Ugh ugh ugh...3-year olds!!

Nanner

I think Hannah is making up for lost time.  Her "terrible 2's" lasted for maybe 4 months, and now she is an infuriating 3 year old!  She never ever EVER listens to me.  I'm sure anybody that watches us together would think she's deaf, the way she ignores me.  At least when she first started the not listening, I could walk over to her, kneel down to her level and talk to her, and she'd listen to me.  Or I could take her hand and walk her to do whatever it was I'd asked her to do.  But now, I get down to talk to her and she turns away from me.  I take her hand to walk with her, and she yanks her hand out of mine.  It doesn't matter what consequence I tell her she'll face, she just doesn't care. 

Today she wouldn't pick up her stuff and take it to her room, even with me helping her and giving her step by step directions.  I told her that she had 5 minutes to clean it up, and whatever was left was going in the trash.  About a minute later, after still not picking anything up, she said, "You can go ahead and throw it all away."  She's done that once before, and she truly did not miss it at all, even though it included her favorite toy and favorite shoes.  (We didn't actually throw them away--they're in the utility room.)  I don't know why I even tried that tactic again.  I obviously have to go a different route.  But WTF??  She is INFURIATING!  She's really such a sweet girl when she loses the attitude.

So, help me.  What tactics do you use with your 3-year old?  Taking a priviledge away?  Cancelling an outing that they're excited about?  Anything else?

KKMMex

Ugh - the 3's!  It's been by far the most trying phase of parenthood for me.  We do a lot of time outs at our house.  There were times early on when I lost my temper and gave her a swat, but that was totally ineffective so we do time outs mainly. 

I try to do reverse psychology now because if she knows I want her to do something, she will want to do the exact opposite.  There's not much that's effective - she is stubborn and willful and defiant.  I've come to believe that's the definitition of a 3-year-old.  Maybe we just have to get through it?? 

Sarah turns 4 on June 3 and I'm counting down the minutes!  I keep telling myself that by the new school year, the worst will be behind us.  Hang in there!

LisaK2b

The pedi told me that she doesn't think they're bad at 2, she thinks it's more like 3 and just told me to prepare.  I blew her off becaue right when she turned 2, she had a lot of tantrums, but grew out of that and so I thought it was over.

I was wrong too.  for the last 2 weeks, Emmy has been really bad.  I guess my approach with her is good girl versus bad girl.  When she's behaving, I like to have conversations with her with what good girls do and what bad girls do.  So I'll ask "if you're happy, are you a good girl or bad girl?"  Then she'll respond good!  If you're mean and you throw something, is that good girl or bad girl?  Bad!  And we just go through a bunch of examples.

So then when the time comes and she's crying because she didn't get a way with something, I'll ask..are you being a good girl or bad girl now?  And then she'll scream...good!!!!!  And I said...do good girls cry when they don't get something?  And she'll respond, "no", and then I just calm her down and ask if she wants to be a good girl and be happy and listen.  Because when you're a good girl, we can go out and do a lot of activities and games.  Bad girls get nothing! 

Basically...it's all about reasoning and communication.

monkaloo

I'm right there with you.  Blake isn't 3 yet, but he's darn close.  He's also NOTHING like Maren was (even at her peak difficult period).  He's much more difficult during his 'moments'.

None of the tactics we used with Maren work with Blake.  Time outs, countdowns, taking away privileges/toys, reasoning - none of it.  Like your Hannah, he just isn't phased by our consequences.  Not only that, but Maren would be sad or upset when disciplined.  Blake on the other hand gets pissed. 

Yesterday evening was tough night in our house.  He was just in full on crab mode, and not listening, hitting Maren, etc.  He was sent to his room at which point he began throwing anything he could find on the floor and against the wall.  If we take everything out, he lays on his bed and just kicks against the wall.  We're getting on a plane tomorrow and I'm definitely a little nervous about how it will go with him.

It's just been a really rough few weeks for us.  I think he's definitely crossing into the terrible 3's, and like you - I'm trying to figure out the tactic that actually works with him.  I completely share your frustration, though.  Especially when you know you've been through this once before.   I feel I should know how to deal with all of this!  But, it's proof that every kid is just so different. 

At this point we'll just continue to stay consistent with timeouts, removed privileges, etc.  I know in the back of my mind this is all temporary, so we're just trying to make it through as best we can.  I'm all ears for others suggestions as well.  I just wanted you to know you're not alone!

lilycat

I'm at a loss too. I firmly believe that everything that any adult person does to tick me off is something my three-year-old is capable of.

We have been locking him in his room for 5 minutes for each infraction (so he'll stay there). This is at least something he dislikes at the moment (in other words a consequence). All our other punishments met with the same indifference you experienced with Hannah.