how do you deal with the guilt?

hamilton.ja

So I am having big time guilt lately about bringing the new baby into our family and how it will affect my 2.5 year old son. Not only how it will be when she arrives but how busy we are trying to get the house sorted (we just moved into our first house a little over two weeks ago) before she arrives. We spend a lot of time in the car running errands or at home trying to get things unpacked/organized/etc. and not enough time outside playing or doing fun, special things with DS. I feel like that should be our focus right now and I can't really manage it. I've been compensating by giving him small presents and giving in to silly things that usually I would never do. DH is NOT pleased - he thinks I'm spoiling him and it will be impossible to undo in the future even if we stop now or soon.

How do I deal with this guilt without spoiling him as a result? Any suggestions? 

HarrietNJMommy

I got over it quickly. There's no time for me to dwell on what I "can't" do. I focus on what I "can" do. Quality over quantity.........

GL!

tsevere

Your DH is totally right.  You are not helping the situation at all by spoiling DS, and if anything you're just making it harder for yourself in the long run.  Also, I don't think you should necessarily being "doing fun, special things with DS" either right now.  Obviously you always want to do fun things with them, but you don't need to INCREASE that or make huge extra efforts right now.  That's just going to be even more hard on him in a couple weeks when you can't do much of anything. 

Think of things this way....  You DS will soon have a very good friend to play with.  He will soon have a buddy in the house that he can spend all of that time with.  You're always going to have some sort of distraction (laundry, dishes, dinner, nights out, etc.) and by giving him a sibling you guarantee that he's not just on his own or pestering you during those times.  He'll have someone to run around and play with.  Playing with mom and dad is all fine and good, but I can't get on all fours for 20 minutes with my tongue wagging.  Nor would I want to!  Having siblings is a huge blessing to everyone!

 

Benjen

I agree, I didn't give it much thought after the fact cause then it would make matters worse.  I still feel my son gets more attention then my daughter.  My Daughter is much closer to my husband and I wonder if it has anything to do the attention or just matter of fact.

My son is starting preschool soon and I plan on spending that alone time with my daughter.  Very much looking forward to it.

 

alli2672

I actually thought it was much easier to spend time with #1 after I had the baby than when I was enormously pregnant.  You are putting in a lot of effort to give your child a sibling.  There isn't anything to feel guilty about.

crittermama

I got over it quick. We moved exactly 1 week before DD#2 was born so I spent that whole week unpacking. Then once the baby was born she, of course, needed me often for nursing and such. DH was home for 12 days which really helped. Now I just do what I can. As long as everyone's basic needs are met, I'm doing my job.

With DD the first 2-3 months were about doing what I had to do to survive. I'm imagining this will be the same way, though I'm finding it easier to adjust to having 2 kids than it was to adjust to having 1. Am I preoccupied with DD#2 a lot? Yes. But it won't be like it forever and in the long run I'm giving my daughter a sibling which I think is the best gift in the world.