Need advice, input, feedback, whatever!

Dani0203

I'm honestly not sure where else to post this. I needed a place to vent and hopefully have some sense talked into me. I went to the 'baby on the brain'  board because it makes more sense to post there, but all of the posts are random, pointless, or are people who already have their babies- I was confused and didn't want to post a serious question there.

 

My daughter is almost 2, and my husband and I have recently talked about maybe having another one soon. I don't want them to be so far apart from one another that my daughter is completely out of the 'baby' phase when we have another and have to start all over again. So I really am getting that itch that's telling me the time is coming to try for another. 

I have one major concern. My daughter, although she is willful and adventurous and keeps me on my toes, I think she would be fine with a sibling and even if it's rough at first with two, I think our family would adjust well. But the problem is... a few months ago I started looking into a babysitting job in our home- and found a wonderful family with a newborn that I've already agreed to watch- starting next week. The baby is two months old now. And I'm definitely looking forward to doing this, especially the fact that I'll have some form of an income now to help with bills, but this is another baby in the house! I don't know if I'll be able to handle being pregnant while watching two of them so young, I don't know whether I'll be able to handle three young children once the baby is born.  This is the main reason why my husband and I have decided to wait until I've had babysat for a few months to really get a feel for having more than one around before we talk seriously about it again. I've heard that going from one to two is the most difficult transition, and this situation will be similar to adding another sibling to the house for the majority of the week (it's full time care, monday through friday, 9-5). If one-two is manageable, then we can talk more confidently about having another of our own.  It depresses me in a way because this is my family. I feel like I still can't make the decision to have a baby because of outside factors, but I agreed to do this. And I actually want to... and I feel so lucky to have even found a great family who wants to do this. 

 

So. I don't know. I just needed to vent and there's really no one I can talk about it with. So any input would be nice. Someone talk some sense into me. Any insight into having more babies around would be great... or suggestions on how to go about this would also be great. Thanks. 

 

 

little_mrs

Well, I'm not really sure what to tell you.  I have 2 under 2.  When my second son was born my first son was 19.5 months old.  DH I planned to have our kid close together for a few reasons.

I have days (like today) when it's crazy hectic and then I have days that are a piece of cake.  My older son is fairly laid back but he is still very needy in many respects.  He's still in diapers and needs help at meal times.  He doesn't play independently for very long.  I often have both children on my lap at the same time.  I'm often feeding both at the same time.  Sometimes both are crying at the same time.  Then there are times when both are asleep at the same time!

Even though the pregnancies with both were considered high risk I was actually quite healthy and had very few negative symptoms.  Even so I was exhausted being pg and taking care of my older son.  I also had more back and hip pain when pg with #2 so lifting and carrying DS1 was tough.

As for the transition from 1 to 2 being the hardest, I really can't say because I don't know what it's like going from 2 to 3. I think it went much more smoothly than I expected.  Also, I already knew what to expect when it came to newborns.

This probably doesn't help...

HarrietNJMommy

I can give you only what I know - my situation. I had 3 kids in 3 years, so I have a bit of a different perspective than someone who has a larger age span between kids......

Going from 0-1 was hard. Going from 1-2 wasn't bad at all. Going from 2-3 was SUPER HARD. You and your DH are outnumbered. The sheer logistics of getting 3 kids ready, into/out of a vehicle, etc. are just tiring. My friends who have 3 kids have all said the same thing.

Now, all that being said, it's all I know. I don't know any different, and even though I have terrible sleepers and it takes a year after each kid to get good, it's good right now.

Somehow, it all works out.  You find a groove and then it's fine.

I, personally, wouldn't let an outside situation dictate my TTC. You never know what lies ahead. This job might not work out in the end (the what-ifs - what if the husband gets relocated and they move away and you lose your job), and then you would have wasted months not TTC........ 

GL whatever you and your DH decide! 

gobigblue

I, personally, wouldn't let an outside situation dictate my TTC. You never know what lies ahead. This job might not work out in the end (the what-ifs - what if the husband gets relocated and they move away and you lose your job), and then you would have wasted months not TTC........ 

quoting above...  this.  you should think about what's best for YOU and your family.  this b-sitting job is great and all, but if YOU and your DH want a baby, go for it!  i have 2 U 2 and it's hard.  i'd start TTC and just see what happens and how you feel.  who knows...  GL!

littlemermaid

My children are 2.5 years apart and I thought that was a breeze.  Going from 0 - 1 child was the hardest in my opinion.  You already know what to expect  this time around and by the time you get pregnant and have another baby your DD will be closer to 3 if not already passed 3.  I wouldn't let the babysitting job influence your decision.  That child is not yours so you really can't compare how it's going to be by using that child as your example.

Fringle

Don't let a babysitting job dictate the size of your family or the spacing of your kids.  At the end of the day it's just a job.  By the time you get pregnant the family you are babysitting could decide to move to accept a promotion or have another child and decide they don't need you to babysit any more.  You certainly would not hold that against them.  Why would they hold it against you if you got pregnant and decided to stop babysitting?  I'm not advocating leaving them high and dry, but if you got into the pregnancy and could not continue babysitting or if you decided you did not want to continue with a newborn of your own give them plenty of notice and just do it.