pre-deployment "party"

babyonthebrain2010

hi everyone!  so my DH is in the ANG and he will be deploying in a little over a month.. we are having a big "party" open-house / get together at our house beforehand and I'm stressing.  the planning, food, decorating parts I mostly have under control but I'm struggling with how to word things... like the invites.  I'll be sending out flag invites that I made to some family who live an hour or so away and to everyone else I'll be emailing/facebooking but I can't figure out how to word the invitation...  and also I'd like to make some banners to put up but I can't figure out what they should say and I can't find any good ideas online

oh and I think I'll be putting out a few tshirts with permanent markers for everyone to write him words of encouragement on so he can take them with him.. is that an okay idea?  it's not a surprise, but DH doesn't want to be super involved in planning everything so I can't ask his advice  

does anyone have any suggestions??  thanks in advance!!

ashlee1120

I am in the ARNG and was deployed a couple of years ago and I think the t-shirt idea is a great idea!  It would be neat to be able to go back and read them in a couple of months when he is lonely and missing home

iluvmytxrgr

He may not actually want to have a party.  Just going to lunch with our family before a deployment makes DH feel weird.  He would hate it if I were throwing a party. 

As a soldier, and not just a wife, I would feel the same way.  You have to get your mind a certain way before you leave.  Having everyone pawn over you telling you how much they are going to miss you and crying like your dead doesn't help. 

I would talk to him and make sure this is something that he actually wants and not something that he is putting up with because everyone else wants it.  Just throwing that out there.

babyonthebrain2010

ashlee1120:

I am in the ARNG and was deployed a couple of years ago and I think the t-shirt idea is a great idea!  It would be neat to be able to go back and read them in a couple of months when he is lonely and missing home

okay thanks!!  I will definitely be doing that

babyonthebrain2010

iluvmytxrgr:

He may not actually want to have a party.  Just going to lunch with our family before a deployment makes DH feel weird.  He would hate it if I were throwing a party. 

As a soldier, and not just a wife, I would feel the same way.  You have to get your mind a certain way before you leave.  Having everyone pawn over you telling you how much they are going to miss you and crying like your dead doesn't help. 

I would talk to him and make sure this is something that he actually wants and not something that he is putting up with because everyone else wants it.  Just throwing that out there.

he wants it, it was his idea.  I wouldn't be planning it if he seems unsure.  a few of our friends who've deployed had open houses and they have all been very positive experiences.   nobody has cried like anyone was dying... it's just an opportunity to see everyone and have everyone express their gratitude, pride and support and say, "we love you, we'll see you soon."

LemonLover33

I would call it a send off party. When I think of open houses, I think of someone selling that house.Banners: https://www.buildasign.com/Troops?pscid=9381&extcid=1126&kwcid=banners for soldiers&gclid=COerzK6R2KECFRCfnAodoj9NKghttps://www.bannersonthecheap.com/personalized-banners?pscid=1088&extcid=1126&kwcid=military bannersJust "We love you" or "Always thinking of you!" "Go play in the sand!" "Best wishes" "Come back soon"I would also suggest BYOB or wine or liquor if you want to serve any.   Decorations can be helium balloons, the banner(s), and spread some candies (red, white, and blue) out over the place. Jelly beans are good or pre order M&Ms with sayings on them. Or you could make a joke out of it and use sand as decorations and do a sandbox theme. 

babyonthebrain2010

LemonLover33:

I would call it a send off party. When I think of open houses, I think of someone selling that house.

Banners: 

https://www.buildasign.com/Troops?pscid=9381&extcid=1126&kwcid=banners for soldiers&gclid=COerzK6R2KECFRCfnAodoj9NKg

https://www.bannersonthecheap.com/personalized-banners?pscid=1088&extcid=1126&kwcid=military banners

Just "We love you" or "Always thinking of you!" "Go play in the sand!" "Best wishes" "Come back soon"

I would also suggest BYOB or wine or liquor if you want to serve any.  

