Those lurking from other boards please come in!

SWMcFarland

First, thank you very much for expressing support and concern for one of your (and now our!!) fellow mommies.  The NICU experience is best described as a rollercoaster, and usually not a gentle one!!  Every bit of good vibes, thoughts and prayers, etc. is greatly appreciated!

That said, our group has been presented with just about every sort of challenge and difficulty out there.  We have also experienced many great joys for our babies and extreme grief and sadness at our babies lost.

Unfortunately, sometimes people really don't know the right things to say and don't realize just how hurtful their words are.  Please understand--the ladies on this board have been through so much--the last thing they need is to be faces with any sort of drama, as we have enough in our real lives.  And unlike many other boards, this is a place for support.  Please help respect our board and our moms--drama is not welcome here!

magdalina.h

I'm sorry that my response created some drama. 

SWMcFarland

It wasn't your response I was speaking of!  I think sometimes people think the bump is 100% snarky and that nothing is off limits, but the MC/PL board and the Preemie board are, at least in my opinion, sacred.  You did nothing wrong.  This is your board too and you are 100% welcome--you are a preemie mom too!

I think we constantly deal with inppropriate comments IRL that it is just hard when folks don't realize this is the only place we have to be just a bit "normal."

I know you get what I'm saying!!  :-)

mommamorris

totally with you guys...(and i understood exactly what you meant in your response!) this board is a "safe place" for us... it has to be a haven.

i totally don't mind people from all walks of preemie-dom coming here for support/advice/venting or people coming to ask questions for friends or family... but this is not the place for non-preemie lurkers to be posting opinions.  

magdalina.h

I do get it, I just felt bad that I couldn't keep my comment to myself.  I normally do, but I just couldn't today. It really hit a nerve.

Nikki1007

magdalina.h:

I do get it, I just felt bad that I couldn't keep my comment to myself.  I normally do, but I just couldn't today. It really hit a nerve.

Sweetie I totally understand and feel the same way you do.  All the positive thoughts in the world could not have saved my baby boy.  People have no idea how the things they say can effect us.  

Oct08bridge

magdalina.h:

I do get it, I just felt bad that I couldn't keep my comment to myself.  I normally do, but I just couldn't today. It really hit a nerve.

I don't think you have anything to apologize for. The comment was so random and weird.

At1stsight

Hugs to everyone. While my DS is doing well, I was with my BFF when she lost her preemie son after 3 beautiful days of life just 8 mo. before DS was born, and I witnessed so much ridiculousness from other people while she was struggling with her loss that this stuff is very near and dear to my heart as well. You are all amazing moms.

ijack

Maggie, you have NOTHING to apologize for. As I said to you earlier the comment that was made was not necessary and doesn't reflect the attitude of this board.

TriciaJoy

Maggie- I, personally, am glad you spoke up. I'm sure the OP didn't mean any harm, but it is exactly that kind of commentary that is like a twist of the knife in the hearts of so many of us.

ijack

And to all the lurkers. We're glad to be here to educate you about what having a preemie is all about, but please don't try and give us advice. Unfortunately we live in a world where you don't understand until you've been here and comments about what causes prematurity or how to ensure our child will live are not helpful. We're also very sensitive right now because a member of the board recently lost her 20 month old son and we're all very angry and sad.

justme04

Some things that mom's who have never had a preemie say really irritate me.  Like a woman two weeks away from being full term and with a completly healthy pregnancy hoping her doctor induces her early because she is majorly uncomfortable.  Like when a friend of my family's wife was 2 weeks away from 37 weeks and was saying she really hoped her doctor would just go ahead and induce her (for her 2nd child) because she was really uncomfortable and I tried to calmly say that no one should wish their child to come early and that they should be greatful for every day they are able to carry their child.  She got really offended and misunderstood where I was coming from thinking I thought she should suffer (even if i might have thought her pain wasnt worth complaining about, she is such a complainer and exagerats).  I just meant she didnt understand how much more she'd suffer if she had to watch her child in the NICU (if they determined a stay necessary)  but oh well. I didnt like her much anyway!  Just tried to explain my experiance as the mother of a premie to her to make her greatful she was able to continue with her pregnancy.

AviatorJJ

well said!

LWilli35

This is why I love you girls!

Sweets2005

This was very well written.

SWMcFarland

magdalina.h:

I do get it, I just felt bad that I couldn't keep my comment to myself.  I normally do, but I just couldn't today. It really hit a nerve.

Mags, you just beat me to it, that's all.  I am outraged by such an assinie thing to be said, and I'm sorry you had to see it.  I try to patrol this board and ward off that kind of stuff because it IS a haven for so many.  I am sickened and sad that you and the others who have been dealt that hand had to see that kind of insensitivity on THIS board. 

Bottom line--this board is our safe spot and I'll be damned if I let some lurkers who should feel priviliged they haven't had to join our club spoil it.