for some but for others, it can go really smoothly. It's just something not to worry about until the time comes. And no, I don't think most people do have to supplement w/ formula. I did w/ my twins boys (makes sense) but have had no problem making enough for my new little one.
good luck!
You've gotten great advice, so ditto all the PPs. Also, b/c you and DH are clearly on the same page with BFing, I'd make sure he knows how his mom spoke to you. He needs to be willing to talk to her if she continues to dish out that kind of crap.
Most people who are trying to BF do NOT supplement with formula. Be sure to interview pedis now and find one that is supportive of bfing. Some will push formula at the first sign of anything just b/c they're not big on bfing. Avoid those pedis like the plague. GL!
as someone who had to supplement at first i would accept it (we had free sample in the mail from companies). We had to supplement b/c it took 2 wks for my milk to come in and it was still low. (during that time we worked with a LC) So we had to supplement. It turned out that i had a bit of placenta still in there so that most likey caused the problem.
You never know what will happen, so i would accept it, and if you dont need it fine, if you do then you will have it and wont have to run to the store at 2am after coming home from the hospital b/c you had to have the baby checked to make sure LO isnt dehydrated.
It is not necessarily a bad idea to have some formula on hand just in case. BUT there is no reason to automatically supplement.
If my MIL had said that I would tell her this is my child and I will feed LO however I see fit with the advice of medical professionals. I think one of the best ways to stick with bf'ing is to be determined to do it no matter what others say. It can be frustrating but it sounds like your DH is on board and supportive and (presumably) he will be the one that is around the most. And this board is very helpful and supportive. GL!
When people would share their negative thoughts, I would try and educate them. Also I really didn't worry about what other people thought/said. Eventually they realized that I didn't care what they said, so they stopped!
People like your MIL are just uneducated when it comes to BFing. I love when they say that babies who are BF are "starved". No one ever said that to me because my babies were always in the 95+ %ile for weight. DD at 2 months was 98%. Now at 4 months I'm sure she's the same (will find out Monday) because she's chunky and has lots of rolls!
The person who matters the most is your DH. Mine was a bit on the fence about me BFing our first child, but he knew how much it meant to me. After awhile he became such a proponent of BFing and is still with our DD.
I think I would tell the MIL... (once I got myself calmed down)
"Obviously you are concerned about the baby and want to be helpful... and I really appreciate that. I'm sure you are aware that the AAP and the WHO strongly advise babies to be breastfed exclusively for the first six months of their life, but you may not understand the reasons why a mother would want to avoid using formula and you may feel that offering me formula is the only way that you can be helpful. I really appreciate your offer and understand it's coming from love and concern- but your lack of faith in my ability to breastfeed my baby is very hurtful when I really NEED you to be supportive- your encouragement and a positive attitude will do more to help me than a can of formula ever will. I think one of the best ways that the two of use can be better prepared to make sure that this baby gets the very best start in life- is if you would accompany me to a LLL meeting before the baby is born- we can probably get a lot of our questions answered. There is a meeting coming up on ______________ morning, and maybe we could go out to lunch/shopping afterward. "
https://www.llli.org/WebUS.html
Here's my 2 cents:
BFing can be hard but for some, it's pretty easy and straightforward.
I was pretty naive. I didn't know anyone who had breastfed so I had no background, nothing.
I knew I would BF but i had no idea what it took. I just assumed it would happen and that it might hurt, but didn't know how much and for how long
As soon as I got back from the hospital, I ordered two books that I still refer to all the time: The Nursing Mother's Companion and Breastfeeding Made Simple. Both eased my worries and concerns, and I wish I had read them ahead of time.
I feel pretty confident in my knowledge about BFing and when people make comments like your MIL's I feel pretty confident in my reply.
So, in short, if you can and are interested, try to squeeze in a book on BFing so you can gain that confidence; stick to this board, which has been immensely helpful and everyone is supportive, and always remember that you just have to do what is best for your baby, whatever that may be.
I hope everything goes smoothly for you!