 Decorations can be helium balloons, the banner(s), and spread some candies (red, white, and blue) out over the place. Jelly beans are good or pre order M&Ms with sayings on them. Or you could make a joke out of it and use sand as decorations and do a sandbox theme. 

 

I like the way send off party sounds! and thanks for the links!  red white and blue candy = genius. I'm adding that to the list.  I think it will be alcohol free.. neither of our families drink and a lot of our friends don't, so I'm hoping nobody will miss it.   and I really like "come back soon" for the banner!! thank you, that is exactly the wording I was looking for I just kept drawing blanks.

babyonthebrain2010

kdodge423:

babyonthebrain2010:

LemonLover33:

I would call it a send off party. When I think of open houses, I think of someone selling that house.

Banners: 

https://www.buildasign.com/Troops?pscid=9381&extcid=1126&kwcid=banners for soldiers&gclid=COerzK6R2KECFRCfnAodoj9NKg

https://www.bannersonthecheap.com/personalized-banners?pscid=1088&extcid=1126&kwcid=military banners

Just "We love you" or "Always thinking of you!" "Go play in the sand!" "Best wishes" "Come back soon"

I would also suggest BYOB or wine or liquor if you want to serve any.  

 Decorations can be helium balloons, the banner(s), and spread some candies (red, white, and blue) out over the place. Jelly beans are good or pre order M&Ms with sayings on them. Or you could make a joke out of it and use sand as decorations and do a sandbox theme. 

 

I like the way send off party sounds! and thanks for the links!  red white and blue candy = genius. I'm adding that to the list.  I think it will be alcohol free.. neither of our families drink and a lot of our friends don't, so I'm hoping nobody will miss it.   and I really like "come back soon" for the banner!! thank you, that is exactly the wording I was looking for I just kept drawing blanks.

You realize that the only reason he would "come back soon" would be because of an injury (or death), right?

 

 

wow WHAT?  I don't think his or any of our guest's minds would go there. I guess it will read "come back safe, don't die or get injured!"  thanks for the help, tho.

LemonLover33

babyonthebrain2010:

kdodge423:

babyonthebrain2010:

LemonLover33:

I would call it a send off party. When I think of open houses, I think of someone selling that house.

Banners: 

https://www.buildasign.com/Troops?pscid=9381&extcid=1126&kwcid=banners for soldiers&gclid=COerzK6R2KECFRCfnAodoj9NKg

https://www.bannersonthecheap.com/personalized-banners?pscid=1088&extcid=1126&kwcid=military banners

Just "We love you" or "Always thinking of you!" "Go play in the sand!" "Best wishes" "Come back soon"

I would also suggest BYOB or wine or liquor if you want to serve any.  

 Decorations can be helium balloons, the banner(s), and spread some candies (red, white, and blue) out over the place. Jelly beans are good or pre order M&Ms with sayings on them. Or you could make a joke out of it and use sand as decorations and do a sandbox theme. 

 

 

I like the way send off party sounds! and thanks for the links!  red white and blue candy = genius. I'm adding that to the list.  I think it will be alcohol free.. neither of our families drink and a lot of our friends don't, so I'm hoping nobody will miss it.   and I really like "come back soon" for the banner!! thank you, that is exactly the wording I was looking for I just kept drawing blanks.

You realize that the only reason he would "come back soon" would be because of an injury (or death), right?

 

 

wow WHAT?  I don't think his or any of our guest's minds would go there. I guess it will read "come back safe, don't die or get injured!"  thanks for the help, tho.

No come back soon is just a saying. Four months could be soon but it could also just be his length of deployment. I'm not telling him to come back SOONER.  

kristin2t

Sounds like you got some good ideas about your party, and I'm not sure if this is the first deployment you've experienced or not, so ignore my post if it's not!

