never love again?

taylorsue00

now that I'm having a daughter, i can't imagine ever bringing a man into her life. her daddy wants nothing to do with her (till she is older, he said). and that sounds so shitty to me.

but is their love after a child? i mean there is no way i will bring a man home to meet my daughter unless i know he is the one. i don't want men in and out of her life. my parents were seperated and have since had bf/gfs and remarried, and all ended up in divorce. just more people in and out of my life. i do not want that for my daughter.

i just can't see myself WANTING to date till she is out of the house. i don't want her to be disappointed by another man. i feel like i did her wrong by falling for such a piece of Sh!t man (her dad). i never thought it would have ended the way it did. when i first got pregnant he was SOOO excited he was soooo good to me. than at 8 weeks pregnant his crazy side kicked in, he got abusive mentaly, physically, so i left him. he begged for me to stay and that he wanted his daughter SOOO BAD. but after i was gone for a week, he was back with his ex gf and could care less about LO.

i honestly feel in a way i ruined LO's future by not having a dad in her life. she will have the most supportive family who alll love her and excited for her. my dad couldn't be happier to have her in his life, i know he will end up being her father figure, he is a wonderful man. but i'm sure it is not the same as having your father there.

and so it is known i am NOT worried about finding another man or focusing on that. i am just venting, my focus in life is my daughter. i was just thinking that i can't see me in another relationship for the sake of LO.

 

alibabbbs

The last thing in the world I can imagine is dating at all, much less bringing a man home to meet DS or god forbid remarrying. However, I often feel as though I have an obligation to DS to model a healthy relationship for him. He'll be better off as an adult in his own relationship if he had it modeled for him as a child. I can't imagine ever being ready to date and wouldn't consider it until I finish breast feeding, but I'm going to try to get myself there eventually.

mrgn

I felt EXACTLY the same way. I thought I wouldn't care about dating, or men, or love, or a "family unit" beyond DD and I. But once she was here, I realized that she deserved a happy mommy. I want to date because it makes me feel good. Eventually I do want a husband and more children. DD is my priority, but I can't take care of her if I don't take care of me.

At first, when your DD is here, you will feel so tired and so emotional that you won't give dating a second thought. Once you get into the swing of life again, you'll start to feel more and more like yourself. I made it a point to wear make up, dress as cute as I could, even if I wasn't going out. I'd say around.... 5-6 weeks PP, I had a day where I said, "I feel like myself,"  out loud.  Since then, I've found myself again and also the desire to date.

It may take you a different amount of time than it took me. But I'm certain you'll get there!

At this point, I'm not ready to maintain a serious relationship. But it feels good to put myself out there and go on a date or two, flirt a little. 

alibabbbs

mrgn:

I felt EXACTLY the same way. I thought I wouldn't care about dating, or men, or love, or a "family unit" beyond DD and I. But once she was here, I realized that she deserved a happy mommy. I want to date because it makes me feel good. Eventually I do want a husband and more children. DD is my priority, but I can't take care of her if I don't take care of me.

At first, when your DD is here, you will feel so tired and so emotional that you won't give dating a second thought. Once you get into the swing of life again, you'll start to feel more and more like yourself. I made it a point to wear make up, dress as cute as I could, even if I wasn't going out. I'd say around.... 5-6 weeks PP, I had a day where I said, "I feel like myself,"  out loud.  Since then, I've found myself again and also the desire to date.

It may take you a different amount of time than it took me. But I'm certain you'll get there!

At this point, I'm not ready to maintain a serious relationship. But it feels good to put myself out there and go on a date or two, flirt a little. 

How are you meeting people? 

mrgn

alibabbbs:

mrgn:

I felt EXACTLY the same way. I thought I wouldn't care about dating, or men, or love, or a "family unit" beyond DD and I. But once she was here, I realized that she deserved a happy mommy. I want to date because it makes me feel good. Eventually I do want a husband and more children. DD is my priority, but I can't take care of her if I don't take care of me.

At first, when your DD is here, you will feel so tired and so emotional that you won't give dating a second thought. Once you get into the swing of life again, you'll start to feel more and more like yourself. I made it a point to wear make up, dress as cute as I could, even if I wasn't going out. I'd say around.... 5-6 weeks PP, I had a day where I said, "I feel like myself,"  out loud.  Since then, I've found myself again and also the desire to date.

It may take you a different amount of time than it took me. But I'm certain you'll get there!

At this point, I'm not ready to maintain a serious relationship. But it feels good to put myself out there and go on a date or two, flirt a little. 

How are you meeting people? 

I was in college when I got pregnant. I went on a date with a guy from school. I also reconnected with someone from high school on Facebook and went on a date with him. (I actually like him a lot and didn't expect to at all). I have a lot of friends with mutual friends that have tried setting me up too. I don't have a lot of time to date because I have DD all the time and she isn't left with anyone usually.

dimake

I feel that way a lot - especially since my kids have had to deal with the drama of their dad dating someone else for the past year - that I don't want to bring any more drama into their lives.  Right now I'm not actively pursuing the idea of dating (my H and I were together for ten years, and I still need to grieve that a bit).  But like PP said, I want to be able to show my daughters "This is how a man should treat you."

PrincessFiona9

I agree with you on some points. My mom had a lot of boyfriends, and I never got to see a normal, healthy relationship. I think that's why I have the problems I have now. However, I do plan to meet someone and marry someday. I just need to wait until I'm in the right place in my life. stable- mentally and emotionally as well as financially. right now I'm definitely not in that place. I agree that it's not right to have people in and out of your kids' life. I don't have a lot of free time to myself, but I think it's okay to date casually for now until I get to the place where I am ready for a serious LTR.

egray2010

 I found some useful survival tips on LousySpouse.com...there was a lot of things that I had not thought of. I did not think that I would ever be in this position, but my DH was having an affair with his assistant at work!!! Anyway, I am on my own now, with my  little ones, and am so busy with them, and work, there is hardly time for anything else!!!

pregali80

mrgn:

alibabbbs:

mrgn:

I felt EXACTLY the same way. I thought I wouldn't care about dating, or men, or love, or a "family unit" beyond DD and I. But once she was here, I realized that she deserved a happy mommy. I want to date because it makes me feel good. Eventually I do want a husband and more children. DD is my priority, but I can't take care of her if I don't take care of me.

At first, when your DD is here, you will feel so tired and so emotional that you won't give dating a second thought. Once you get into the swing of life again, you'll start to feel more and more like yourself. I made it a point to wear make up, dress as cute as I could, even if I wasn't going out. I'd say around.... 5-6 weeks PP, I had a day where I said, "I feel like myself,"  out loud.  Since then, I've found myself again and also the desire to date.

It may take you a different amount of time than it took me. But I'm certain you'll get there!

At this point, I'm not ready to maintain a serious relationship. But it feels good to put myself out there and go on a date or two, flirt a little. 

How are you meeting people? 

I was in college when I got pregnant. I went on a date with a guy from school. I also reconnected with someone from high school on Facebook and went on a date with him. (I actually like him a lot and didn't expect to at all). I have a lot of friends with mutual friends that have tried setting me up too. I don't have a lot of time to date because I have DD all the time and she isn't left with anyone usually.

I've had the same dating situation- starting to get more involved with an old childhood friend who found me on Facebook. It's nice when things click and come together again. DS is in daycare during the week and I have Mondays off, so we've been doing Monday day dates and Saturday nights.