s/o moms & MILs below

kat.in.the.hat

If you have one set of "good" grandparents and a set of "bad" grandparents (or multiples of each) do you find your child favoring the good set?  Does it make you feel guilty for the other set, or do you figure it's their loss?

My parents are so much better than DH's parents and they're closer to us (although the closeness doesn't change that they're good or bad g'parents) and we just find ourselves spending more time and making more of an effort to see the good set.

Sometimes I feel bad that DH's parents are missing out, but most of the time, I figure they all have equal opportunities and it's their loss for not taking advantage of it.

I do have to admit to feeling a twinge of guilt when Marion talks to Josh's mom and calls her "GiGi" - my mom's name.  I talk to my mom every day but if I ever called MIL she'd think something was horribly wrong.

KelleyA

DD doesn't know any better really, but I see a difference in how they grandparent.  As long as DD is oblivious to it I think we're ok.

TexasPaige

Our situation is a little different with my in-laws living 20 minutes away and my parents thousands of miles away. Both are good grandparents, but he definitely prefers my in-laws since he sees them all the time. It takes him awhile to warm up to my family, although I hope he will soon remember them now that he's getting older.

My dad on the other hand has only seen William once when he was a few months old. I'm pretty sure W will never really know his other grandfather exists. 

LisaK2b

IL's live only 5 miles away but we don't make it a routine to go there or anything (unless it's the holidays and special event...I pretty much told DH to act like we live in a different state and that's how often I would even want to see MIL).  What's sad is that I really like FIL.  And he's pretty much Emmy's only granddad since my dad isn't around anymore.  He does chinese grandfather like stuff with her (similiar to what you see in Kai Lan!)  hahaha  Show her his veggie garden, his fish pond, etc...  MIL really honestly sucks as a grandmom.  First is not even knowing her own freakin grandkids name after 3 years, and then not knowing their bday, and she has no idea what to do with kids at ANY age.  When Emmy was only 4 months old, she's giving his elementary school software to use?  Yet, when she's 3, she gives Emmy a ride on toy that is for a 12 month old?  The only reason she wants Emmy around is because it makes her husband happy....has nothing to do with her relationship with her grandkids.  It's just really sad...

Of course the kids are going to be closer to my mom...she takes care of them every weekday.  Shoot...sometimes I feel that they're closer to her than they are to me!  I honestly could care less what MIL thinks or feels.  To me...being a grandparent is a privilage not a right.  She hasn't shown me that she earned that "title".   

rayskit10

I wouldn't say we have a "bad" set but we do favor my mom. Even DH does b/c she is a good 10 years younger than my ILs. Ex: if something happened to us, my mom would have custody of our kids, hands down. It was never even a debate.

I am more comfortable bossing my mother around, too, and that makes it easier for me to let her care for my kids. Granted, I can give my MIL some direction without being afraid but still...

Also, my kids are my mom's only GC where ILs have 4 others. Not to say they love my kids less b/c of it, but my mom doesn't have to share her affection anywhere.

My father & SM will never meet my children if I can help it, so I guess that's "bad" grandparents but I don't feel bad about it. It's my choice.

kreeper611

Growing up, we did this.  My dad's mom was pushy and mean to my mom.  There was SO much tension between them that once my sister and I were a little older, we could see it.  It didn't help that the other DIL in that side of the family seriously disliked my mom, my sister and I.

Once I got even older I knew we needed to try to stay closer to my dad's mom for his sake, but it was never the same as being with my mom's family.  Plus, once my dad passed away it sort of just went south.  The relationship was very strained and we just stopped doing holidays.

I will say that my dad's mom makes more of an effort to call and check on Cooper than my other grandmother.  But sometimes she throws a jab in there about us not coming to visit often enough and it pisses me off!

As for Cooper - I worry this will happen mostly because my mom lives close enough to stop by for an evening visit and the ILs are 4 hours away.

CallMeKel

My daughter definitely favors my mom & dad over MIL. But MIL is pretty oblivious so I guess it's a moot point.