I just wanted to say that for DH's first deployment he wanted to have a party, and things really, really changed as the day (and deployment) got closer. There are so many changes that need to happen internally and emotionally for them to prepare for war, that it was a bit of a shock to me and to our relationship, to be honest. I wanted to have every last moment be special and important to carry us through the next year, but I've learned it's more important for him to be in the right space before he leaves, and sometimes that includes "special" moments, and sometimes that means he needs some significant down time. 

Long story short, we had the party, but he got overwhelmed pretty quickly, and we wrapped things up much sooner than we had planned, and just had a few very close friends stay and watch a movie. Not the send off we had envisioned, but definitely what he needed. 

 I guess all I'm saying is, it sounds like you're really in-tune with your DH, and he's wanting this party, but just to expect the unexpected as they prepare to leave, and be ready to adapt as things move along. I think this is maybe why some of the PP were saying they didn't do parties, etc...

I hope this doesn't seem out of line or preachy, I just didn't have many military wives around me the first go around, and was pretty darn floored by the changes in my DH the first time, so I guess I'm just trying to pass along what I would have loved to of heard: whatever happens is necessary and normal, and to not take it personally. 

Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful send-off, and your husband does return soon and safe!

babyonthebrain2010

kristin2t:

Sounds like you got some good ideas about your party, and I'm not sure if this is the first deployment you've experienced or not, so ignore my post if it's not!

I just wanted to say that for DH's first deployment he wanted to have a party, and things really, really changed as the day (and deployment) got closer. There are so many changes that need to happen internally and emotionally for them to prepare for war, that it was a bit of a shock to me and to our relationship, to be honest. I wanted to have every last moment be special and important to carry us through the next year, but I've learned it's more important for him to be in the right space before he leaves, and sometimes that includes "special" moments, and sometimes that means he needs some significant down time. 

Long story short, we had the party, but he got overwhelmed pretty quickly, and we wrapped things up much sooner than we had planned, and just had a few very close friends stay and watch a movie. Not the send off we had envisioned, but definitely what he needed. 

 I guess all I'm saying is, it sounds like you're really in-tune with your DH, and he's wanting this party, but just to expect the unexpected as they prepare to leave, and be ready to adapt as things move along. I think this is maybe why some of the PP were saying they didn't do parties, etc...

I hope this doesn't seem out of line or preachy, I just didn't have many military wives around me the first go around, and was pretty darn floored by the changes in my DH the first time, so I guess I'm just trying to pass along what I would have loved to of heard: whatever happens is necessary and normal, and to not take it personally. 

Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful send-off, and your husband does return soon and safe!

thanks I appreciate it   I already mentioned to DH that we can cancel or change plans whenever he wants and he knows nobody will mind.  actually after reading some of these responses I double checked with him if he still wanted it and he was like "of course!!"   he mentioned he wants everyone to come by so he can tell them to "take care of me" while he's gone and once the baby comes.. anyway I DO appreciate the concern and advice, we are pretty certain it will be an all around positive experience for everyone, but I thank you for the warnings

TexaCali

It looks like you have already gotten some great ideas for your party and have addressed the fact that as the day approaches your DH may change his mind. I just wanted to throw what we do out there:

Rather than have all of DH's family over (as they would be the ones most likely to cry a lot and make it an "ordeal" rather than a "party"), we invite his entire section and their spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends and children. We host a BBQ at our house. It is a great experience for the Soldiers since they are all in the same boat, they can actually enjoy the day rather than talk about impending sandbox trip. It is a huge benefit to the spouses as we exchange numbers, set-up play dates and are able to touch base with those who we wouldn't meet otherwise (not everyone goes to the FRG).

As far as his family seeing him off: we have a private dinner at the house without an pomp an dcircumstance. Low key place for them to say their "see you laters".

