so mad at DH (long)

mmz

last night DH made me so freaking upset (after I told him I was spotting). he said something to the effect of -- maybe it's for the best if it doesn't happen, because with my (maternal) age, birth defects are more common.

 WTF? really? when I started getting upset (mad and crying), he was like -- I was just trying to make you feel better!

How is that going to make me feel better, saying bascially that we're just playing russian roulette? birth defects can happen at any age...

what scares me the most, I guess, is that he is going to change his mind about TTC. maybe I'll get to a certain age (I'll be 38 this summer) where he's too afraid to try anymore.

 I just walked out of the room and said I didn't want to talk about it. I was icy the rest of the night and this morning. I just don't feel like I have unconditional support from him. of course he should tell me about his concerns -- this is a partnership -- but to tell me that hurtful viewpoint under the guise of trying to make me feel better is just wrong.

 thanks for letting me vent.

lisa&laird

awww hun....*hugs*........I feel bad for you right now.  I can feel your hurt through your words.  This entire ttc process is sooo draining on every level.  I think that as women, we are constantly in a state of heightened awareness.  All of our emotions are hanging right out there.  I think because of this, our partners have no idea how to handle all that is happening with us.  I know, my love, looks as though he doesn't know how to deal/respond etc. to me half the time!!   I am sure that your dh didn't mean for it to come out like that.  He probably didn't know how to properly respond.  Men are not always great with handling their own emotions, let alone ours!  Try not to let it all get you down.  Just take care of yourself.

Lisa

melaniesc

So sorry. I would be livid as well. men just don't think before they talk. there's really no reason for him to be concerned about something being wrong w/ the baby as you get older. they run all sorts of tests, so if something did turn up, you'd know about it. and this can happen to younger parents as well, it just happens. My friend's wife just had their 1st in Feb. and she's 40 and baby was fine. I also have a friend who has a vision problem and her ex-fiance broke up with her partly because he was concerned their kids would have issues. well guess what? She has 2 kids now and they have no problems at all.

karenannmark

Sorry mmz, ya lisa right, they dont really have a clue and they word things wrong at the best of times.....my DH is so layed back with this whole process which annoys me sometimes, he never asks if i think i may be or things like that but he did ask this cycle since i wasnt talking about it 'all the time' , 'when are our days this month' (fertile ones) i was so delighted that he just asked!!!!! He loves you and wouldnt intentionally hurt you, hope you feel better by the time you get home to him (hugs from me also)

Jilliesmomma

Oh honey, I'm with you.  I've been ttc for the last 4 years.  DH comes up with excuses every month.  When AF shows, each month, he'll say, I'll get you pg this month.  Then in 2 weeks, sorry.  It's frustrating.  We finally had a talk though and he said he really does want another baby - so we will see.  Now I am the one having 2nd thoughts. 

stever

That sucks. What is it with men?

 

pnltybox

I'm so sorry your DH upset you like that.  Seriously, do they even think before opening their mouths??  Sometimes they try so hard to say the "right" thing, that they make it even worse!  They mean well, but just don't get it sometimes.

Hope you have a better day!

marjoriemitchell

Having gone through something simular at the beggining of the month, I know exactly how you feel.  This time I just want him to keep his mouth shut (okay that was mean).  What i really want is a hug, some naproxen, and a pint of Ben & Jerry's. 

I found out that telling him what i want to hear acctually works.

cbeney

That sucks that he said that! *hugs*