One more little note: if you have banners that state anything in regards to him leaving, place them inside your home or in the backyard where the general public can't see. The last thing you need to to advertise that he is leaving soon..might as well put up a sign that says "pregnant lady home alone, please rob me".

jcthomas1281

We had a small cookout before my husband deployed the first time, but it included the people on his team. Only 10 other guys were going and it was a great time to get to know them and their S/O's and make connections. 

I had a shirt for my graduation that I wore and had markers attached with velcro so everyone got to sign "me". It was a hoot!

I also made a cake that the guys totally loved! I bought a bag of those little plastic toys soldiers and tanks and made a "desert" cake.  I pulverized graham crackers to make the cake sandy and put the toy soldiers on top. Big hit for the guys and the kids

babyonthebrain2010

TexaCali:

It looks like you have already gotten some great ideas for your party and have addressed the fact that as the day approaches your DH may change his mind. I just wanted to throw what we do out there:

Rather than have all of DH's family over (as they would be the ones most likely to cry a lot and make it an "ordeal" rather than a "party"), we invite his entire section and their spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends and children. We host a BBQ at our house. It is a great experience for the Soldiers since they are all in the same boat, they can actually enjoy the day rather than talk about impending sandbox trip. It is a huge benefit to the spouses as we exchange numbers, set-up play dates and are able to touch base with those who we wouldn't meet otherwise (not everyone goes to the FRG).

As far as his family seeing him off: we have a private dinner at the house without an pomp an dcircumstance. Low key place for them to say their "see you laters".

One more little note: if you have banners that state anything in regards to him leaving, place them inside your home or in the backyard where the general public can't see. The last thing you need to to advertise that he is leaving soon..might as well put up a sign that says "pregnant lady home alone, please rob me".

no worries, DH has warned me against this extensively already!  luckily we have a lot of good neighbors who we trust, too.

Lithigin

babyonthebrain2010:

kristin2t:

Sounds like you got some good ideas about your party, and I'm not sure if this is the first deployment you've experienced or not, so ignore my post if it's not!

I just wanted to say that for DH's first deployment he wanted to have a party, and things really, really changed as the day (and deployment) got closer. There are so many changes that need to happen internally and emotionally for them to prepare for war, that it was a bit of a shock to me and to our relationship, to be honest. I wanted to have every last moment be special and important to carry us through the next year, but I've learned it's more important for him to be in the right space before he leaves, and sometimes that includes "special" moments, and sometimes that means he needs some significant down time. 

Long story short, we had the party, but he got overwhelmed pretty quickly, and we wrapped things up much sooner than we had planned, and just had a few very close friends stay and watch a movie. Not the send off we had envisioned, but definitely what he needed. 

 I guess all I'm saying is, it sounds like you're really in-tune with your DH, and he's wanting this party, but just to expect the unexpected as they prepare to leave, and be ready to adapt as things move along. I think this is maybe why some of the PP were saying they didn't do parties, etc...

I hope this doesn't seem out of line or preachy, I just didn't have many military wives around me the first go around, and was pretty darn floored by the changes in my DH the first time, so I guess I'm just trying to pass along what I would have loved to of heard: whatever happens is necessary and normal, and to not take it personally. 

Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful send-off, and your husband does return soon and safe!

thanks I appreciate it   I already mentioned to DH that we can cancel or change plans whenever he wants and he knows nobody will mind.  actually after reading some of these responses I double checked with him if he still wanted it and he was like "of course!!"   he mentioned he wants everyone to come by so he can tell them to "take care of me" while he's gone and once the baby comes.. anyway I DO appreciate the concern and advice, we are pretty certain it will be an all around positive experience for everyone, but I thank you for the warnings

Great point by Kristin. A solution for a DH that does want the party is to have it 2-4 weeks before he leaves, and not the weekend before. For all 3 tours (and R&R), my DH just wants to nest in the final days. Hang out at home and watch TV and eat good homemade food and just be a family. Your DH may want that for his last week or so, also. (My DH *hates* it when I ask him he wants for his last meal!). So maybe don't call it his "last week."